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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if middle class children appear more ‘scruffy’

999 replies

Workingclass · 27/12/2018 19:02

Went to a Childs party today for an old school friends DD (they are incredibly middle class) and her group of mum friends (who are equally as middle class)

I admit I don’t usually socialise in many middle class circles but I couldn’t help but notice that all of the children looked... scruffy, for want of a better word.

None of them had brushed their hair, they were all in mismatched clothes with muck on their faces. Didn’t look bathed..

I feel awful saying it, but I notice this also with the MC children at the DC school, has anyone else noticed it? I’m just curious as to why this seems to be a thing? Does my dds plaits and dresses ‘out’ her as having a working class family?

Is it more of a privilege thing? We don’t have much money so am weary of being judged as lazy by not doing her hair, I also make an effort to dress her nicely so she doesn’t look like ‘the poor kid’ is it that if your middle class you don’t have that fear?

Absolutely happy to be told IABU and judgemental but I am genuinely curious on the subject.

OP posts:
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sj257 · 27/12/2018 19:34

We are working class, I look scruffy but my kids always look lovely, would rather they have nice clothes than me 🙈🤣

Knittink · 27/12/2018 19:34

I think this is often true, though obviously it's a massive sweeping generalisation. I'm pretty MC and my children are definitely scruffier and less expensively dressed than some of their less mc friends. We just aren't particularly fussed about appearance really. I never iron anything. They aren't dirty, though they shower every other day rather than every day.

There are a couple of my dd's friends who are always immaculate and always smell as though they've just stepped out of a bath full of Zoflora, to the point that our house still smells perfumed when they've been here!

NerrSnerr · 27/12/2018 19:34

My daughter often looks scruffy. She has crazy curly hair that won't stay in plaits. We don't do the whole Boden, Joules thing though, I buy most of my clothes in charity shops. She sported a great Go Jetters jumper today so no snobbery over cartoon tops or motifs here (my toddler wore a top saying something like 'Little Monster' today too).

TooMuchInfoOnTheInternet · 27/12/2018 19:36

Definitely my DC although I don't let their hair get too long as it just stands up like a brush!

DC1 lives in his (one acceptable) hoody and tracksuit bottoms with the knees almost worn through. DC2 tends to go for the baggiest hand me downs from his older brother.

TBH they look a mess but they're reasonably clean and I don't care that much what others think. I do encourage them to dress nicely for parties but it's not worth a fight.

Also love a charity shop bargain!

What a stereotype Blush

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 27/12/2018 19:36

It’s a thing,a mc tribe of scruffy kids who look like they collect tadpoles in jars
The underlying message is,one is so prosperous we don’t need visible demonstrable affluence
You don’t need to demonstrate affluence by labels etc as it’s intrinsically assumed you know we are loaded
The affectation is of a outdoorsy arty childhood,all thrown together

NerrSnerr · 27/12/2018 19:36

She does wear a party dress though, but with black Adidas trainers as they make her run faster so she can get to the food table quick and sit next to her best friend!

starzig · 27/12/2018 19:37

I think you could be right in the first instance. Lower and working class are trying to aspire and worry about being looked down on and end up overdressing. Middle class don't worry so much. The most expensive trainers are always on the poorest kids.

NerrSnerr · 27/12/2018 19:37

She does wear a party dress though, but with black Adidas trainers as they make her run faster so she can get to the food table quick and sit next to her best friend!

flossietoot · 27/12/2018 19:37

Well I am going to put the cat amongst the pigeons and say at my daughters private school dressing the kids in Biden/ joules, and even worse the mothers would be seen by many as totally naff and far far too try hard. Their peer group are all knocking about in primark and Tesco sequins stuff- including unicorns, and the mums are in a real mixture but lots of moncler/ Canada Goose and Popski coats.

GenerationSnowflake · 27/12/2018 19:37

I don't think Primark is any class nowadays, even posh kids seem to pop there to buy "hilarious" clothes from time to time.
Appealing to any range of the population is quite an achievement, you have to give them that.

Asthenia · 27/12/2018 19:37

I’m from a working class family, children looked after mostly by my grandmother and we all were immaculate. She used to line us up by the door to check our faces for dirt/noses for bogies etc. Shoes always shined, best dresses on for parties, hair neatly done. I used to nanny for a very middle class family (upper middle) and the state the parents let the boys out in sometimes was very strange to me! Stained jumpers, messy hair, food on their faces. I used to spend ages getting them cleaned up and the mum would say she didn’t like their hair brushed and neat! Very odd to me.

huggybear · 27/12/2018 19:38

Mumsnet is the only place public I hear class discussed... I thought class was dead?

Fairylea · 27/12/2018 19:38

I’ve definitely noticed this.

The richest people I know (think huge listed mansion, in the middle of very sought after rural area) dress their two children in clothes that to me look they’ve been pulled out of a jumble sale 50p any item basket. Grin I’m laughing as I say that because I know it sounds so awful and judgey. Blush Theyre really lovely people, just clothes are not important to them. They spend their money on houses and cars. That’s their thing.

I grew up middle class but I am basically very working class now. I buy most of the dcs stuff from next and h and m, that sort of thing. I don’t know what that says about me really but I wouldn’t dream of putting them in tatty old worn stuff even if it was Boden or Joules or whatever else.

Pieceofpurplesky · 27/12/2018 19:39

Totally agree but not a new thing. When I was a child (40 odd years ago) my best friend lived in a massive house and had ponies. Dad had a fantastic job and mum bred pedigree dogs. Kids were always really scruffy and unwashed. Wild hair etc. I used to think it was so great - yet interestingly they were the strictest parents when in cane to school work and all but one child went on to be a lawyer.

Today one of DS's friends is the child of a doctor and a lawyer. He has unkempt hair and wore a faded sponge Bob t shirt and joggers to the school leaving party. They are also tiger parents when it comes to school work.

I wonder if they want to appear as if they are laid back and cool to cover the desire to excel?

Cloglover · 27/12/2018 19:39

I totally agree with the poster who said it was more about tribe rather than class.

BitchQueen90 · 27/12/2018 19:39

I didn't meet anyone middle class until I was 18. The first time I went into her house I was shocked at the state of it. It was over 3 floors and there was clutter everywhere even up all the stairs!

I don't know anyone else middle class (apart from my boss at work!) so I can't really judge off just one person.

I'm working class and I live in a working class area so don't really meet many people of different classes.

FWIW I've never bought anything from Primark in my life.

hazeyjane · 27/12/2018 19:40

Nothing with unicorns, disney or two-way swiping sequins

Can I say though that I have seen ALL these things on children from all backgrounds at preschool and school (even if some of them are Boden rather than Primark)

Knittink · 27/12/2018 19:42

You don’t need to demonstrate affluence by labels etc as it’s intrinsically assumed you know we are loaded

I don't think it's about being loaded though. It's about background and class. I know plenty of mc people who are absolutely not wealthy, but still don't buy showy stuff or have smartly-dressed dc. We are not at all wealthy (teachers) but definitely fall into this category. I wouldn't dream of dressing up to go shopping!

IamTheMeg · 27/12/2018 19:42

I agree. From my experience, having plenty of money and education gives you a sense of security that means you don't have to show off. Also very little time for shopping and materialism etc

Timeandtune · 27/12/2018 19:42

I noticed this when I moved from Glasgow to Edinburgh before DS1 was born. My Edinburgh mum friends shopped at charity shops and didn’t give a hoot about designer labels.
Very different to the average Glasgow parent who will see their child’s appearance as a reflection of them.
When we moved back to Glasgow DS2 benefitted from generous hand me downs from other ( “middle class”) mums. All had labels and logos.
I realise this is a massive generalisation and is only my experience.

TeachesOfPeaches · 27/12/2018 19:42

I worked with an actual inherited title lady and she was one of the scruffiest most unkempt people I ever met with extremely questionable hygiene. Great fun though and lots of interesting stories.

Think it might stem from when they had staff so never did their own washing and cleaning.

bluebellpillow · 27/12/2018 19:43

I work in a hospital and see lots of children/families. MC/WC is a huge category so I'm uncomfortable pigeon holing people, but I can spot a social climber a mile away. Mum and daughter will often be twinning, lots of brand names on show. The child will say they went on an aeroplane recently, Mum will say they went to 'Marbs' and mention the resort they go to every year. Mum will say she left the appointment letter in the Range Rover/Audi rather than the car. There is one family where the young girl turns up every time looking like Nellie Olsen from Little House on The Prairie; hair in ringlets, big frilly dress with matching frilly socks folded down over shoes. Mum performance parents loudly in the waiting area about how much shoes/dress/school bag costs.

The children that turn up looking as if they have made no special effort to look decent are probably higher up in the socio economic bracket.

iamyourequal · 27/12/2018 19:43

@StealthPolarBear

Why no cartoon characters?
.....Cartoon characters and swipey sequins galore. Does that make us an underclass.?
That probably makes you a complete abomination! But do you care? I used to have a group of friends who would sneer at my DD dressed in Disney and - the horror of all horrors- a side ponytail. I ditched them as friends (mainly for other reasons).

IamTheMeg · 27/12/2018 19:43

I also know many people who were very poor struggling students, yet posh, who were happy in their bangers with their charity shop jackets and scarves! Old habits don't die easily

WickedGoodDoge · 27/12/2018 19:44

My DC are definitely scruffy. DS tried to go along to an annual DH family get together where everyone dresses quite nicely, wearing an old t shirt and jogging bottoms with a massive hole in them. I sad he was fine. DH disagreed quite vehemently and made him change into decent trousers and button up shirt. Grin

I have no idea if it’s a class thing, but DC are MC, DH not so much. When I grew up in a well off town in New England though, kids were either preppies or Dead Heads. All were middle class so you really couldn’t make a scruffiness based on class assumption there.