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AIBU?

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Original poster

Dp hasn't bought me anything.

110 replies

Mummymumm · 25/12/2018 08:14

I feel like I'm being spoilt maybe. Dp couldn't be bothered to get me a present (his words)

He earns a lot more than me so he pays more bills and things, so I feel like I can't be sad that he didn't get me anything but at the same time I can't help but feel annoyed and a little underappreciated.

I'm on SMP and had to buy dd her stuff and even a little for him.

Aibu to feel a little sad. 😥

OP posts:
Cheerbear23 · 25/12/2018 08:49

‘Couldn’t be bothered’ is the key phrase here. It would only cost a few £ for s box of chocolates from a supermarket which would have been better than nothing. Sorry OP he doesn’t sound nice.

drspouse · 25/12/2018 08:54

Lots of red flags here, but the biggest one for me is that he thinks his DD is not his responsibility. Does he expect you to contribute to bills evenly? On SMP?

EdWinchester · 25/12/2018 08:58

That’s rotten. He clearly doesn’t care about you.

WhereYouLeftIt · 25/12/2018 09:02

"Dp couldn't be bothered to get me a present (his words)"
I'm sorry OP but when someone tells you who they are - believe them. And he is telling you that he is a selfish wanker.

"He earns a lot more than me so he pays more bills and things, so I feel like I can't be sad that he didn't get me anything but at the same time I can't help but feel annoyed and a little underappreciated."
Yes, you can be sad about being married to a selfish wanker. Everyone else would be! But the way you express yourself, you sound as if you have very little self-esteem, as if you don't think you are worth bothering about. I suspect this may be because you are married to a selfish wanker who has repeatedly demonstrated (and told you) that you are less important than he is. Actually, YOU ARE WORTH FAR MORE THAN HIM.

I really think you should be assessing whether this relationship is worth continuing, if this is how he behaves towards you. Get out while you still can.

And a small word of advice - should anyone, friend, family, stranger in the street, ask what your husband got you for Christmas - tell them 'Nothing, he said he couldn't be bothered' and watch their faces. That will tell you all you need to know. Do not cover up for him. Be open with your family and friends about this, that's how we find support.

PoshPenny · 25/12/2018 09:03

Unless it's a not funny "joke" and there's something lovely coming later on, then this is awful and I'd be considering my options in the new year. Thanks

Missingstreetlife · 25/12/2018 09:04

My dp did this last year. I cried and made a big fuss, I didn't want much, just a token, he had been told. I was angry and had a talk about it, and stopped doing quite a lot of wifework this year.
I've got quite a nice thoughtful present today. Don't let him get away with it.

PoshPenny · 25/12/2018 09:04

Also I don't think I "could be bothered" to spend the rest of the day with him...

CantWaitToRetire · 25/12/2018 09:04

OP, you’ve been bothered to grow and birth a new human being and are no doubt now bothering to be the main care giver. That makes you at least, if not more than equal to his bill paying, so don’t be feeling that you don’t deserve anything. Please don’t be bothered to do much for him over the rest of Christmas - no nice lunches, being designated driver or anything that would benefit him.

Wooooooooaaaaaaaahhhhhhh · 25/12/2018 09:06

I wouldn’t want to be so down someone’s priority list that they couldn’t even be bothered to get them a present. And that’s your partner. I get the impression you feel somehow grateful that he contributes more because he earns more. You’re parents, you’re supposed to be a team. But I’m guessing you are far from that.

Escolar · 25/12/2018 09:07

What do you think he means, OP? It's a nasty thing to say - was he deliberately trying to hurt your feelings? If so, why? Or is he trying to make some kind of point?

tomhazard · 25/12/2018 09:07

What a knob. It's not hard to pick up a couple of books or a perfume.
It's deliberate unkindness

MercedesDeMonteChristo · 25/12/2018 09:08

SOrry OP. That’s shitty. My (D)H spent the time the children were opening presents staring out of the window and playing in husband phone. He had no idea what ‘we’ had got them. I’ve been making plans for years but am still bloody here.

Hopefully it’s a one off.

Armadillostoes · 25/12/2018 09:10

OP please listen to people on here. You deserve so much more than this. You are caring for the child you had together, given that is the contribution you are making to what should be a team, don't undervalue yourself and feel that you should be grateful for whatever scraps he throws.

You shouldn't spend your life with someone who can't be bothered to care for you and make you feel loved and special. Nobody should.

gamerwidow · 25/12/2018 09:14

DH didn’t get me anything because he forgot it I did get a shamefaced apology last night and and promise to buy me twice as much after Christmas last night. I’m not actually bothered because we don’t do big presents anyway. He has paid for half of everyone else’s presents though, I’d be miffed if I had to buy DDs presents by myself.
It depends on what is normal for you.

gamerwidow · 25/12/2018 09:15

Ps him not buying presents for his daughter is really nasty imo

Original poster
Mummymumm · 25/12/2018 09:15

@escolar I'm not sure he's done it deliberately to be mean. I just think he's gotten complacent. Cause I don't make a big deal of thinks I guess he just takes it for granted.

OP posts:
Rudgie47 · 25/12/2018 09:15

If hes just a partner, then I'd be getting rid of him in the new year as hes telling you that he doesn't give a shit about you. even the men I know who don't like shopping and whop are clueless give their partners a hundred or 2 in a card.

motherlondon · 25/12/2018 09:20

My ex husband never got me birthday or Christmas presents, let alone anniversary, even when we were both earning a lot of money.
I'm not materialistic at all, and wouldn't have cared if it was just a thoughtful present. I used to put a lot of thought and planning into his presents, cards from me and the kids.
It's basically a way of them saying they don't value you and that you mean nothing to them which in my case was true.

FrankieChips · 25/12/2018 09:22

That’s terrible. We both decided not to buy each other anything this year but I have bought him a present anyway. We always discuss if we are going to buy presents first. Sorry OP. Maybe he’s joking and he has something for you later.

MaxTeyon · 25/12/2018 09:22

Who are these men who “forget” to get their OH a present or can’t be bothered? Of course if you’d agreed beforehand that’s cool but how do they function in life? The most basic of Xmas tasks is to make sure DW has some thoughtful gifts including from the DC. It’s not hard.

RandomMess · 25/12/2018 09:25

Seriously you only have SMP - so he doesn't ensure you have equal money to spend on non essentials, and he "couldn't be bothered" well erm that stinks...

jessstan2 · 25/12/2018 09:25

I'm sad for you, he could have bought you something if only a small gift. Or treated you to a meal out. Most people have that at least, even if hard up.

Never mind though, you have us and virtual Flowers and Wine.

Don't let it spoil your Christmas.

diddl · 25/12/2018 09:27

How can saying you can't be bothered not be being mean?

I mean there's a difference between not knowing what to get and not bothering to even ask.

We don't bother much anymore, but it's agreed between us.

Beechview · 25/12/2018 09:29

How awful. He’s telling you that you don’t mean anything to him. That you don’t even warrant a thought.

daisychain01 · 25/12/2018 09:33

Christmas is one day, there are 364 other days as well. So if the context of those other 364 days is a loving caring relationship then Christmas Day isn't necessarily a problem.

OP I doubt very much that someone who tells you he can't be bothered to get you anything for Christmas is going to be a Catch the rest of the Year. More like he's an arsehole all year round, but he's being a Special kind of arsehole now, just in case you have any doubt.

What are your thoughts about your long term future with someone willing to treat you so badly?

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