To be sick and tired of my niece calling me fat?

[SydneyFrexkle]

She’s almost 8 and always makes comments about how big I am, how big my stomach is etc ... I’m a size 10/12.

I always pull her up on it and say how rude it is. But she still does it.

Aibu to think at 8 she should know not to say mean things?

Very rude and definitely should understand this at 8. But I’d also be concerned that she’s picking up/picked up some unhealthy messages already about body sizes and shape, if she thinks you are huge at that size and is preoccupied about weight.
So I’d be wanting her behaviour to be challenged by her parents and to find out where she’s getting these ideas from.

My nephew did it once, I gave him one withering look and he never did it again.

I'd call her a rude nasty brat to her face in front of her parents and then walk off from where I was with her or ask them to get out my house if they were in my home.

That's inexcusable.

I’m 8/10 with abs. My dc still say I have a play doh tummy when I lie down 😂. My daughter is 7 but wouldn’t realise she’s ‘insulting ‘ me. I don’t want her to know/think any body shapes are bad tbh. I always just say yes I love my tummy. I do tell her we are all different and we shouldn’t comment in appearance though. I don’t get why it bothers you so much especially as you’re not ‘fat’. (She gets it from her parents obviously)

But you don’t have to ‘pull her up’ because you are not fat! Just explain every single time that we all are different, of different sizes and shapes and that is ok. Matter of fact-ly. Ask her why she thinks you’re fat and who in her opinion isn’t.
I would be mildly concerned that she is fed unrealistic expectations and views by her parents...

"Oh dn, you should keep opinions like that to yourself. That's why I've never mentioned your lank hair / funky teeth / bad breath / knock knees to your face. "

I was thinking of something similar jingle (I'm not fat but if I was I could lose weight. You' however are ugly, and it will cost you a fortune for that ,much surgery) - except I know I couldn't say it to anyone, let alone a child, much as I might want to.

I could tell her she was horrible though . . .

I partly blame the schools for this. My 6 year old has been on about eating healthy and started saying this to me about people from the beginning of year R. They are taught a lot about what is healthy and what is not and about being mad fat by over eating and eating bad things. Luckily I got on top of it and he doesn't say it and has realised it's not nice.

I would speak to her parents and explain it's upsetting you

Kids really don't think before they speak

That would account for ONE thoughtless remark.

Not several deliberate nasty comments.

If a 7 year old child does it repeatedly after being told it's rude, I would assume her parents have put her up to it, as they think it's funny.

I would have words.

How exactly do you pull her up on it?
*
Because I can promise you an 8 year old would only say that to someone once, if I overheard them!*

^^ this. In spades. My kid would get ONE chance. Are we not in charge of kids anymore? Who's running the show?

Personally I can’t stand fat shaming and it’s probably coming from an adult she’s picked it up from.

I have 2 stepchildren who do this. So and so is fat.... mummy says xx is fat.....

I don’t tolerate it. I tell them not to do it and it’s not acceptable to comment on someone’s appearance. I don’t care if they hear it at home.

What are the context of her comments? Do you get the impression this is her way of being ‘funny’? Or is she parroting things her mum says?

It is really not acceptable and she needs to stop it. If she does this to an adult, say at school, she could get herself into big trouble. It could also cause friendship problems/bullying etc.

You poor thing though. It would really upset me to have my DN do this to me.

I would also tell her and her parents that you were leaving (or they could leave, depending where you are) because their child is a little shit and you weren't going to put up with it any more.

Id reply with “A fat person can lose weight but a nasty little bully will always be a nasty little bully.”

Stop this. My brother did this to me all the time. I was not fat but always thought I was still do but am not .

Its horrid

My 4 year old DD recently asked why someone was so huge (in front of them). She doesn't know the word fat. When she said it I told her to 'shhh' and not be 'rude'.

I explained, AFTER we left when she asked again why the person was very big, that the person became very big because they had eaten too much food for a long time.

What was I supposed to say? Why did I feel the need to tell her not to be rude. She wasn't rude really, she was right, the person was very big and why shouldn't a child be curious.

I wasn't sure how to respond at the time or after to be honest. I want to be truthful but not allow her to hurt other people's feelings.

Disconnected my ds used to say similar things, he is autistic and as a result had/ has no interna filter/ inner monologue, so every thought that most people would have internally, is verbalised. He is usually mortified to have caused an offence and we have worked on this with social stories, he has really improved with support.

Have you considered whether your ds may be on the spectrum? My ds is high functioning and very intelligent. He is socially and emotionally younger than his age and yet years ahead intellectually. Ds’s school never picked up on ds’s autism, I went through my gp and he was referred to our local children and families mental health department. My ds was 6 when diagnosed, although many children are your ds’s age or older before receiving a diagnosis.

There is information about autism here;

www.autism.org.uk/about/what-is/asd.aspx

OP is it possible that your niece is on the spectrum? Or does she have any special needs (apologies if I have missed your reply to this question whilst typing this post up)? Whether she has additional needs or not, I think it’s time that you brought this up with your DB/ DS or if she is your niece through marriage, then it’s time for your DH to have a word with his sibling/ neice’s parent. This behaviour is not on and needs to be corrected immediately. I have a 9 yo dd who is also on the spectrum, I would want to know if she was behaving like this. Dd doesn’t, she has a great deal of empathy and would be terribly upset if she upset anyone. She will be very blunt when talking with me about others, however I always correct her as I don’t want her hurting anyone’s feelings- whether intended or not!

To be fair, a size 10 these days is equivalent to a size 16 20 years ago....
But still rude to comment on people's size

@ComedyBoobs are size 10s fat then? If not, what did you mean with that comment in your post?

I don’t think you should enter a battle of put downs with a child. I think you may have been too nice in your “pulling her up” on it. As someone above said, you should only need to tell her the once for her to understand it is very rude and precocious to make personal comments to adults. A simple firm stare, a strong voice and a “Don’t speak to me like that. It’s very rude”. Then go for squirm. “What makes you think it’s acceptable to make comments about adults?” Maintaining stare. Wait for response. Don’t brush it off or smile at all.

@Beautyandthe, I’d go with people come in all shapes and sizes and not mentioned anything about food intake. People are overweight for many different reasons, food is just one of them.

@Bringbackthestrioes
Hoopaloop that made me howl
Yeah hilarious...

Stating a fact, zam, sizewise a size 10 (22" waist) is a lot bigger now than it was 20 years ago.

ignore it. 10/12 is tiny, but not like a stick insect 8.

Arrrrrrrggghhhh what the fuck man?!

comedyboobs but the dn wasn't around 20 years ago to think the op is bigger than a size 10 that long ago