to think somethingis going on?

[Member869894]

I was in bed this morning with DP chatting. I asked to use his phone to call the gp to make an appointment. As i was calling the gp in comes a text saying 'morning x'. From Patricia. A workmate apparently .

He says its a reply to a round robin he sent to all his workmates earlier this week. He's become extraordinarily defensive and won't let me see hs phone, saying if we don't have trust we have nothing .

What do you all think??

Doesn't matter whether it is regular or not.

If a partner ever asked me to explain who a text was from and did not believe me when I told him. Or if he ever asked me to prove it - for whatever reason - I would leave.

Can you imagine the cries of "RedFlag" if a man did that to a woman?

Of course there can always be grounds to ask for proof - if you want to find them:

He was late home, he deleted his FB account, he wore a new shirt to work, he has joined a gym. Or she, (and I experienced this), wore a low top, ("Why wouldn't you change into a high neck for work - you must be trying to look sexy for someone"); Or went out for a few drinks after work with colleagues ("Who else was there?)

Either you trust them or you don't. Either they are cheating or they are not. OP has done the right thing - her instinct says this is wrong so she ended the relationship. So would I if I felt that

What is not right is expecting someone to have to prove their innocence because that never ends.

Sorry OP but in my extensive experience (3 exes that cheated) I would say with 95% of confidence that Patricia is not just a colleague

And I am not asking you to justify anything - it doesn't matter what you do. I am simply making a general point.

We all start or end relationships as and when we choose. My comment is that asking people to proove innocence generally does not end well. If you found no evidence you would still not be convinced and the next time something was "off" the fears would resurface. The person becomes defensive as they sense the lack of trust and begin to hide things because "it will be misconstrued" - and the cirlce continues.

As I said if you want to end a relationship do so. No need to justify it to anyone.

I don’t understand the people defending the partner and saying he doesn’t have to justify himself 🤔. Say a naughty pic was sent with the caption ‘wish you were here’ or ‘had a great time last night’ are you not allowed to question it? You just have to finish the relationship there and then? Say you’re married and have 3 kids, a house a mortgage?

Seems to me like you’re comparing an odd message and seeking evieence of it being a one off to emotional abuse. There’s middle ground.

*evidence

Signing off texts with a kiss...,Patricia is more than a friend. He’s an idiot. Hope you are okay.

ohlittletown0f you have obviously never been cheated on then and seen a message of that type pop up. You are being utterly ridiculous! If he was innocent he’d want to prove it so as not to cause grief and uncertainty. He wouldn’t hide it and make a mountain out of a molehill. He’s guilty. He’s made that obvious by his reaction.

Ohlittletown

You’re entirely wrong. Of course asking to see someone’s phone apropos of nothing is not acceptable.

OP saw a message which seemed suspicious. He couldn’t give a reasonable explanation. She asked to see his phone to put her mind at rest.

That’s an entirely reasonable request. He’s of course at liberty to refuse, but has to deal with the consequences.

If the message she saw was ‘thank you for the hand cream - I know the team really appreciated the gifts you got us. Hope you’re having a lovely Christmas x’ then no one is suspicious.

‘Morning x’ is the text of familiar people who text each other a lot, not ‘just colleagues’

I text lots of male friends and there are kisses at the end. Nothing in any message could be misconstrued.