To wonder if middle class children appear more ‘scruffy’

[Workingclass]

Went to a Childs party today for an old school friends DD (they are incredibly middle class) and her group of mum friends (who are equally as middle class)

I admit I don’t usually socialise in many middle class circles but I couldn’t help but notice that all of the children looked... scruffy, for want of a better word.

None of them had brushed their hair, they were all in mismatched clothes with muck on their faces. Didn’t look bathed..

I feel awful saying it, but I notice this also with the MC children at the DC school, has anyone else noticed it? I’m just curious as to why this seems to be a thing? Does my dds plaits and dresses ‘out’ her as having a working class family?

Is it more of a privilege thing? We don’t have much money so am weary of being judged as lazy by not doing her hair, I also make an effort to dress her nicely so she doesn’t look like ‘the poor kid’ is it that if your middle class you don’t have that fear?

Absolutely happy to be told IABU and judgemental but I am genuinely curious on the subject.

I wonder if they want to appear as if they are laid back and cool to cover the desire to excel?

No, they probably just think that education is more important than what you wear. Quite rightly so.

I remember being told that staff of a super high class store (Harrods maybe?) were told not to be swayed by what people wear. The scruffiest have most money. They don’t waste money on expensive clothes.

You are absolutely right. My parents come from very working class poor backgrounds but did very well for themselves and by the time I was born, lived in a well off, middle class area. I was always absolutely immaculate as a child and my DM, even now in her 70s would not be seen dead in public looking scruffy or without her make up. I got told off recently for wearing ripped jeans! Wouldn’t change her for the world though.

I think the royal children look like they are dressed in hand me downs and one in particular looks like Orphan Annie. I love to see little kids beautifully dressed and cared for but I’m working class and proud of it. Middle class kids always look like they need a bath to me.

Timeandtune,yes having lived both Edinburgh & Glasgow it’s an accurate observation
In Edinburgh people were more schools obsessed,in particular private school
Glasgow way more into labels,branding and appearance.borne out by the fantastic shopping

I've definitely noticed this. People where I live really fret about their kids looking smart and well cared for - if they are ever dressed without supervision and therefore not immaculate the mother apologises constantly to everyone for the way they are dressed. 'he/she looks like nobody's child' is frequently used.

If I stray to the nice part of town its all slightly grubby kids with long hair and mismatched boden.

I must be really middle class then and objectively am, and have really scruffy children so yes I prove your point

Flossietoot this is about class, not money.

Your private school mums in their Moncler are keen to show how rich they are with their coats.

Doesn't make them posh!

Pieceofpurplesky
I wonder if they want to appear as if they are laid back and cool to cover the desire to excel?
Is is not more likely they saw the importance of a good education but just didn’t give a stuff about clothes and appearance?

huggybear - are you abroad ?

Class system alive and thriving in Blighty.

Which royal looks like Orphan Annie? I haven't noticed.

You say middle class kids look like they need a bath - all middle class kids? Mine never did unless it was at the end of a messy play session. What an awful defensive attitude you have, quite 'sniffy'.

Ivegotthree- they are also most definitely middle class, but wouldn’t dream of wearing Boden or joules themselves. See it as desperately trying to look middle class.

I don't agree with the scruffy bit, but thinking about it, babies are the most telling - and have no choice on the matter!

Babies in babygrows until they are 1: middle or upper clas
Babies in grown-up clothes, designer wear from pretty much birth: definitively working class!

Kids wearing a fake suit or terribly fussy clothes at weddings are lower class too.

Royal page boys are just as ridiculous to be fair!

In saying that though there seems to be a badge of honour on MN (as can be seen on this thread) for having filthy children with matted hair. That really isn't anything to be proud of, it just screams 'I'm trying to be sooo MC!' I say that as a Mum who only bathed the DC twice once per week, but obviously if they got filthy I would bath them. Hair that is visibly matted should be flagged as a safeguarding concern.

Middle class kids always look like they need a bath to me.

Why is that an ok thing to say? If someone said, working class kids always look like they need a bath people would (rightly) get a bit fucked off.

DH side of the family are middle class, whereas mine are working class. Shopping second hand, and passing clothes down is great when you're doing it through choice. It isn't so fun when that's your only option. It's then that you want to appear like you have the same choices in life.

Yeah, the whole idea that there's no such thing as class just tribes sold a few books in the 90s, when everyone was optimistic that the internet would herald a habermassian communication situation and the social walls would break and we'd all hold hands with 'our' people. But, that just never happened except perhaps in marketing strategies.

Asthenia did we have the same Nan? I remember vividly my Nan coming at me with a red hot soapy flannel straight on you face! Bubbles in your mouth and up your nose lol. My friends Nan used to use a scouring pad to get the dirt off her knees.
I remember there being a head lice outbreak at my sons school and telling the teacher my Nan would be spinning in her grave if she thought my two had head lice. She said funnily enough she never had them when she taught in a poor, working class area!

Yes where I grew up the local town had a lot of old money/academic money people who usually looked like they were wearing very expensive clothes they had totally wrecked. My mum was WC so we had to dress nicely etc and thus stuck out like sore thumb.

I wouldn’t cultivate that look as I associate it with being highly pretentious and rather quirky-try-hard but I’m certainly more MC than my parents I am a lot more comfortable with dressing the kids in what they want rather than what I want. But I will admit I don’t buy cartoon/Disney clothing and that’s that!

I agree with you hazeyjane, the poster is carrying a weighty chip and is quite a snob.

I'm still waiting to hear which royal child looks like Orphan Annie too.

This isn't new. Jilly Cooper made reference to it in her book Class (published around 1979) - that the middle classes and upwards don't care if they look scruffy, whereas the working classes take pride in looking neat/smart/expensively dressed.

I think there is a fair bit of truth in the idea that working-class parents are scared to let their DC look mucky in case SS start treating them as neglectful or abusive, too. On the whole, I'm in the scruff camp as I think it's better for kids to be comfortable rather than fussing about what they are wearing.

Have to say I completely agree with your observation, but not necessarily relating to class. I think it’s about the parents level of education, and this dictates their priorities.

I’m not middle class, I’d say working class. But I do have an education as does dh.
I’ve noticed that a lot of people who are less educated fixate on things like an immaculately clean pram for example.
I’d would have rather played with ds or read him a book than spent half an hour cleaning my pram covers each evening.
Likewise I am always happy for him to splash in puddles/play in sand etc because I see the value in this type of Learning.
Whereas some less educated parents I have seen seem to fixate on having an immaculate pram, an immaculate child and an immaculate house. And it must be about what they regard a priority for their child and the association that dirty = poor.
Clean/designer = well cared for child and family must have enough cash.

I remember Jilly Cooper at the time of her book 'Class' describing Shirley Williams as having the dragged through a hedge backwards look that you can only get unless you've been to a really good school.

If you’re middle class, you can get away with a lot more in terms of scruffiness without being judged. And middle class parents (I include myself here) get a kick out of appearing non materialistic.The fact that Boden-that most middle class of shops-designs a lot of its children’s clothes to look as if they are hand me downs faded from summers playing on the beach at Southwold is evidence!

I think I might count too🙈😳😆..... clothes don’t carry status for us. If we’re going somewhere smart (elderly relatives, theatre etc) then I’ll make sure they’re turned out nicely but day to day they dress themselves from whatever happens to be in their wardrobes (which are filled from the hand me down boxes which friends kindly pass on) and I expect them to be responsible for their own hair etc. If I have to buy something new it’s usually H&M or Sainsbury’s. We expect our cars to last 10 plus years, we look anything but flash😁