Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my neighbour being cruel to her child?

110 replies

Bigdad74 · 27/12/2018 13:40

I live in the UK. I have a neighbour from Eastern Europe who has some strange ideas about parenting. She is a single mother of two boys aged 10 and 4. I have no doubt whatsoever that she loves her children. However it has recently come to light that she is taking the youngest out walking their dog, 2 or 3 times a night, actually in the middle of the night when everyone else is in bed. It is winter time and I find this bizarre. She claims it is to build up his immune system. Meanwhile her 10 year old is left asleep alone in the house. I am greatly concerned.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 27/12/2018 14:23

And if you think she's only 'letting' him sleep for 2 to 3 hours at a time, you really need to research parenting in other cultures.

It'll open your mind a bit.

Original poster
Bigdad74 · 27/12/2018 14:26

I am pretty sure the dog is happy with all the walks and the kid also. But if the kid does not have a set routine of a good night's sleep and is functioning on 2/3 naps at a time.....that to me is bizarre but yeah different cultures you know....I have seen a lot of strange things but never before have I heard about 4 year olds going to the park at 3 in the morning in the middle of winter. I think my neighbour is very unconventional and ever so slightly crazy.

OP posts:
PortiaCastis · 27/12/2018 14:28

But have you actually seen the woman at the park at 3am if not then it is gossip and hearsay

Spikeyball · 27/12/2018 14:28

Has she told you all this?

Camomila · 27/12/2018 14:28

Maybe its the DS that is the rubbish sleeper? DBro and I still regularly woke in the night even after started primary.

Unless your in Scotland it probably feels mild to her if she's used to minus 15-20 being winter temps

Do the boys seem happy the rest of the time?

WorraLiberty · 27/12/2018 14:30

It's not 'bizarre', it's just not British that's all.

Even my Sri-Lankan nextdoor neighbour's kids have never had set bedtimes or mealtimes.

They sleep when they're tired and eat (from a big pot of food on the cooker) when they're hungry.

This is common in lots of cultures. However, leaving the 10yr old alone is imo a problem here, due to the length of time.

HollowTalk · 27/12/2018 14:32

If a child is a poor sleeper it doesn't mean the best thing to do is to go out for long walks in the middle of the night.

Original poster
Bigdad74 · 27/12/2018 14:32

She has actually told my wife with her own lips. She was quite open about it when my wife asked her. I think she genuinely does not think her behaviour is strange.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 27/12/2018 14:33

Mind you I'm surprised you haven't sent Mumsnet into meltdown, considering the flapping and pearl clutching over OP's who have said they want to leave their child home alone for 5 mins, to nip to the shops a few doors away.

Mention a different culture and the flapping is often almost non existent.

Strange but true.

WorraLiberty · 27/12/2018 14:34

If a child is a poor sleeper it doesn't mean the best thing to do is to go out for long walks in the middle of the night.

Again, the child doesn't have to be considered a 'poor sleeper' to be up at that time of night, in other cultures because they don't have bedtimes.

abacucat · 27/12/2018 14:34

Too little info to judge.
But many cultures do believe that exposing children to being outside when it is very cold, is good for their immune system. Maybe she is doing that at night as it is not cold enough during the day?

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/12/2018 14:35

I assume she is struggling to get the the 4 yo to sleep for some reason. If he’s unhappy about the walks, I think you would know. 4 yos are very vocal usually. I think it is wrong to leave the 10 yo and imagine the police would take a very dim view. This is a child being left alone overnight and asleep rather different than during the day. The nspcc guidelines are 16 for overnight. I know it is a couple of hours max but that’s an awfully long time.

Witchend · 27/12/2018 14:36

When ds had an general anaesthetic I asked him what he'd like to do for a treat the night before as he could eat up to 1am. He decided that he'd like to go for a scoot on his scooter and then have hot chocolate.

He was 5yo when that happened, he still refers to it as great fun now he's 11yo and would choose to do it again if he had another GA.

MaeveDidIt · 27/12/2018 14:36

I agree with you OP it IS very strange behaviour - she could be slightly unhinged.

A 4 year old (all children) need a lot of sleep and this is terrible behaviour in my opinion.
Once a night would be bad enough but up to three times beggars belief!

Deathraystare · 27/12/2018 14:36

Interesting about trying to build up his immune system.. I remember my Ukranian friend (born in Britain) telling me her and her sister being heavily wrapped up with scarves and hats by their mum whilst the English kids were in shirt tails. They still got colds!

Bloominglovely · 27/12/2018 14:36

I think it is strange behaviour too OP. I doubt there is anything you can do about it. Many of our neighbours are EE and I find many of their parenting choices strange and they are quite critical of ours in general - strong opinions about our poor schools, religion, unhealthy way of eating foods that aren't made from scratch, substandard heating systems, bad building techniques, bad clothing, inability of people to grow their own vegetables and fruit, bad weather, lack of snow, numerous beaches which are useless due to our bad weather - to mention just a few.

The child is probably used to being woken at night and taken out for a walk. Presumably once the child starts school, this will stop.

BookMeOnTheSudExpress · 27/12/2018 14:37

You and your wife must have a lot of time on your hands to even know any of this. Do you have a notebook and binoculars?
Eccentric- yes, maybe. Just like the bloke who knows more about his neighbours comings and goings than she probably does.
Someone should tip her the wink that there's a bloke in the cul-de-sac snooping her every move if we're talking safeguarding. (Which as deputy safeguard lead in my school I can tell you we aren't)

NewLevelsOfTiredness · 27/12/2018 14:38

Don't little kids have 'sleep cycles' of 3 or 4 hours like everyone else? I think we get through a couple every night.

So if the kids wakes up naturally at say... 1am, they have a walk, then he settles (perhaps easier due to the walk?) and completes another cycle or two, it's not really taking value from his sleep as such.

I am absolutely not a doctor, just something I've read.

Original poster
Bigdad74 · 27/12/2018 14:38

The kid seems a happy little chap. I think we live in a pretty conventional society here in the UK. Their seems to be a general opinion forming based on the cultural thing. But then as a British dad would that therefore be different if I dragged my son out of bed at 2 in the morning to go to the park. It is a strange one and that is why I have posted for the first time. Trying to get my head around it.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 27/12/2018 14:38

My view is that taking a 4 year old kid out walking the dog for miles in the middle of the night is cruel.

Why? What specifically is cruel about walking?

Bloominglovely · 27/12/2018 14:40

Taking a child for a walk is not cruel.

Breaking a child's sleep numerous times unless necessary for medical reasons is cruel imo.

WorraLiberty · 27/12/2018 14:41

Why do you keep using the word DRAGGING OP?

It's making you look very silly when you've said more than once the child seems happy enough to go out for walks.

abacucat · 27/12/2018 14:41

deathray There are actually studies that show exposure to being hot and then very cold, like sauna to plunge pool, or hot shower to cold shower, do result in a reduction of mild viral illnesses.

But she says herself it is to build up his immune system. So I suspect this is to do with the belief that exposure to cold weather does that, and she is doing it at night as it has been fairly mild during the day.

I don't think she is doing anything wrong. Different yes, but that is all.

Spikeyball · 27/12/2018 14:41

My son wakes for 3 hours in the middle of most nights and has done for years. Even medication can't change that.

abacucat · 27/12/2018 14:43

BigDad It would depend on whether you were doing it to benefit your child. Child can't sleep so you take him to the park at 2am, fine. You want to do secret drinking in the park away from your partner so drag your son out at 2am on pretext it is for his benefit, not fine.

Different if the child was older. But presumably he has not started school so can easily be getting enough sleep at other times of the day. Different when he starts school.