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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if middle class children appear more ‘scruffy’

999 replies

Workingclass · 27/12/2018 19:02

Went to a Childs party today for an old school friends DD (they are incredibly middle class) and her group of mum friends (who are equally as middle class)

I admit I don’t usually socialise in many middle class circles but I couldn’t help but notice that all of the children looked... scruffy, for want of a better word.

None of them had brushed their hair, they were all in mismatched clothes with muck on their faces. Didn’t look bathed..

I feel awful saying it, but I notice this also with the MC children at the DC school, has anyone else noticed it? I’m just curious as to why this seems to be a thing? Does my dds plaits and dresses ‘out’ her as having a working class family?

Is it more of a privilege thing? We don’t have much money so am weary of being judged as lazy by not doing her hair, I also make an effort to dress her nicely so she doesn’t look like ‘the poor kid’ is it that if your middle class you don’t have that fear?

Absolutely happy to be told IABU and judgemental but I am genuinely curious on the subject.

OP posts:
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CatulusLady78 · 27/12/2018 19:25

Yes, I agree - I think it's just that more affluent families don't feel they've anything to prove. Same reason that the people I know most likely to have threadbare jerseys and care not a jot are aristocrats, or at least old monied upper classes.

70sbaubles · 27/12/2018 19:25

Nothing with unicorns, disney or two-way swiping sequins
Totally spot on. Waaaaay too primark!

NeedAUsernameGenerator · 27/12/2018 19:25

Middle class is such a broad section of society though. I've met all sorts personally and I don't think it's possible to generalise. My kids, for example, are usually dressed in clean well fitting clothes but they might be mismatched and the oldest will invariably have messy hair. Most kids at their school are neatly dressed whatever class their parents are (mix of middle and working class)

StealthPolarBear · 27/12/2018 19:26

Why no cartoon characters?
My children have long scruffy hair. Scruffy clothes mostly from supermarkets. Cartoon characters and swipey sequins galore. Does that make us an underclass.

Yura · 27/12/2018 19:26

@DaisyDando buying a polarn o pyret coat to NOT get it filthy would be pretty pointless. they are waterproof outdoor coats, made to withstand outdoor play.
i would have to eash my kids coats daily to keep them clean - they are active kuds who play outdoors.

ChristmasWrappingTheWaitresses · 27/12/2018 19:27

I guess we would count here. My kids wear clothes bought from boot sales so I can free up our cash to go on lots of holidays. Clothes/appearance just aren't a priority for us and we don't care what others think. If they judge us so what. We have plenty of good friends who love us for actual proper reasons.

And I think that kids should be allowed to be kids. To play and get messy and experience life without fussy limits.

StealthPolarBear · 27/12/2018 19:27

How do so many people on mn know aristocrats and are distantly related to royals?

wizzywig · 27/12/2018 19:27

I remember way way back when jemima goldsmith was married to imran khan and living in pakistan, the utter horror expressed that she would leave the house au natrel (ie, no makeup, low key hair and clothes). Being rich and not dressing accordingly just didnt make sense.

Branleuse · 27/12/2018 19:29

yes i think this is often true

UserMe18 · 27/12/2018 19:29

How does one get an invite to a MC party?

MrsJonSno · 27/12/2018 19:29

I have absolutely noticed this too. Not scruffy as in dirty but scruffy as in faded, worn out, mid matched clothes. Old Boden spotty tights with a patterned totally unmatching too small Joules T-shirt.

Notasunnybunny · 27/12/2018 19:30

Hahaha yes, this is very true of upper middle classes. Truly upper class means you get to look like you’ve been dragged through a bush, even on a night out! Floppy unbrushed hair is a posh essential

greenybluey · 27/12/2018 19:30

I think I agree. I am probably pretty middle class. My kids probably look pretty scruffy. I mean they have quite a lot of nice clothes, but my son won't let us cut his hair, loves digging in the garden and obsessed with choosing his own clothes. Unless it's a special occasion I generally don't care that they look scruffy, as long as they are happy. They are clean - I bath them pretty much every night but they are toddlers and so the smooshed in banana is unavoidable unless I bathe and change them after every meal. My friends who I grew up with (grew up in a really working class area) all have immaculately dressed kids. All the time. Everything matches. I don't know how they do it. It's lovely, but it's just not important to me.

Lattesforlife · 27/12/2018 19:30

Ds is at private school and there is a pride of buying second hand, charity shop bargains, clothes handed around so smaller / younger friends can get use out of them too. I think it’s true, there’s nothing to prove. I like it Blush no one cares what you look like!

MaisyPops · 27/12/2018 19:30

Hulloa has it spot on.

I find the same in my area too. People who might be more settled and comfortable middle class financially tend to be less bothered about having status symbols through phones and technology and clothes etc. Their children have hand me downs and their cars are normal cars that get run into the ground.

Whereas some people from other groups seem to want to have their children in best togs, have the designer bags, have a new car every 2 years etc.

GenerationSnowflake · 27/12/2018 19:30

I think the unwashed aspect is bollocks, at least the middle and upper class kids I have seen over the years seem to bath and have clean clothes every day at least.Hmm

It's true that the label-wearing show-off are definitively lower-class, Ralph Lauren being the most offensive of all apparently, and mini grand-father cap and fake bow tie on babies is a lower class thing.
But it's also true that you don't see middle and upper class children in tracksuit bottoms and trainers, they just wear normal clothes.

Seems the extreme are the working class, the middle range.. middle class, makes sense Grin I am totally working class by the way!

LaLaLanded · 27/12/2018 19:31

DS dresses in trackie bottoms and ALL tops must be Pokemon, Minecraft or Fornite. Tracksuit tops are allowed but ideally with zips and NO buttons allowed whatsoever. Colours must be dark. Only trainers shall be worn.

DS is 7. When he was three I dressed him in lovely corduroys and beautiful brown boots. Then he developed an opinion - now he looks like a tiny roadman. But so do his friends regardless of background - is this a London thing??

CaptainBrickbeard · 27/12/2018 19:31

Yes, I am quite middle class and used to live in a very working class area. My children and my house were the scruffiest and dirtiest of everyone I knew locally. I definitely recognise this as a thing.

newmumwithquestions · 27/12/2018 19:32

I’d say we were middle class. My 2 choose their own clothes (with a bit of steerage - eg must have hat and warm coat for weather). So they are often in mismatched clothes. I suggest things that are more suitable but if they want to wear something I let them. Also we have half/half new clothes and charity shop/hand me downs so sometimes they’re in very worn things. I don’t bother.

They are bathed pretty much every night. I’m a bit lax about hair - it gets washed and nit combed once a week - everything else is a bonus!

I’d say we have a good hygiene routine with them, I don’t care if they ‘look’ clean or not though.

My mum was just here and started sponging some mud off DDs waterproof coat - I had seen it but didn’t bother about it being there.

EssentialHummus · 27/12/2018 19:32

I’ve noticed similar - among my wealthier friends I’m regularly offered third-hand Boden.

luanmapo · 27/12/2018 19:33

My daughter wears whatever she is most comfortable in to any party.... this is usually leggings and a t shirt.

I can never, ever get her to wear a dress. She says they itch. She also dislikes her hair in anything more than just a low ponytail.
I’m not fussed, she is not fussed if all the other children are dressed up either.

Surely them having a good time is the most important factor at any party, without feeling judged.

I would consider us middle class if that matters.

TeachesOfPeaches · 27/12/2018 19:33

Posh people pass down their cashmere and other heritage brand clothing so it looks scruffy.

As a very working class child I looked like those old fashioned toilet roll covers. I wore a petticoats and pristine frilly socks when everyone else wore jeans Blush

CatulusLady78 · 27/12/2018 19:33

stealthPolarbear there are quite a lot of aristocrats about...

stressedtiredbuthappy · 27/12/2018 19:33

I see where you're coming from.
I'm working class, had parents who had big families, poor, hand me downs, etc.
I never had second best anything and I'm the same with my daughter.
I do bargain hunt but I spend far more on her clothes than I need to.
Her shoes and coats are never Asda and she has never had primark in her life. (I do!)
I get bored quickly and sell all her stuff on in bundles of clothes, shoes etc.
I have had people in Range Rovers and BMW's at my door, many times.

RiddleyW · 27/12/2018 19:33

I have noticed this. The person saying it’s because the middle classes are insecure sounds bonkers, it’s really not that.

I just don’t care much what people think (and I do recognise that’s a privilege). DS generally picks his own clothes so it’s usually clashing. He doesn’t own any jeans just soft leggings type stuff. I think my MIL thinks he looks scruffy.