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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think somethingis going on?

108 replies

Member869894 · 27/12/2018 08:54

I was in bed this morning with DP chatting. I asked to use his phone to call the gp to make an appointment. As i was calling the gp in comes a text saying 'morning x'. From Patricia. A workmate apparently .

He says its a reply to a round robin he sent to all his workmates earlier this week. He's become extraordinarily defensive and won't let me see hs phone, saying if we don't have trust we have nothing .

What do you all think??

OP posts:
0ccamsRazor · 27/12/2018 13:42

I am so sorry op, i hope that you mend and have a bright future.

Flowers
Fairenuff · 27/12/2018 15:25

He's lying to you. He knows it, you know it and he knows you know. That's why he's packing his bags. Let him go OP. He's not worth the heartache.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 27/12/2018 15:29

I had the same op . The text said ‘hope you’re ok x’

He’d been having an affair with her for 6 months

posthistoricmonsters · 27/12/2018 15:30

I think the OP has gone.

OP, I'm really sorry. He wasn't 'the one's. This doesn't come up as in you, all of it is on him.

As suggested above, I'd get an STI check, and don't let him crawl back because his type (whatever the gender) rarely change.

I hope you can get through this. There is a decent person out there for you.

TeddybearBaby · 27/12/2018 19:05

Any update op? 💐

Original poster
Member869894 · 27/12/2018 20:10

I'm still here.. he was never living with me so Ive not got practicalities like tht to worry about. I was so deathly calm that my three teenage dcs have no idea what has happened.

He has always been so kind and straight and loving. I would have waged my life on his not cheating on me.

we've exchanged a few texts. I've asked why he wouldn't let me see the phone and he says that his word should be enough; that he would never dream of going through my phone even if I offered to show him..

If I'm absolutely honest I don't think he has been having a physical affair, proabably some sort of flirtation but his defensiveness and refusal to show me what was there speaks volumes

Aahhh he's just texted to day he has deleted stuff that 'might be misconstrued' as he didn't 'want me upset'

FFS. Angry
Thank you for your kind replies. it helps x

OP posts:
Santaisonthesherry · 27/12/2018 20:43

Have you dumped him op?

TeddybearBaby · 27/12/2018 20:46

You sound amazing and like a great mum x

DragginBallsEEEE · 27/12/2018 20:52

Aaaaaaand he's deleted all the evidence.

Doghorsechicken · 27/12/2018 20:58

This is typical cheater talk. Please don’t make the same mistakes as me! Get rid! Sorry OP

WindyNeighbour · 27/12/2018 21:44

So he's admitted he's deleted the evidence. This is what cheats and liars do, half truths and gaslighting.

MojoMoon · 27/12/2018 22:01

You sound pretty savvy.

Maybe you can play cheaters bingo for all the clichés he ends up saying while try to defend himself?

Hope you have some real life support too.

EchoCardioGran · 27/12/2018 22:40

I'm really sorry you have had this crap to deal with over Christmas.
And he has deleted stuff. "Misconstrued" hey?
Well that speaks for itself.
I hope that you get through this and don't waste any more of your precious self on him. All the best to you.

Whataboutbobbo · 27/12/2018 22:50

Good riddance. Absolute twat. Well done you for staying strong.

magoria · 27/12/2018 22:52

Wow can't believe he was stupid enough to tell you he deleted stuff.

Not the sharpest knife is he!

Can I suggest you have an STI test, you may not think he has cheated but better safe than sorry.

BeanTownNancy · 27/12/2018 23:17

"Didn't want you upset"... So left you in the dark imagining the worst? Flawless logic there. Hmm

ciderhouserules · 28/12/2018 07:23

You might 'misconstrue' stuff?

'I didn't do anything - you should trust me'
'it was only flirting'
'it was just a kiss'
'it was just touching/kissing - nothing else happened....'

Etc etc etc.

Yeah, right.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 28/12/2018 07:55

I’m sorry op he’s a twat. The only way he could have fixed this was for him to be completely transparent and show you EVERYTHING, but he’s chosen to hide behind the ‘you don’t trust me’ and ‘I’ve deleted it all’ card

Gina2012 · 28/12/2018 07:59

Dear god

The stupidity of some men

I'm so very sorry that you had to go through this @Member869894

Ringdonna · 28/12/2018 08:00

Hmmm sounds very dodgy to me.

HarrySnotter · 28/12/2018 08:09

He's been up to something. So sorry OP. Flowers

whassupmissus · 28/12/2018 09:16

Good for you for chucking him out he is definitely up to something

ohlittletown0f · 28/12/2018 10:11

I would never show anyone my phone if they demanded that I prove my innocence. If a man asked to see it I would know that he was controlling and would leave.

I once was involved with a man who questioned me about my friends and why I wore a certain dress if it was just a colleague I was seeing --etc etc.

You are right to ask him to leave if you no longer feel that this is right for you. No-one has to stay in a relationship and no-one needs to justify why they want to end it. He is not necesarily a bastard though and FWIW I would do exactly as he has just done if someone questioned me.

Doghorsechicken · 28/12/2018 10:15

That’s not being controlling, it’s asking to see the evidence that he was cheating! It’s obviously not a regular occurrence that she checks his phone. Don’t be so bloody ridiculous!

Original poster
Member869894 · 28/12/2018 12:20

chittletown0f I wouldn't normally dream of it. But this is not normal. I am just seeking honesty as to me - and him - it had been discussed and I thought it was the base on which our relationship was founded.

I am not, nor ever have been, controlling, fwiw.

I don't need to justify myself to him . Or you.

OP posts:
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