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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sick and tired of my niece calling me fat?

133 replies

SydneyFrexkle · 28/12/2018 17:05

She’s almost 8 and always makes comments about how big I am, how big my stomach is etc ... I’m a size 10/12.

I always pull her up on it and say how rude it is. But she still does it.

Aibu to think at 8 she should know not to say mean things?

OP posts:
Santasjinglebelle · 28/12/2018 17:35

"Oh dn, you should keep opinions like that to yourself. That's why I've never mentioned your lank hair / funky teeth / bad breath / knock knees to your face. "

Petty I know, but a good lesson for the wee sprite

RandomMess · 28/12/2018 17:36

Controversial but perhaps tell her parents that you are no longer willing to spend your time and money buy a child that is persistently rude to me and hurts my feelings gifts.

DeepanKrispanEven · 28/12/2018 17:37

What do her parents say or do about it?

Lovingbenidorm · 28/12/2018 17:37

Bloody hell! It certainly is very rude and inaccurate.
Sit on her

youcanthaveitchyteeth · 28/12/2018 17:38

Wow she sounds delightful

mbosnz · 28/12/2018 17:39

'Dear child, I don't know if your Mummy and Daddy have explained this to you, but such remarks are generally taken, and generally meant, to be very rude and hurtful. Did you mean to be rude and hurtful? If so, why? If not, do you think perhaps you should not make those remarks to ANYONE, (particularly me), EVER AGAIN? Have a wee think on that dear. Elsewhere."

Bloomini · 28/12/2018 17:39

I blame the parents Wink

EerieSilence · 28/12/2018 17:41

@Santasjinglebelle - a child of 8 will only parrot what she heard from her parents. Nasty remarks will not help. She's still capable of learning empathy.

LanaorAna2 · 28/12/2018 17:43

My Dneice used to lie across me on the sofa, kneading my stomach and say with deep satisfaction 'you're so lovely and FAT'. She was 5 and English isn't really her first language. That was extremely sweet, but even so we told her to pack it in, because Mr Manners doesn't do personal remarks.

Your Dneice is a rude little girl who knows what she's doing and is probably seeing how far she can take it.

starzig · 28/12/2018 17:44

Tell her she is fat and ugly. About time she learnt how it felt

70sbaubles · 28/12/2018 17:44

Mine said im 'not pretty'
Bothered me more than I thought

blueskiesandforests · 28/12/2018 17:45

Her parents or perhaps grandparents, but probably parents, are saying that in front of her and chuckling that it's "out of the mouths of babes" when she says it...

Unless of course she isn't NT and has different awareness of social norms she's being encouraged to say this. Children know way, way younger than 8 not to say hurtful things. 5 absolute tops.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 28/12/2018 17:45

Is there someone in her life who is obsessive about their weight? I worked with a child who was repeatedly getting into trouble for making comments like this and it turned out his Mum was forever referring to herself as "fat", commenting on how big her belly and bottom were etc. and he had picked up on it.

Lovemusic33 · 28/12/2018 17:46

Just tell her “it’s better to be fat than to be horrible little madam”.

It’s a bit worrying that she even notices people’s size and weight. Does she make comments to others too?

HolyMountain · 28/12/2018 17:49

I’d be very upset and annoyed if any of my ds’s called someone fat, at the age of 8 more so.

You say ‘ she always makes comments’, every time you are together?

kateandme · 28/12/2018 17:54

"and your a mean little bitch" which is worse?no seriously though.thats awful.and im sorry for you because even though its bullshit it still hurts when people are hutful.her parents need her to stop.and at that age actually she just needs to stop.you know by that age its wrong to say those types of thigns.

TSSDNCOP · 28/12/2018 17:54

A friend’s DS does this, I have a strong hunch it’s becsuse it’s something he’s heard his mother say.

You have to be clear “Child, that is a very rude thing to say. If you cannot be kind, I will leave/you will have to leave” and you have to mean it and do it.

Gone4Good · 28/12/2018 17:55

My niece used to make rude and hurtful comments as a child, for example she told my mother, "You have lots of wrinkles so your going to be dead soon". I think she was about 8 at the time when she said that.

When she was in her late teens a group of women in our family - her mum, me, great aunt, grandmother etc we were preening getting ready for a group photo, she told us not to bother because we were old and no one cared what we looked and besides everyone would be looking at her. She's in her mid-30's now and still a very horrible person.

thesnapandfartisinfallible · 28/12/2018 17:56

God, I wouldn't have sat for a week if I'd said that. Flame if you want but there's something to be said for a good old fashioned smack.

Coyoacan · 28/12/2018 17:56

I'd be a bit concerned at her calling a slim person fat, actually.

Gone4Good · 28/12/2018 17:59

I don't think it's so much the children repeating what they've heard their parents say, but more likely they have genetically inherited their parents personalities. In my post above I forgot to mention my niece had a personality almost identical to her mother's. Her mother was rude, nasty and hurtful as a child and still is, but has learned to conceal it from others better.

Grannyannex · 28/12/2018 17:59

I would probably ask why she keeps repeating it and is she that unkind to her friends. I’d also tell her that if she ever says it again you’ll not buy her an Easter egg. Then don’t buy her an egg

Turquoise123 · 28/12/2018 18:00

how very odd - why does she want to be so unpleasant ? Does not sound good.....

kateandme · 28/12/2018 18:02

no no no Im thinkin to me age 8.i can imagine me now and I would be devastated if someone said that to anyone I new never mind even it becoming a thought in my own head!and I was way past parroting what my own parents said.
and if she is 8 thinking that size is fat.well her future is worrying

Soconfusedbylife · 28/12/2018 18:02

My 6 year old DS said this to me a few times about having a fat tummy. I’m a size 10/12 too. I told him how horrid it was for him to say it, it was unkind and asked him how he thought it made me feel. I also told him how worrying it was that he thought that as I very much am not overweight. He stopped.