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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if it is really THAT hard to have kids?

610 replies

zebra1304 · 29/12/2018 13:01

Spending Christmas with my partner's family. We don't have kids but I worked years in child care. Not saying it is the same but I do have some idea of things. Day 7 here... and all I can hear is how bloody difficult/expensive/tiring etc etc to have kids. Is it really that hard? If so why people keep having them ? I mean why don't they stop after 1 or 2.

OP posts:

inbetweenmass · 29/12/2018 21:51

zebra you do realise you're on a parenting website, lecturing parents about how to do parenting?

Are you usually this arrogant?

AssassinatedBeauty · 29/12/2018 21:54

Do your partner's family spend £40k plus on a nanny?

YerAuntFanny · 29/12/2018 21:55

Interesting that it's all the Mums fault that she keeps having kids whilst Dad is perfectly happy and lovely whilst blaming the silly Mum for having to share a bed with his children when presumably this hasn't all of a sudden became an issue with 3+ children...

WeirdAl17 · 29/12/2018 21:58

I’m cringing for you, OP.

Szechan · 29/12/2018 21:58

OP knows best as she's had it "worst" than parents Let her carry on with her rant, it's so ironic that it's rather entertaining

HAnnAH129 · 29/12/2018 22:00

I totally agree with you OP. I'm a nanny working stupid hours for a family with 7 kids. I get all the crap the parents don't want. Including the financial worries. I don't constantly bitch yet they do Infront of the kids no less and then they wonder why the kids are total brats towards them. I think some people just like a moan and if they have noting to moan about they create something like the whole bed situation. Parent or not those people are always gonna moan about something and your never gonna change that or win. Grin and bare it is about all you can do sometimes!

opalescent · 29/12/2018 22:01

It is impossible to understand the role of a parent unless you've done it, and no amount of 'work in childcare' replicates the experience.
Yes it's hard. Yes lots of parents moan. We also adore our children, and devote most of our lives and energy to raising them.

I strongly suspect that you will look back and laugh at the naivety of this thread if you go on to have your own children.

Willyoubuymeahouseofgold · 29/12/2018 22:01

No, it's not that hard. Unless there's significant issues or needs involved .

WeirdAl17 · 29/12/2018 22:02

OP saying that their kids are great and very well behaved is yet another naive comment to make. You are seeing snippets. Didn’t you also say up thread that they’re screaming all the time though?

JamAtkins · 29/12/2018 22:02

My dcs are very easy relatively speaking but I think it’s relentless. You are constantly putting other people’s needs ahead of your own while trying to balance between everyone and play the long game and have to make decisions which impact on them without knowing if you are doing the right thing. The sense of responsibility and the constancy of it are nothing like a job. I also underestimated the expense of teenagers.

Original poster

zebra1304 · 29/12/2018 22:03

I posted here on a parenting site as in genuinely interested. What is so hard? And if it's so hard why they keep having them? I did work with kids who had special needs (and no I'm not saying it' was aw hard as parenthood) but I see where they coming from. I am asking when your kids are good as gold, healthy and happy why they complain like they have to? I am aking here exactly because this is a parenting forum ? Where else should I ask?

OP posts:

WeirdAl17 · 29/12/2018 22:03

HAnnAH129
let me guess..you don’t have your own children?

Badadadum · 29/12/2018 22:04

I think people being able to afford to have a nanny give no shit about money That is a very naive statement - what age are you?.... 21?
Many families pay for a nanny to allow both parents to continue working, often one parent's salary does not cover the cost of the nanny - they give a shit about money, they give a shit about their children and they give a shit about maintaining their careers but your flippant remarks pretty much shows how you have no clue at all about the balance that is needed.

AssassinatedBeauty · 29/12/2018 22:06

And many many people have explained to you and you seem to be deliberately ignoring what people are saying.

YerAuntFanny · 29/12/2018 22:07

There are 13 pages of answers to your question, yet here you are still making sweeping statements, assumptions and snarky remarks about the parents.

I really worry about your lack of empathy given your (apparent) career choice.

WhoTookTheChristmasCookie · 29/12/2018 22:07

I have nothing to add that PP haven't already pointed out.
Just to reiterate - it's hard. Very hard.
If I want to moan, I will.
No one tells you about the bad bits of parenting so when you find yourself in the midst of a tantrum, refusal or dilemma it's a very short, sharp shock.
Then it's all on you. If you fuck up, that could be it.

They should use this thread in Sex Education classes

PurpleDaisies · 29/12/2018 22:07

What is so hard? And if it's so hard why they keep having them?

There are thirteen pages of posts explaining exactly this.

Original poster

zebra1304 · 29/12/2018 22:09

@HAnnAH129 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
I love how people here trying to tell how nannying is nothing like being a parent ( and it is so true!)
But as a nanny you do see into family's lives like no one else and yes I do think we have a fair amount of knowledge about children and child care.

OP posts:

SPR1107 · 29/12/2018 22:09

@zebra1304 it all boils down to emotional attachment and pressure. There is no let up. Even the times you are not physically there, as a parent, you are ALWAYS mentally there.
It is hard to be a parent, but people go on to have more children because the rewards far outweigh the difficulties. As everything in life though, it's natural to moan more about what's hard, that shout about what's good.

Original poster

zebra1304 · 29/12/2018 22:10

There is no explanation here . Everyone is saying I am no parent I know nothing no explanation here

OP posts:

HAnnAH129 · 29/12/2018 22:10

I have my own kids, house, husband and dog. I keep a house together for us as well as working upwards of 70 hours a week keeping there house together. You know what they say about assumptions. ...

PurpleDaisies · 29/12/2018 22:10

There is no explanation here

You’re not reading the thread properly.

AssassinatedBeauty · 29/12/2018 22:11

Yes of course you have a level of knowledge about children and childcare. I would very much hope nannies do.

What you are continuing to ignore is what people are saying about the difference between looking after your charges and your own children.

Do you understand what people are saying about the total responsibility?

YerAuntFanny · 29/12/2018 22:12

I'm womdering if @HAnnAH129 has recently switched jobs given that last month she was caring for a 5 child family and now it's 7... Maybe 5 weeks isn't enough insight into a families life?

pyramidbutterflyfish · 29/12/2018 22:13

Having kids is like giving up smoking. It’s easy when you really want to.

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