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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think somethingis going on?

108 replies

Member869894 · 27/12/2018 08:54

I was in bed this morning with DP chatting. I asked to use his phone to call the gp to make an appointment. As i was calling the gp in comes a text saying 'morning x'. From Patricia. A workmate apparently .

He says its a reply to a round robin he sent to all his workmates earlier this week. He's become extraordinarily defensive and won't let me see hs phone, saying if we don't have trust we have nothing .

What do you all think??

OP posts:
KC225 · 27/12/2018 10:05

Where is he planning to go?

Can't believe he is giving up so easily?

CitrusFruit9 · 27/12/2018 10:09

I think hie behaviour tells you everything you need to know. I also found out that my H of 20+ years had been cheating because he received a text while he was with me. I didn't even see the text but I just knew from his manner (and his attempt to read the text under the table LOL). A later snoop confirmed it.

AWishForWingsThatWork · 27/12/2018 10:27

I wouldn't be surprised if he's upstairs clearing out his phone, so he can then come back down and say you're both being silly and you can look if you want to.

Or he's chosen packing over just putting your mind at ease over something that would make most people wonder at getting a message like that from a supposed colleague ... which also tells you what you need to know.

Either way, he's not acting like an open and honest person who loves you and would want to immediately put your mind at ease would.

Sorry, OP.

StillMe1 · 27/12/2018 10:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

itsallgravybaby · 27/12/2018 10:31

@StillMe1 I think this is the wrong thread?

Thewifipasswordis · 27/12/2018 10:35

Patricia is the back-up plan. Sorry OP x

Billben · 27/12/2018 10:39

if we don't have trust we have nothing .

This old bullshit usually comes from the mouths of people who have something to hide.

Leonard1 · 27/12/2018 10:41

You need to see the string of texts from Patricia.

Wordthe · 27/12/2018 10:45

Are you Choosing to believe a bunch of strangers over him or are you heeding the warnings from the collective wisdom of people who have been in your shoes and who recognise all the signs

CleekSle · 27/12/2018 10:51

Patricia gets a gaslighting cheat, you get rid of an emotionally abusive man who would give you a STI, you win.

Wordthe · 27/12/2018 10:53

He can spin it and we can spin it right back

Lauren38 · 27/12/2018 10:55

This peaked very quickly! 20 minutes?

Doghorsechicken · 27/12/2018 11:06

I’ve been here OP and I was desperate to make it work because I loved him. He spouted the same crap too! After 4 years of being a pushover it eventually ended in me finding him in bed with someone. Write this year off, you’re well rid of him!

HughLauriesStubble · 27/12/2018 11:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MountPheasant · 27/12/2018 11:14

So sorry OP Sad that’s not good at all.

If something like this really was innocent you’d want to set your partners mind at rest, let them see the full conversation. ‘If we don’t have trust we have nothing’ is, as PP have said, a bullshit line used by cheaters.

I can understand him being defensive if it came out of nowhere, but given you have reason to be suspicious and he’s done nothing to alleviate that I would say all signs point to cheater.

What a sorry excuse for a man! You’re well shot.

EchoCardioGran · 27/12/2018 11:17

Stranger here Flowers Not a good look if he is packing rather than showing you his phone.
I think Patricia has probably done you a favour longer term. I'm so sorry this has happened to you but you deserve someone who is not a weasel and he sounds a weasel.

Ilikeknitting · 27/12/2018 11:18

You’re correct, something is going on, to make it worse, your dp is trying to turn this around and make out it’s you with the problem because you don’t trust him. That’s known as gaslighting and is the action of an arsehole.

Having been in almost the exact same situation (I found an email from my first husband to his mistress, no doubts at all to their relationship but I was made to feel the ‘bad un’ for looking) I’d say his ultimatum is, show the phone or leave.

He’s right, once the trust is gone, the relationship is over, so either way you have nothing to lose, you just need to know if you’re right or wrong.

Trust your gut instinct. Big hugs Wine

starryeyed19 · 27/12/2018 11:22

I'm really sorry, OP. I don't have any advice to offer but there are people here who are ready to listen x

BaeBae · 27/12/2018 11:33

Poor you. Be brave, you’ll meet someone lovely soon x

AloneLonelyLoner · 27/12/2018 11:39

I was in a similar situation except it was my phone. My male friend sent me a text with xx at the end. It was a friend my husband didn’t know. He was mortified when it popped up. So was I. I immediately gave him my phone to look through our text history. No deleting necessary. My pal is just a ‘kisses . Call everyone love’ kinda guy. Your husband’s reaction speaks volumes. I’m so sorry.

ReggieKrayDoYouKnowMyName · 27/12/2018 11:40

The text could be nothing, but the defensiveness is a red flag.

LilMy33 · 27/12/2018 11:43

He's become extraordinarily defensive and won't let me see hs phone, saying if we don't have trust we have nothing

My ex said almost exactly the same thing. Every time he had been unfaithful.

WorraLiberty · 27/12/2018 11:43

A man rarely leaves without having somewhere to go...he seems prepared.

He'll be going to his own home presumably?

LilMy33 · 27/12/2018 11:44

Btw the text isn’t the issue. It’s his attitude.

Santaisonthesherry · 27/12/2018 11:47

Patricia the stripper.
You are well rid op.
And have an sti check up for peace of mind.

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