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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend only bought DS one present...

327 replies

notagrabbygirlfriend · 28/12/2018 13:25

Been with boyfriend for 1 year. He’s been regularly seeing DS (7) since 6 months into our relationship.

DS is born on Christmas Eve. I expressed to him that I find it really cheeky, cheap and mean when people try to combine his Christmas and birthday present. You wouldn’t do it at any other time of year. Fair enough if it’s a massive or expensive gift that you would have done as a joint anyway, but using the excuse that he is born near Christmas to only get him one thing I find mean and stingy.

We had a big conversation about this and he said he thought I was being rude by expecting two gifts. Of course people would combine due to the time of year. I said it’s cheeky and I wouldn’t accept it for my son. You wouldn’t combine a summer born child’s present with Christmas, you’d be told you were a CF. As I said, expensive gifts I understand, but otherwise no.

Anyway, the day comes around and low and behold he gives my son a combined Christmas and birthday gift. It cost around £10. I don’t care about the price, he could’ve got him two gifts for £5 each. One for birthday, one for Christmas. It’s not about the price, it’s about the principle.

AIBU to think he’s been a complete arse considering he knew my stance on the matter? We’ve only been together a short while so I wouldn’t have really expected him to get him anything. But it feels like he has intentionally done this to make some sort of sanctimonious point?

OP posts:
RomanyRoots · 28/12/2018 17:39

My dd Birthday is first week of January, nobody has ever bought a joint gift, but I certainly wouldn't make a song and dance about it.
YABU to introduce him to your ds so soon anyway, at this rate poor kid will end up with one step dad after another.
Put your child first ffs his emotional security is more important than presents, priorities please.

stokieginge · 28/12/2018 17:42

YANBU

nicenewdusters · 28/12/2018 17:43

How hard is it to buy two separate presents ? If a functioning adult can buy one in say September, then one for christmas in December, why not two in December ? Maybe I'm just not making life hard enough for myself. Agree with Rudgie47 .

NottonightJosepheen · 28/12/2018 17:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

starzig · 28/12/2018 17:47

So someone has gone out their way to buy your child a gift and you are having a strop because you think he should have bought him 2 Hmm

nicenewdusters · 28/12/2018 17:48

No, the OP is upset that her partner deliberately went out of his way to ignore her concerns that her ds' birthday should be lumped together with Christmas.

GabsAlot · 28/12/2018 17:53

so once again kids shold miss out because of when they were conceived

lovely

RomanyRoots · 28/12/2018 17:54

How is it malicious to point out the bleedin obvious. OP isn't getting on with bf because of child's present. Unless she changes attitude she will be the same with other bf's, they'll always be some reason. Meanwhile child has another sf, until that one goes wrong.

NottonightJosepheen · 28/12/2018 17:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whatstheplanphil · 28/12/2018 17:56

YANBU - how hard is it to buy a birthday present and a Christmas present for the child son of the women you are in a relationship with. I'm not surprised you are pissed off I would be too .

OutPinked · 28/12/2018 17:58

He sounds like a prize twat if I’m being totally honest. He didn’t have to get your DS anything given how long he has known him (and you for that matter) but I think he was making a passive aggressive point buying just the one after your ‘debate’ which is pathetic.

I also agree as a side note that presents should not be combined. By DM’s birthday is three days before Christmas and she hates people combining presents so I’ve always made an effort to never do it to anyone.

TisTheSeasonToSparkle · 28/12/2018 17:59

How was he trying to make a point when he straight up already told you he disagreed with the expectation of two gifts vs a combo gift. So it sounds like he always planned on just the one gift. 🤨

You're being a bit of a drama llama

mumof2sarah · 28/12/2018 18:02

I agree with what you say about the combining of presents OP, I wouldn't like it... BUT I wouldn't expect everyone (especially those that have known him for such a short space of time) to buy him different presents. If I was in your BFs shoes I'd have probably bought him 2 for the same price as that one but then again he might have struggled on what to get him also. I don't think you should be telling him what he should or shouldn't buy your son OP it's nice he's bought him anything at all x

MummytoCSJH · 28/12/2018 18:02

100% agree with you. I wouldn't be staying with someone who a) clearly did it on purpose to spite you despite knowing how you feel and b) was so mean to a child he is the potential step parent of in the future! If you stay with him, don't buy him anything for one of the occasions, just get him the one gift, and see how he feels...

ISdads · 28/12/2018 18:06

Just tell him to fuck off and why

I am also a xmas baby. I tell bf the same thing. Buy me nothing, buy me a xmas present, or buy me a bday present, but do not ever buy me a combined present. Do it, and you can fuck off

Frankly I wouldn't listen to the opinion of anyone on this thread unless they have regularly been bought a fucking combined bday/xmas present all their fucking lives.

Ok I have strong opinions on the matter 😁😁😁

MrsPatmore · 28/12/2018 18:11

As a previous poster has said - he has shown you who he is. Now it's your choice to take it or leave it.

Ljlsmum · 28/12/2018 18:11

I can’t believe people think that one year into a relationship that you should be happy just with the fact he bought one present for your son. He knew you came as a package so had to accept that in that package deal normal people treat children nicely. You are not unreasonable OP and I think you know this relationship isn’t going to work. If that’s how he treats the most important person in your life even after you’ve explained your stance then he’s an arse. Why should you put up with the combined present thing.

Flowerpot2005 · 28/12/2018 18:12

I totally agree that it should be separate birthday & Christmas presents.

That said, it's only 6mnths that BF has know your DC & a little early for any gifts tbh. That's just me tho, I'd not have introduced anyone so soon so wouldn't be happy with any gift at this stage.

Time for this one to resolve itself, he only a BF when all said & done OP.

Dimsumlosesum · 28/12/2018 18:19

There's worse things in life.

ISdads · 28/12/2018 18:20

True, dimsum, so does this often happen to you?

notacooldad · 28/12/2018 18:21

There's worse things in life.
Of course there are. However the boyfriend has completely disregard the Ops wishes. If someone did that to me I would worry about what else they would completely disregard and ignore.

RomanyRoots · 28/12/2018 18:23

Well, you know this is how he feels so you either put up with his opinion or you ditch the bf.

notonight What do you mean projecting, I've never been in the OP position, been with dh 30 years.
I have seen the effects of bf's coming and going with extended family members.

NottonightJosepheen · 28/12/2018 18:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StarCutterCookie · 28/12/2018 18:30

Everyone sounds a bellend in this tale

RomanyRoots · 28/12/2018 18:35

Nottonight
I don't have any experience Confused I do have eyes though and can see what this does to children.
So many see their parents partners come and go, surely it makes sense to put the child's emotional well being first, before introducing the latest bf that probably won't last past a year.
We obviously have different values, you probably did same as OP, never mind