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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if middle class children appear more ‘scruffy’

999 replies

Workingclass · 27/12/2018 19:02

Went to a Childs party today for an old school friends DD (they are incredibly middle class) and her group of mum friends (who are equally as middle class)

I admit I don’t usually socialise in many middle class circles but I couldn’t help but notice that all of the children looked... scruffy, for want of a better word.

None of them had brushed their hair, they were all in mismatched clothes with muck on their faces. Didn’t look bathed..

I feel awful saying it, but I notice this also with the MC children at the DC school, has anyone else noticed it? I’m just curious as to why this seems to be a thing? Does my dds plaits and dresses ‘out’ her as having a working class family?

Is it more of a privilege thing? We don’t have much money so am weary of being judged as lazy by not doing her hair, I also make an effort to dress her nicely so she doesn’t look like ‘the poor kid’ is it that if your middle class you don’t have that fear?

Absolutely happy to be told IABU and judgemental but I am genuinely curious on the subject.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
littleducks · 27/12/2018 19:15

Yes it's definitely a thing

Doesn't matter much but have observed it to be true

NataliaOsipova · 27/12/2018 19:16

I know what you mean - ignore the naysayers! I think what you’re missing (if you don’t mind my putting it like that) is that “middle class” isn’t one “tribe” of people. It sounds to me like your friend has friends who all fall within a particular subset (if you think about it, this is maybe why they are all friends!). I don’t think your daughter’s appearance would mark you out as a particular class - just maybe as not one of their narrow tribe?

BumbleyBum · 27/12/2018 19:17

Yes, mine look scruffy (as I see it!) they live in their joggers, trainers and hoodies Confused

IVEgottheJINGLEBELLS · 27/12/2018 19:17

I work with children and see this often as well. The more well off families seem to be the ones more likely to have 'nursery clothes' which are stained etc.

Thehop · 27/12/2018 19:17

Yes I’ve often thought this!

Hulloa · 27/12/2018 19:18

I agree as well OP and think the reason is as you have given. The middle classes can relax in terms of smartness because they have the house/car/holidays as signifiers of their status. No one would ever think their children were wearing old/dirty clothes because they couldn't afford to wash them or buy new ones: they don't have to prove themselves that way as there are many other ways in which they can prove themselves. See also: why picking up super bargains in charity shops is an almost exclusively middle class activity.

Neverunderfed · 27/12/2018 19:18

I would totally agree OP. Less to 'prove'.

Sockwomble · 27/12/2018 19:19

That could be my son you are describing although he is bathed but gets messy quickly and we have never bothered about how this looks to others.
I'm not sure it is a class thing because we were exactly the same as children and my background is definitely working class.

iamyourequal · 27/12/2018 19:19

ScreamingBadSanta

The children in the Royal Family always look immaculate!. But they are upper class, not middle class.

I agree with you to an extent OP. I think many middle class parents probably feel that at a children’s gathering, their kids should go feeling comfortable in whatever they feel like wearing. They are also comfortable enough in themselves not to give a fig what others might think of their children’s party outfits..... It would be nicer if they were clean with brushed hair though!

You say yourself you are working class and put in more effort. I think (I’m prepared to be flamed here) this is often the case. I see a lot of working class people who love to put their babies in expensive designer outfits.

Cheeeeislifenow · 27/12/2018 19:20

I don't really understand middle class?

Unfinishedkitchen · 27/12/2018 19:20

I actually think they are trying to keep up appearances. There is a certain type of desperate insecure middle class person who is keen for everyone to see them as bohemian and creative and dare I say it middle class. They delight in having scruffy boys called Rafferty with long messy hair covered in dirt and don’t see nits as a problem. They actually think clean kids, with short hair and nice clean clothes look working class which is apparently bad.

Mayhemmumma · 27/12/2018 19:20

It's a thing imo! Mismatched I don't care hand me down style (which are mostly Bioden and all natural fibres)

Wild hair = look at my children loving life, not defined by gender stereotypes....

Thewifipasswordis · 27/12/2018 19:20

Yes because they dont have to look or wear their 'best'. They're comfy and arent arsed about clothes looking scruffy because generally they arent that arsed about preserving clothes as replacing them isnt an issue, or the kids are in hand me down clothes from siblings because they get their money out of them too. Jojo etc and expensive.

Generally the kids who look immaculate in designer brands, sunday best etc hair scraped back are from poorer families.

70sbaubles · 27/12/2018 19:21

Yes definitely. The MC ones at our school wear hand down jumpers in the old style, the boys have long matted hair.
The chavs are immaculate with short cut hair and adidas everything.
If some poor people let their kids piss about in scruffy, gender neutral clothes and fairy wings SS would take note. If you talk in the right accent it's 'eccentric'

DramaticGoose · 27/12/2018 19:21

You might be onto something here... my son's nursery has a mix of children, some from very working class families some from middle class families. His best friend is from quite a poor, working class family (single mum) and his mum (who is lovely and one of my favourite new mummy friends I've made since having ds) is REALLY particular about his clothing. She used to get really upset if her ds got paint or mud on himself until I suggested she buy some cheap nursery clothes and keep the nice stuff for weekends like I do...

DH will dress ds in pretty much anything so long as it's on the top of the pile and you can tell but I bite my tongue because I don't want ds thinking dressing children is wimmins work! So sometimes he looks scruffy even at the weekend...

TBH I don't know that it matters.

Ifailed · 27/12/2018 19:22

Does my dds plaits and dresses ‘out’ her as having a working class family?
More likely 'outs' her as someone being bought up that appearance is more important than how they are.

SoyDora · 27/12/2018 19:22

We don’t have much money so am weary of being judged as lazy by not doing her hair, I also make an effort to dress her nicely so she doesn’t look like ‘the poor kid’ is it that if your middle class you don’t have that fear

Yes I think there’s an element of truth to this. Middle class people are less bothered about looking smart as they know they’re not being judged on appearances. They’re more likely to put their kids in hand me downs/clothes from charity shops etc.
Working class parents can be more conscious of being judged, so will maybe be more likely to buy brand new/dress their DC in immaculate matching outfits etc.

formerbabe · 27/12/2018 19:22

Yep I agree with you op and have noticed it too.

The middle class kids are always the scruffiest whereas working class kids are immaculately turned out.

Please note... I'm talking about middle class and working class and not upper class and the underclass. That's a whole different kettle of fish!

TAMumof3 · 27/12/2018 19:23

I agree with OP.
I am middle class and the look we go for is replica Boden ish (with a twist of home-crafted for individuality) - I kid you not - plaits is way too neat.
To fit in a bit better consider :
Checked flannel (almost pj) trousers.
Knitted materials in patches.
Never ever colour co-ordinate your child, mis-matched blends is what your after.
Nothing with unicorns, disney or two-way swiping sequins.
For girls aim for a chin-length bob rather than long hair, unless curly in which case go for long long.

It is possible to get away with a dress - but this requires intense application of quirkiness - pieces and patches are always good, if daughter can sew her own all the better.

Child should not look dirty - unless dirt comes with message - yes honestly - messages that fit in are things like playing rugby (not football obviously), playing in the woods (not garden and never never back-yard), and of course the expected "we've come straight from the stables".

ILoveMaxiBondi · 27/12/2018 19:23

It’s definitely a thing OP and I’m always amused by those (usually the MC scruffs Wink) who pretend it isn’t Grin

SoyDora · 27/12/2018 19:23

^ obviously that’s not a ‘rule’, just an attitude I’ve encountered in the past!
It doesn’t matter how immaculately I dress my DC, they look like scruffs within 5 mins anyway.

StealthPolarBear · 27/12/2018 19:24

Oh rubbish I failed

Ivegotthree · 27/12/2018 19:24

We would be considered fairly 'posh' I suppose, and our children are clean but not necessarily in super smart clothes. If we're in the country (as opposed to London) they will be in any old cheap jeans and a jumper. But nothing with eg a cartoon character on.

I notice the more 'working class' background friends of ours dress their children really smartly. As do those who've recently made a lot of money. But I think it's nice . I don't want everyone to dress the same.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 27/12/2018 19:25

Are you trying to be goady OP? Hmm

Unihorn · 27/12/2018 19:25

I grew up working class and we always had to look smart before leaving the house. If we were going to the nearby city for a day of shopping we'd have to wear our best clothes and look immaculate. If I suggested wearing tracksuit bottoms my mum would have had a heart attack.

I'm a bit more relaxed with mine now but I still have an element of them having to look more presentable than others I think. My DSD stresses me out sometimes because her side of the family don't have this attitude and she often goes to school looking incredibly dishevelled. I always think the teachers must think us awful.