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AIBU?

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Original poster

to think somethingis going on?

108 replies

Member869894 · 27/12/2018 08:54

I was in bed this morning with DP chatting. I asked to use his phone to call the gp to make an appointment. As i was calling the gp in comes a text saying 'morning x'. From Patricia. A workmate apparently .

He says its a reply to a round robin he sent to all his workmates earlier this week. He's become extraordinarily defensive and won't let me see hs phone, saying if we don't have trust we have nothing .

What do you all think??

OP posts:
golddustwomen · 27/12/2018 08:56

Something is going on

CottonTailRabbit · 27/12/2018 08:56

Oh dear. I would be deeply suspicious.

golddustwomen · 27/12/2018 08:56

If it's innocent he will let you look? Sorry Thanks

Elllicam · 27/12/2018 08:56

Yup something is up if he won’t let you see his phone.

Huntawaymama · 27/12/2018 08:56

Sorry but in that situation if there's nothing to it he should show you so.

JustABetterPlayer · 27/12/2018 08:57

If he won’t let you see the phone, there is something to hide.

DannyWallace · 27/12/2018 08:57

While I agree if you don't have trust you have nothing, I think he's wrong not to let you look.

You're not just asking to see his phone for the sake of it.

You've seen something that you find suspicious. If there was nothing to hide he should show you the messages.

Returnofthesmileybar · 27/12/2018 08:57

"if you don't have trust we don't have anything" the bullshit line trotted out by cheaters everywhere

katykins85 · 27/12/2018 08:58

Who replies to a work round robin with "Morning x".

Play it cool, don't react or he will cover tracks IF there are any. Play the long game and investigate before you confront him.

Flowerpot2005 · 27/12/2018 08:58

You only text 'morning x' to someone you're in regular contact with. Sorry op .

TheQueef · 27/12/2018 08:58

Red bunting.
Does he normally hide his screen?

katykins85 · 27/12/2018 08:59

Oh bugger missed where you said you asked to see the phone and he refused. I guarantee he will have got rid of anything now.

DooBDoo · 27/12/2018 09:03

Sorry OP. This happened to me. It was the first sign to me that my ex partner was having an affair, when he got defensive over his phone.

Mine had run out of battery & I needed to make a call. He wouldn't let me use his phone. But I insisted, he handed it over and a text came up as I ended my call. I didn't say anything but felt my heart drop and opened the message - and saw some others. "Miss you, sexy" etc

He still denied it, said it was a friend, then it was a good friend and she was gay so nothing 'could' be going on, said he didn't tell me about his new BFF because he thought I'd be jealous.

Long story short, he'd been seeing her for 6 months.

They're together now.

I'm VERY happily married to a great guy!

Listen to your gut.

Original poster
Member869894 · 27/12/2018 09:03

I wish I'd said nothing and waited now. Stout denials still going on Sad

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 27/12/2018 09:05

Personally I’d go all bright and breezy: DP, I’m sorry for not trusting you earlier - I was just silly and paranoid. Let’s pit it behind us.

Don’t mention it for a few days but get hold of his phone when you can. He’ll delete now and be careful but it’ll lapse again soon and you’ll know either way.

It sounds like a massive red flag to me too - that’s not a reply to a round robin text.

Beerincomechampagnetastes · 27/12/2018 09:06

Flowers sorry op

AliTheMinx · 27/12/2018 09:08

So sorry, OP. It doesn't sound good - especially by his over-defensive reaction! Xxx

NotAlwaysAPushover · 27/12/2018 09:09

Perfectly reasonable request by you in the circumstances.
Show him this thread and say that in the circumstances a little reassurance would not be unreasonable. It's an easy thing to do for him IF IT'S INNOCENT.
I'd issue an ultimatum I think. Show you, or leave (if that's an option).
It's clearly a distressing situation - what decent man wouldn't want to reassure you (unless you're constantly jealous and falsely accusing him daily)

KC225 · 27/12/2018 09:11

If nothing is going on then what has he to loose. The 'trust' issue is a deflection.

Show him this thread.

Original poster
Member869894 · 27/12/2018 09:14

no I'm not in the least bit jealous and never have been of him. I've just shown him this thread and he says I'm choosing to believe a bunch of strangers over him..

I want to believe him because he's never been anything but loving and considerate in the year we've been together.

I've just asked him to leave . He's been down for the last few days for Christmas and he's upstairs packing I think.

Hey ho Sad

OP posts:
Beerincomechampagnetastes · 27/12/2018 09:18

So he’ll pack rather than show you his phone?

empa · 27/12/2018 09:18

Strangers have no reason to lie. Surely that's the point.

Beerincomechampagnetastes · 27/12/2018 09:19

A man rarely leaves without having somewhere to go... he seems prepared.

I’m sorry 😐

TeddybearBaby · 27/12/2018 09:20

You poor thing. If he wants to go then let him. Bye 👋🏼. You must be in shock, this is all happening fast. I hope everything goes ok at the gp x

whiteworld · 27/12/2018 09:20

Do you trust him? Clearly not. Has anything else made you suspicious?

Can’t believe he’s packing instead of just showing you his phone...