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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dp hasn't bought me anything.

110 replies

Mummymumm · 25/12/2018 08:14

I feel like I'm being spoilt maybe. Dp couldn't be bothered to get me a present (his words)

He earns a lot more than me so he pays more bills and things, so I feel like I can't be sad that he didn't get me anything but at the same time I can't help but feel annoyed and a little underappreciated.

I'm on SMP and had to buy dd her stuff and even a little for him.

Aibu to feel a little sad. 😥

OP posts:
MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 25/12/2018 08:17

He’s a wanker and I would be re:thinking my options in the New Year. So sorry he has treated you like this.

SinglePringle · 25/12/2018 08:17

No. That’s shitty. I’m going to a distant relatives today and I’ve bothered to buy and wrap token gifts for people I don’t know.

I’m sorry, he’s been an arse and you’re perfectly allowed to feel Sad

I hope this is a colossal example of one off thoughtlessness.

Merry Christmas to you.

igot99problems · 25/12/2018 08:18

No, I would be too. For me it isn't the expense it is the thought that they put into it. You should be in your husband's thoughts and he should want to surprise you. Unless there is a good reason I would expect there to be something, even if it is small. Definitely have the chat with him, but make it clear it is about the care behind giving a gift, rather than him throwing money at you...

Armchairanarchist · 25/12/2018 08:19

If he usually buys then yes I'd be pissed off. DH and I don't buy for each other at Christmas. We get what we want. I've waited for the sales because there's a particular Coach bag I'll buy. DH does buy for me on Mother's day, Birthdays and Valentine's.

AutumnCrow · 25/12/2018 08:20

Saying he couldn't be bothered is designed to be a barb. He's not very nice, is he?

Mumof1DS · 25/12/2018 08:20

That's hurtful. It would be one thing if you had both agreed not to gift, but that he "couldn't be bothered" is a kicker Flowers to you. I'd be questioning his appreciation for you.

DH did it for my 30th and our first anniversary (both within days of each other). Still hurts when I think about it. It's not the lack of a gift, I'm not materialistic in the slightest, it's the lack of effort to even put something heartfelt in a card.

Tell him how hurt you are.

LunaTheCat · 25/12/2018 08:20

So sorry. It is the lack of thoughtfulness that hurts. Presents are just things but they are a symbol of something. It’s fine if you agree together not to exchange gifts but thoughtless otherwise.
If this a once only and he is otherwise thoughtful and kind then I would put my big girl pants on and tell him you are hurt. If he is typically thoughtless and “can’t be bothered” then I would re-think relationship. Take care.

HopeIsNotAStrategy · 25/12/2018 08:20

I’m sorry OP, he’s behaving very badly. Try and see the positive side and treat this as a wake up call.

Oh and I do hope you’re not cooking him a nice lunch. I expect you can’t be bothered. 💐

Canibuildasnowman · 25/12/2018 08:21

Yanbu, presents don’t have to cost much. Why are you with this man? Couldn’t be bothered to get you anything? That’s absolutely thoughtless.

Wooooooooaaaaaaaahhhhhhh · 25/12/2018 08:21

Earning more than you is irrelevant. He is thoughtless and unappreciative. Couldn’t be bothered. I would decide you can’t be bothered to give him his presents.

Singlenotsingle · 25/12/2018 08:22

Maybe you've got everything already and he just can't think what to buy? Give him a list next time.

k1233 · 25/12/2018 08:23

Relationships are about more than who earns the most money. I'd be upset if I were in your place. Gifts (to me anyway) are about showing your appreciation for someone. I love finding the perfect present. That doesn't have to be expensive, just thoughtful.

DuggeeHugs · 25/12/2018 08:24

He couldn't be bothered to get you anything and (am I reading this right?) expected you to buy all the gifts for DD?

YANBU to be sad. I'm sorry he's being so horrid. Time for a new year that puts you and DD first.

Merry Christmas to you and DD Flowers

Shoxfordian · 25/12/2018 08:25

Ltb

Wooooooooaaaaaaaahhhhhhh · 25/12/2018 08:26

Maybe you've got everything already and he just can't think what to buy? Give him a list next time.

He could have asked.

Gina2012 · 25/12/2018 08:27

He couldn't be bothered? Jeez.

Autumnchill · 25/12/2018 08:27

The 'couldn't be bothered' is telling. I think 'I couldn't be bothered' investing anymore in the relationship.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 25/12/2018 08:28

So he didn’t buy anything for you or dd?

Is he always such a shit?

Sorry op. But this is awful behaviour. Made worse by his deliberate attempt to upset you by saying he couldn’t be bothered.

This would be a dealbreaker for me.

B1t2Indy · 25/12/2018 08:31

Could he be pulling your leg?

If not, then I'd say now is the time to start thinking about what you're getting out of a relationship with this man. You're extremely likely to be better off out of it

PBobs · 25/12/2018 08:38

Sounds rotten. Why did he not contribute to your child's present(s)?

Orlande · 25/12/2018 08:42

He couldn't be bothered to get you anything and you had to buy your (joint?) child's presents out of your smp?

Do you not have access to his/family money?

On the face of it this does not sound like a healthy relationship.

Obi73 · 25/12/2018 08:42

Is he always this selfish?

HugeAckmansWife · 25/12/2018 08:43

This is awful. Why weren't you both buying your DD presents? The fact that you think maybe you are acting spoiled by thinking maybe your husband could have got you a gift makes me think you value yourself very little. Unless you and your H have agreed / never have done Xmas gifts as some have said then fine but otherwise this is appalling. As for him not knowing what to get, that's pathetic.. Even a trinket bit of jewellery, some decent chocolate, a nice winter scarf or something.. Anything to show her spent five minutes of effort on a gift. I hope you tell him how hurtful it is and have a lovely Xmas with your DD.

ElspethFlashman · 25/12/2018 08:44

You should have gotten him a plaque with "Shit Boyfriend 2018" on it.

I truly believe that not giving a birthday or Christmas present is a binnable offence. Its like they're holding up a banner with "I don't think you deserve much effort" on it.

Neverunderfed · 25/12/2018 08:46

That's shit. Even a poorly chosen present is better than nothing as nothing shows he feels no need to even pretend to have thought of you

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