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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is my neighbour being cruel to her child?

110 replies

Bigdad74 · 27/12/2018 13:40

I live in the UK. I have a neighbour from Eastern Europe who has some strange ideas about parenting. She is a single mother of two boys aged 10 and 4. I have no doubt whatsoever that she loves her children. However it has recently come to light that she is taking the youngest out walking their dog, 2 or 3 times a night, actually in the middle of the night when everyone else is in bed. It is winter time and I find this bizarre. She claims it is to build up his immune system. Meanwhile her 10 year old is left asleep alone in the house. I am greatly concerned.

OP posts:

HairyDogsFeet · 27/12/2018 13:42

EE families leaving children at home is normal. Speak to the school and they will talk to her. We have it a start of our induction for newly arrived families- explaining that we don't leave children alone in the Uk.

But 10 is borderline.

PotteringAlong · 27/12/2018 13:43

How do you know?

CobaltRose96 · 27/12/2018 13:43

It is certainly bizarre, and a safeguarding issue as another child is left home alone by themselves. I don't necessarily think it's cruel but I can understand your concern.

lastqueenofscotland · 27/12/2018 13:44

Is she actually walking the dog or taking it out on the street for a shit. Cause there is a huge difference

WorraLiberty · 27/12/2018 13:45

How far away from the house does she go?

I don't think taking the child out is a problem, but leaving the other one home alone could be.

Orlande · 27/12/2018 13:47

It's fine to leave a 10 year old alone!

She obviously can't leave the 4 year old so takes him with her.

Camomila · 27/12/2018 13:50

Could something be lost in translation? Is it croup that cold air is meant to be good for?

Do you mean the actual middle of the night like 2am...because that would be cruel IMO. If its something like 9-9.30 and then they sleep well for having had the walk then its a bit unusual but not cruel IMO.

My own DS is only 2 so I'm not sure about leaving the 10 year old asleep by themselves. Seems a little young for the UK.

WorraLiberty · 27/12/2018 13:51

2am wouldn't be cruel if the child is still wide awake.

I've got loads of EE neighbours and the vast majority don't have bedtimes for their kids.

Lots of cultures don't.

Naughtykitty · 27/12/2018 13:51

There's no legal age for children to be left alone unfortunately. It is up to the parents to decide if they are capable and responsible enough. Doesn't mean I necessarily agree with a 10 year old being left.

If you have safeguarding concerns then a previous poster is correct, you can contact and raise your concerns with the school. You can do this anonymously if you wish. Or you can contact your local safeguarding/child protection team.

twattymctwatterson · 27/12/2018 14:00

This sounds more like cultural differences more than anything. A mature 10 year old should be fine to be left at home for what I presume is a short time in a secure home. I can't see ss being remotely interested

Dirtygirtyisthirty · 27/12/2018 14:02

When you say the middle of the night, what time are we actually talking?

missyB1 · 27/12/2018 14:05

I don't understand why the dog needs walking 2 or 3 times in the middle of the night? I wonder if the mum has insomnia and feels the need to go out herself? It's all very odd.

Spikeyball · 27/12/2018 14:09

What times are the dog walks taking place, how long is she gone for and how far from the house is she going?

Original poster

Bigdad74 · 27/12/2018 14:11

It has come to light when we have had the bedroom window open on a night and we have heard their voices. 1, 2, 3 in the morning. They are walking maybe 2 or 3 miles. She told my wife that they fell asleep on a park bench one time and woke up freezing. Someone from round the corner saw her in the early hours with her youngest last week and asked my wife what our neighbour is playing at. My wife just said she did not know anything about it. My view is that it is bizarre behaviour but probably done with the best of intentions. I am more concerned about the young boy she is dragging out than the older child. Surely in all societies a good night's sleep is important.

OP posts:

Dirtygirtyisthirty · 27/12/2018 14:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Limensoda · 27/12/2018 14:13

We may not do this in our 'culture' but that doesn't mean it's wrong.
A ten year old left for a short time is fine and no more dangerous in the middle of the night than the day.
The four year old won't be harmed by late walks.

Fairenuff · 27/12/2018 14:14

It's a strange time to regularly walk a dog. Maybe she is meeting someone and couldn't leave the young child at home unsupervised.

ladybee28 · 27/12/2018 14:15

Without more information, I'd say 'cruel' is a bit of a heavy word for this.

Odd, maybe, but not cruel...

WorraLiberty · 27/12/2018 14:16

I'm laughing at the park bench drip feed here...

How do you know she's 'dragging' the child out. Can you hear him/her screaming or protesting about going for a walk?

Spikeyball · 27/12/2018 14:17

Is that 2 or 3 miles each walk? With a 4 year old you would be looking at over an hour per walk.

WinnieFosterTether · 27/12/2018 14:17

You don't need to sleep all night when you don't have work/school/nursery the next day. Your neighbour isn't being cruel. And if it was freezing, there's no way she'd have been able to fall asleep on a bench.
Do you gossip about all your neighbours or just the Eastern European single parents?

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 27/12/2018 14:18

Well it's probably because she doesn't want to leave the 4 year old at home, perhaps he is waking a lot and will be worried where his mum is.

What I want to know is why the neighbour from around the corner asked your wife?

I think this one is answerless. You don't want to judge the mum.

Original poster

Bigdad74 · 27/12/2018 14:18

My view is that taking a 4 year old kid out walking the dog for miles in the middle of the night is cruel. My neighbour is actually a lovely person and I am of the opinion that she is very eccentric also and that her behaviour is misguided rather than nasty. I certainly would not wish to stick my nose in but I just cannot grasp why she is only letting a young boy sleep for 2/3 hours at a time.

OP posts:

PortiaCastis · 27/12/2018 14:20

Do you suffer with insomnia yourself as you seem to be awake at all hours of the night to hear your neighbour walking 2to3 miles, did you follow her otherwise you'd not know how far she'd walked

WorraLiberty · 27/12/2018 14:22

You can NOT drag a 4 year old child out for long walks in the middle of the night against the child's will, without hearing the child screaming or protesting.

However, if this story is true then leaving the 10yr old for so long is imo a problem.

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