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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think if my DM wants us at hers for Christmas so badly, she ought to be a bit more prepared?

122 replies

AngeloMysterioso · 25/12/2018 11:56

DH and I are spending Christmas at my DMs. It’s just the three of us. From the beginning it’s been a nightmare.

Yesterday she didn’t have any Christmas food in and said she couldn’t go shopping on her own as it would be too busy (it hadn’t occurred to her to get it in earlier, or order it online) so before we left DH and I had to go to the shops near us for literally everything- Yorkshire puddings, potatoes, cheese, vegetables, even the bloody milk. The only thing she had was a turkey.

DH and I don’t drive so the plan was for her to come and get us (about a 40 minute car journey). Yesterday she decided the traffic would be too bad (even though all the roads on the route were clear) and the trains are on a reduced service so DH and I, with our bags, gifts and all that food, had to get a local bus, a tube, a rail replacement bus, a train and then another bus. Took nearly 2 hours.

When we got here the spare room (that used to be my room) was full of junk. She hadn’t wrapped a single gift so I had to wrap her presents for DH as well as my Aunt, Uncle and cousins’ gifts as we’re going to theirs tomorrow. The only one she told me not to wrap was my own.

The sofa bed wasn’t ready so at quarter to 11 last night (after I was done wrapping her presents and tidying the spare bedroom) I had to set the bed up, put the duvet cover and pillowcases on etc.

It’s now 11:55 on Christmas Day, my DM has been awake 45 minutes... and now she’s wrapping my present as she forgot to do it last night.

I mean, really??

OP posts:
Rainatnight · 25/12/2018 11:58

Wow, sympathies.

primoestate · 25/12/2018 11:58

It sounds joyous

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 25/12/2018 11:59

Yeah, sounds rubbish. Can understand why you’re frustrated. Could you host next year?

worriedaf · 25/12/2018 12:00

Well l am amazed that you still went after she refused to pick you up after you had done all her shopping.

Travisandthemonkey · 25/12/2018 12:00

Oh dear. How much of is she
It’s only 48 hours!!! Remember that.

Travisandthemonkey · 25/12/2018 12:00

Sorry how OLD. Is she

SimplyPut · 25/12/2018 12:02

Next year remember how miserable it was and stay home! X

ElfOnTheShelfAteMyJoy · 25/12/2018 12:02

So what actual form of hosting is she offering?! Sound awful!!

Grandadwasthatyou · 25/12/2018 12:05

Sounds awful and very very unwelcoming. I would be so cheesed off.

finova · 25/12/2018 12:06

Is her age catching up with her?

Aquamarine1029 · 25/12/2018 12:09

I would be seriously fucked off. Why did she even bother having you over?? You could have had a lovely day in your own home, FGS.

bastardkitty · 25/12/2018 12:11

If she's 105 YABU. If not, have a lovely Christmas at home next year.

FinallyHere · 25/12/2018 12:13

So sorry to read this.

Has she shown any other signs of not being able to cope or even dementia creeping up. All the best

LannieDuck · 25/12/2018 12:15

I wouldn't have gone when she changed her mind about collecting you. And I certainly wouldn't have done her wrapping for her; if she was embarrassed at not having wrapped anything the next day, that's on her.

RandomMess · 25/12/2018 12:17

Has she suddenly aged or is this typical of her???

Invite her to your next year!!

Number12 · 25/12/2018 12:19

Wow that's is bad!!! Why on earth did you not insist on her collecting you from supermarket? I would have bailed out at that point.

Believeitornot · 25/12/2018 12:20

What was she like when you were a child??

If you knew she’d be this crap, then perhaps you could have prepared more.

pointythings · 25/12/2018 12:23

Well, there's a number of possible explanations:

  1. She genuinely can't cope, whether because of dementia, depression, whatever, and needs help
  2. She's a manipulative cow and planned all this so that you and your DP had to do all the scut work of Christmas
  3. She doesn't give a stuff about you or about Christmas.

All 3 explanations should have consequences of some kind.

CardsforKittens · 25/12/2018 12:23

Is she depressed or anxious or unwell in some way? It sounds really frustrating but also quite unusual.

I know some people are physically fitter than others, but this level of unpreparedness sounds more like mental illness to me. OTOH I can't armchair-diagnose a stranger's family member on the internet. Still, if I were you I'd want to know if there's something wrong.

CrazyOldBagLady · 25/12/2018 12:23

Wow I feel like I've been fairly disorganised this year but your DM sounds like she's going for gold. Is there anything going on in her life that's caused this? Is she usually so bad?

TeaForTiger · 25/12/2018 12:23

She doesn't sound very well. I'd probably be more concerned than pissed off (assuming this is out of character), hope your day gets better OP.

jessstan2 · 25/12/2018 12:25

I really sympathise with you but think maybe your mother is past 'doing' Christmas. It happens. Next year, you host at yours.

Have a good time anyway. I hope so :-).

MortyVicar · 25/12/2018 12:39

If she insisted that you went to hers for Christmas (your title says wants us at hers for Christmas so badly) then she's taking the piss.

Remember this and say no next year.

Nanna50 · 25/12/2018 12:44

I think at the point where she had no food in I would have been suggesting we didn’t bother but definitely would have changed plans when I had to get the bus. Is there a reason you felt you needed to go? You may laugh about it one day Gin

bringbacksideburns · 25/12/2018 12:46

I hope to god she's not expecting you to cook too??

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