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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if middle class children appear more ‘scruffy’

999 replies

Workingclass · 27/12/2018 19:02

Went to a Childs party today for an old school friends DD (they are incredibly middle class) and her group of mum friends (who are equally as middle class)

I admit I don’t usually socialise in many middle class circles but I couldn’t help but notice that all of the children looked... scruffy, for want of a better word.

None of them had brushed their hair, they were all in mismatched clothes with muck on their faces. Didn’t look bathed..

I feel awful saying it, but I notice this also with the MC children at the DC school, has anyone else noticed it? I’m just curious as to why this seems to be a thing? Does my dds plaits and dresses ‘out’ her as having a working class family?

Is it more of a privilege thing? We don’t have much money so am weary of being judged as lazy by not doing her hair, I also make an effort to dress her nicely so she doesn’t look like ‘the poor kid’ is it that if your middle class you don’t have that fear?

Absolutely happy to be told IABU and judgemental but I am genuinely curious on the subject.

OP posts:
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TooManyPaws · 27/12/2018 19:56

Arrgg. can't get unless or only get if

BertrandRussell · 27/12/2018 19:57

If you’re poor and/or working class, you have to work much harder at looking respectable to escape judgement. Shocking, but true.

bookishtartlet · 27/12/2018 19:58

This is definitely a Thing. I come from working class, but am now technically "middle class". Lots of longer shaggy hair on boys, joggers and dirty finger nails at our toddler yoga! My family, mainly working class are all short back and side hair cuts on tiny boys and branded trainers before they can walk...

mortifiedmama · 27/12/2018 19:59

I agree OP.

There's working class neglect, working class wanting not be judged and so have immaculate kids, middle class scruffs and the well to do who have others to wash and dress their kids for them!

GirlFliesHome · 27/12/2018 19:59

I love two way swipey sequins. I just wish they made them for boys because then my two would be bedecked like a christmas tree.

snarferson · 27/12/2018 20:00

My DD always has messy hair!! I can't seem to tame it. I've never been good at hair. Maybe it's because I am "middle class".

mbosnz · 27/12/2018 20:00

I'm still trying to get my head around all this 'class' stuff.

All I know is that I only have so much energy for so many fights with my kids.

I work hard at requiring them to be clean and not smell offensive. I feel this should not be so hard - but for at least one of them, it is.

There are certain things they know they will be required to dress to my standard, not their taste - generally, that is school interviews, weddings and funerals.

Other than that, I roll my eyes, sigh, thank the Lord that Mum is on the other side of the world not to see them and judge me, and make sure the wine is in the fridge. And hope like hell that one day they have kids like themselves. . .

JamesBlonde1 · 27/12/2018 20:00

I noticed this a long time ago. I think it’s a confidence thing. I am completely fine with going into a charity shop. Some of the lower working (probably not working) class wouldn’t dream of it. Their peers would jeer them for being poor.

Those with less money are likely to buy labelled clothes for their children, whether they can afford them or not. They “lay” them away, so pay something per week until it’s paid for then the store keeper gives it to them. I have some clients, who I would define as poor, who do this. This will spark a response, but my friends and I would describe the clothes they buy as gypsified.

piggybrownhare · 27/12/2018 20:00

Yes I notice this. My sisters kids go to a school in a very middle class area. I am fascinated to see so many scruffy kids with unbrushed wild hair and mismatched clothes. Look closely though and the clothes are well worn Boden/Frugi and other expensive makes. I think they must be trying to achieve the look as there is a distinct style/trend, lots of dresses with wellies. My kids go to a school 2 Miles away and it isn’t apparent there.

JamesBlonde1 · 27/12/2018 20:00

Like this

To wonder if middle class children appear more ‘scruffy’
GenerationSnowflake · 27/12/2018 20:00

It's more likely that if you are poor/working class, you think you have to look respectable, no one else actually cares.

I am working class, but I have been in London for enough time not to bother dressing up to meet my mortgage manager - I know some people still feel like they must dress smartly, which is weird if you think about it.

JamesBlonde1 · 27/12/2018 20:01

Or this

To wonder if middle class children appear more ‘scruffy’
BlancheM · 27/12/2018 20:01

Kind of. The upper middle and upper class children me and my younger siblings went to school with would turn up at school with hair knotted, felt tip pen across faces ect
I remember my mum saying to me 'they are millionaires, you wouldn't have thought it to look at them, they just don't care!'

abacucat · 27/12/2018 20:01

This isn't about showing off. Its about a fear of being judged. Poor people are used to being judged for being poor, and they don't want their kids to suffer from this.

bluebellpillow · 27/12/2018 20:03

Perhaps quite controversial, but IMO people from truly MC backgrounds look better anyway, so look neater even if they aren't polished, if that makes sense? MC women are usually taller, long femurs/necks and have high cheekbones and good posture. Even if they aren't well groomed they can carry off 'the look' better than a woman who is short and dumpy.

Ribbonsonabox · 27/12/2018 20:03

Depends on the area. It's certainly true round here as it's very attachment parenting, hand knitted, free range, second hand, all wooden toys, let the child wash when they feel like it, homeschooling, but extremely wealthy.... I dont mind it so much because I'm certainly not wealthy but I am highly disorganised so my kids do often look scruffy... so round here I just look middle class lol

ShesABelter · 27/12/2018 20:03

Actually now you mention it yeah I agree. All the middle class people I know do look alot scruffier. The working class I socialise with have children turned out immaculately.

GenerationSnowflake · 27/12/2018 20:03

I love two way swipey sequins. I just wish they made them for boys because then my two would be bedecked like a christmas tree

they absolutely do them for boys, at least the little ones! They are loads in the boy section in H&M, Gap and Next.

GenerationSnowflake · 27/12/2018 20:03

*they have or there are Blush

BlancheM · 27/12/2018 20:04

Girl DS2 received a few swipey sequinned tops from H&M for Christmas. Two of them feature dinosaurs.

abacucat · 27/12/2018 20:04

I went to school in a very poor area over 50 years ago. Most of the families lived in 1 or 2 rooms, most had no indoor running hot water and outside toilets shared with other families. The school photos I have most of the kids look immaculate.

There is also in working class areas a fear that if kids look too scruffy, they will be referred to social services.

JamesBlonde1 · 27/12/2018 20:04

Doesn’t it apply to the adults as well though.

Someone with less money is likely to be done up to the nines, fake tan, false eyelashes, fake hair extensions, 2 hours worth of make-up, handbag with an obvious label, jelly Vivienne Westwood shoes. That’s what happens in my area of the North-East anyway. Dead give away they are living hand to mouth.

formerbabe · 27/12/2018 20:05

Lots of longer shaggy hair on boys, joggers and dirty finger nails at our toddler yoga! My family, mainly working class are all short back and side hair cuts on tiny boys

Hair on boys is a class issue for sure.

Yura · 27/12/2018 20:05

I actually ad to laugh - describes my day today perfectly. went to playground with SIL. my (i’m very middle class) kids were in Outdoor coats, waterproof trousers, coated in mud . my niece was in in silver shoes, white tights, red dress, white coat. they stayed less than 10 minutes. Priorities are very, very different

Timeandtune · 27/12/2018 20:05

I am hoping that if the baby box idea really takes off people might be less inclined to spend huge amounts on clothes, toys and baby equipment. I genuinely understand the self esteem thing but it would be great if people didn’t get into debt/go without so that their children can have designer gear.