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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dp hasn't bought me anything.

110 replies

Mummymumm · 25/12/2018 08:14

I feel like I'm being spoilt maybe. Dp couldn't be bothered to get me a present (his words)

He earns a lot more than me so he pays more bills and things, so I feel like I can't be sad that he didn't get me anything but at the same time I can't help but feel annoyed and a little underappreciated.

I'm on SMP and had to buy dd her stuff and even a little for him.

Aibu to feel a little sad. 😥

OP posts:
Ladytinselmuff · 25/12/2018 11:20

ThanksThanksThanksI'm sorry OP, this is rubbish have a non MN hug from me. And unless he's got any redeeming features spend tomorrow plotting how to LTB!! Xx

ImNotReallyAWaitress · 25/12/2018 11:22

My partner earns more than me and probably pays more of things than I do, but we still get each other gifts as we do presents.
Gifts for other people we discuss and I buy as he doesn’t have a lot of time for shopping due to long hours but they come from joint money.

If you normally buy each other something and he hasn’t then yeah that’s mean of him and crappy, maybe it’s a misguided attempt at hiding a surprise for later?

Wooooooooaaaaaaaahhhhhhh · 25/12/2018 11:28

You’re making excuses for him and minimising his actions. Make a big deal of it. But I get the impression you have to feel grateful for anything he does.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/12/2018 11:29

You gave him a child and he couldn’t be bothered to get you (and your dd??) a present. What an arse.

Are there any redeeming qualities?

youarenotkiddingme · 25/12/2018 11:35

It's not spoilt to be upset that someone who supposedly loves you enough to father your child "couldn't be bothered" to get you anything.

Maybe you can't be bothered to do his washing and ironing anymore?

agedknees · 25/12/2018 11:45

Yanbu. Just make sure you can’t be bothered to wash/iron his shirts, cook his food etc.

What a meanie he is.

madcatladyforever · 25/12/2018 11:48

LTB and find someone who appreciates you more. He is a c**t.

DishingOutDone · 25/12/2018 11:49

Are you married and is DD his child? Did he get her a gift or contribute?

BitOfANameChange · 25/12/2018 11:51

I get that for some people the "language of love" isn't present buying, but other things (acts of kindness has been mentioned).

But in this case the DP is an arse, a selfish one. It's obvious in the language used by the OP. He "couldn't be bothered", clearly he doesn't care about OP. She's using SMP to buy things, there doesn't seem to be any faiirness in money allocations/splits, and she's using minimising language about this jerk.

OP, It won't get any better, he won't suddenly realise he's been crap to you. I had one like that, and either I'd get no gifts at all or a hurriedly bought crap item (eg generic spa voucher, etc) that I was expected to be suitably grateful for while I was expected to source and buy something he wanted.

And there was no making it up in other ways, he was still selfish at other times. It wasn't like some people here, who have agreements about not buying, etc. As of last year, he's an ex, I wish it had been 10 years ago.

Lweji · 25/12/2018 11:53

If a partner told me he couldn't be bothered to give me a present for Christmas or a birthday, I'd tell him I couldn't be bothered to be with him.

It's the thought that counts. Very much so.

redexpat · 25/12/2018 11:56

Has he given you presents for Christmas before? If you genuinely think hes complacent then you need to tell him how hurt you are.

MaxTeyon · 25/12/2018 12:03

He’d do well to subscribe to the “happy wife, happy life” mantra. A bit silly but I know if my wife is happy and content then life is good, making sure you behave lovingly to someone you love isn’t a big ask really is it?

dontgobaconmyheart · 25/12/2018 12:05

Merry Christmas OP Flowers. Sorry your DP has been a dick. It's not nice to think about and is very hard to face up to I'm sure but you've got to remember; there is NO way he doesn't know presents are the norm/a nice thing to do/that foregoing one to your partner and then being horribly rude as to why, is not hurtful dickish behaviour. He does know, he's just literally told you that he's not bothered, and couldn't be bothered.
Any of the number of times he's driven by any old shop or used his phone or computer he could be taken a minute to even get any old gift, and has literally told you he didn't want to bother for you. I am sorry OP but he chose to do it, only he is responsible for his choices, that is what deliberate is. He didn't forget, after all, just chose nor to bother. You're worth an awful lot more than that.

Do you gift buy for his family on his behalf? I wonder if you neglected one of them and said you cba, would he be fine with it.

Why does he not contribute to gifts for your DC, is there more to this?

bastardkitty · 25/12/2018 12:08

I hope you find a really lovely partner next time. And yes I do mean it.

delboysskinandblister · 25/12/2018 12:11

time you found someone who can be bothered Flowers Cake Wine

Merry Christmas OP. In the meantime, you have us on here.

mogtheexcellent · 25/12/2018 12:11

Make a big fucking deal of it then.

He's a twat. If no improvement get rid. Your the mother of his children ffs. Even my sisters ex husband buys her a present to be civil for the kids.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 25/12/2018 12:12

Nice.

What did he do for your last birthday?

Believeitornot · 25/12/2018 12:15

So he got you nothing?

And he also got his own DD absolutely zero? You had to fund it yourself? (I’m guessing she’s a baby as you mention SMP).

Sorry, but he’s a mean arse of a man. It’s completely and utterly pathetic and mean of him.

I bet you if you stated that he couldn’t be bothered to his family and friends, he’d be ashamed and embarrassed.

Wooooooooaaaaaaaahhhhhhh · 25/12/2018 12:52

It must be so hard trying to remember that once a year event that is Christmas and that you have a partner.

Did he manage to buy for family or did you do that too?

CobaltRose96 · 25/12/2018 12:56

If you'd both agreed to not buy each other anything that's fair enough, but for him to simply 'not be bothered' to get you or DD anything is simply appalling. He sounds like a total arse. So sorry OP.

HermioneWeasley · 25/12/2018 13:03

Oh come on, it’s not a “languages of love” thing - it’s hardly a niche tradition to buy gifts for people you love at Christmas. He’s a selfish arse and needs kicking into touch.

Also, what’s with him having more money - you’re a family. You should have the same disposable spends each after bills, savings etc.

Adorelabradors · 25/12/2018 13:14

Why are you so bothered?

Your dd has gifts. That’s all that matters

MyNameIsNotSteven · 25/12/2018 13:25

*Why are you so bothered?

Your dd has gifts. That’s all that matters*

If OP hadn't bought them, her DD wouldn't have anything either.

How do your finances work OP? Don't get sucked into childcare being your financial responsibility. How much disposable income do you have compared to your DP and how are bills split?

He sounds like a prick.

LilMy33 · 25/12/2018 13:30

Sounds like a symptom of bigger problems (he couldn’t be bothered to get you anything, you got the baby’s things on your own) i would be thinking about my long term future after this.

notapizzaeater · 25/12/2018 13:31

Wow, was he embarrassed ? I'd have his balls on a stick !

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