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AIBU?

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Original poster

Dp hasn't bought me anything.

110 replies

Mummymumm · 25/12/2018 08:14

I feel like I'm being spoilt maybe. Dp couldn't be bothered to get me a present (his words)

He earns a lot more than me so he pays more bills and things, so I feel like I can't be sad that he didn't get me anything but at the same time I can't help but feel annoyed and a little underappreciated.

I'm on SMP and had to buy dd her stuff and even a little for him.

Aibu to feel a little sad. 😥

OP posts:
Nothininmenoggin · 25/12/2018 09:34

This is beyond fecking awful. What a shit of a husband. Seriously fucked up and on Xmas day. Absolutely No excuses for this.

Confusednewname · 25/12/2018 09:35

Firstly, don't give him anything if you did. Take it back for a refund and treat you and DD with it. Secondly, if he doesn't use this as an opportunity to get your expectations low and properly surprise you, then tell him you "can't be bothered" with a manchild next year and find one who will treat you better for 2019. (And yes, you do deserve better, the tight shit he is!)

Dorabean · 25/12/2018 09:40

That's just mean. I don't understand people that 'can't be bothered'. My favourite part is the giving of gifts! I'm sorry he's such an arse OP

Banjax · 25/12/2018 09:43

My husband didn't either.

Well he did on the 23rd when I stuck a loads of stuff in my Amazon basket and I told him to check it out.
My children got a huge fuss of course.
It's deeply upsetting.
The lack of thought and care, not the lack of presents - he had time to sort out our kids.

noandnoagain · 25/12/2018 09:48

That is passive aggressive and there might be more going on than meets the eye. You might need to talk to him

tillytrotter1 · 25/12/2018 09:55

OH has given me two bottles of perfume, both of which I already have on the dressing table, unopened!! Be using it forever.

XmasPostmanBos · 25/12/2018 09:55

It's the thought that counts and in this case his thought was I can't be bothered.

vdbfamily · 25/12/2018 09:56

I think some of these responses are a bit OTT if generally you are happy with this man. My DH grew up in a family who just did not make much of Christmas or birthdays. If I want something I need to tell him clearly. He knows I am not that bothered and hate the idea of more tat for the sake of it so we make more of a fuss of the children. I know I do not have a present today because the one thing he did get me he had to return as not what he had expected(no idea what it was!) however, we had friends for German Christmas eve meal last night and I worked all day and came home to a delicious Christmas dinner which he had been working on much of the day, so I am not planning to LTB any time soon. His love language is acts of kindness and not gift giving and I accept that.

thefinn · 25/12/2018 09:56

Just read til the couldn't be bothered- that would be enough for me. disrespectful. You aren't spoilt to think this he is being an arse.

WhereYouLeftIt · 25/12/2018 10:01

"I'm not sure he's done it deliberately to be mean. I just think he's gotten complacent. Cause I don't make a big deal of thinks I guess he just takes it for granted."

No, no, no, no, Mummymumm, you are minimising here. I'm sorry, but you need to look this straight in the face. 'I couldn't be bothered' IS MEAN. Complacent would be getting you something for the household rather than for yourself. Or the same perfume he got you last year because you must like it, you never said you didn't. 'I couldn't be bothered' is deliberately hurtful.

It's time to start making a fuss. He'll probably bluster, but you need to KNOW. Stop minimising his awful behaviour and start calling it out.

Onescaredmuma · 25/12/2018 10:02

Not unreasonable that's awful we have very little money this year as my DH is an arse and ran up debts without telling me. He printed my dd1s tapestry journal from preschool and put it in a nice box I told him that's what I wanted but he still put the effort in and did it!

AuntyJackiesBrothersSistersBoy · 25/12/2018 10:05

There are many reasons for not “doing” gifts. We don’t do them because frankly, we don’t want anything. My autistic DS doesn’t, because he has never enjoyed receiving presents. We do a donation to CRISIS for the Christmas meal for the homeless and that’s it.

To just “not be bothered”? Not nice. I’d be upset about that. Here’s some Flowers for you, lovely.

toolazytothinkofausername · 25/12/2018 10:11

Dp couldn't be bothered to get me a present

That is fine. The problem was at the beginning of December he should have given you the cash from him to buy yourself a present.

I would not want to be with someone that thinks it is Okay to not give a Christmas present to his DP/mother of his child.
If I were you I would get a refund on his present and buy yourself something instead!

yesiamgoingtoeatthat · 25/12/2018 10:36

OP, he has no respect for you and can't even be bothered to feign affection. It has nothing to do with money. You are worth so much more.

You know, I'm at home with my DS - it's just the two of us these days - and I couldn't be happier. I had so many stressful / disappointing / shitty Christmases.

I wish you the very best and hope 2019 brings you want you want x

thebaronetofcockburn · 25/12/2018 10:37

He didn't even buy his kid a present? What a fucking wanker. You're not married. Whatever you do, GO BACK TO WORK FT! Don't go PT or quit to be supported by this tosser. And no '50/50' if you earn less.

Birdsgottafly · 25/12/2018 10:46

I agree that you are minimising his behaviour and that's what concerns me.

How long have you been minimising for?

Did it start during pregnancy?

Does he undermine you in other ways, Show you that you aren't worth consideration?

Abuse doesn't start as abuse, it's low level, chipping away of your self esteem, so when it escalates, you've been well trained to minimise and not make a fuss.

He should have been brimming with excitement at your first Christmas with a Baby. You've given him a child and he couldn't even get you your favourite chocs, new pjs/dressing gown/slippers. All easily doable on C&C/delivery and would have taken a lunch break.

Missingstreetlife · 25/12/2018 10:48

I think mine really doesn't like presents, but he knows better than to think he can assume everyone agrees with him. Complacent not good enuff.

Merryoldgoat · 25/12/2018 10:49

He’s not a nice person OP.

He sees you struggling and doesn’t care. He doesn’t value you or your contribution to the family.

Time to think about whether he’s really ‘the one’.

Myheartbelongsto · 25/12/2018 10:50

Get rid!!!!!!!!!!!

Just get rid.

arranbubonicplague · 25/12/2018 10:50

Dp couldn't be bothered to get me a present (his words)

Your DP has told you who he is, you should probably believe him.

Birdsgottafly · 25/12/2018 10:51

"He earns a lot more than me so he pays more bills and things, so I feel like I can't be sad that he didn't get me anything"

That worries me as well. He has earning capacity because you've had his Baby.

I'm 51, I was discussing this with friends my age and older. Men used to fully support the Family and get their Partners a Christmas present, it might have been via giving their Mother/Sister the money to get it, but because of practical reasons.

You can feel sad that your Partner doesn't want to see your reaction to a well thought out gift.

Suebnm · 25/12/2018 10:55

Did your boyfriend get your daughter anything or did he leave it to you without any discussion?

Soubriquet · 25/12/2018 10:58

We have been very short of money this year, yet we have still managed to buy something each for others.

Has he seriously expected you to get all of your dd’s presents on your SMP and not contributed?

He sounds like a selfish twat

MrsSarahSiddons · 25/12/2018 11:01

Been married to one of these for decades. It will never get better, believe me.

Lovemusic33 · 25/12/2018 11:18

LTB

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