To consider kicking my MIL out for this 'joke'

[radioactiveimagination]

MIL arrived to spend Xmas with me, DH and DCs. DS 6 months has recently started babbling, 'dada' being a regular noise he makes (much to my chagrin ). Five minutes into stay, DH is saying to DS, 'who's your dada?' as DS has also started pointing/reaching for people he likes the look of. MIL looks on fondly. So far so cute. DH asks DS again, 'who's your dada?' To which MIL pipes up, 'we may never know.' WTAF? DH assures me this was meant as a joke, but I find it coarse and off-colour. We don't make jokes like that in my family and I don't understand the humour - 'haha, DIL, your child is probably illegitimate as you are clearly shagging around'. I feel like it was just an excuse to be bitchy (me and MIL don't get exactly see eye to eye). AIBU to be fuming?

Yup,this notion of the 2nd act pithy putdown.you pipe up hours/days later
And of course the notion that did you mean to be so rude is the most searing riposte.ever
When if someone genuinely said that did you mean to ,the obvious answer is fuck, yea

With someone like your MIL i'd do my best not to give her the reaction she's looking for - you getting pissed off and making it obvious.
I would, however, turn her jokes back on her.
Wait til she/dh starts trying to get your dc to say 'nana' or whatever she wants to be called "no dear, mil isn't sure about that so just her name will do"

I’d have laughed

Really?youd give such a convoluted reply.thats worse than the initial bad joke

Your MIL sounds a lot more fun than you. Happy Christmas!

Wait til she/dh starts trying to get your dc to say 'nana' or whatever she wants to be called "no dear, mil isn't sure about that so just her name will do"

MIL: ?????
DIL: You know, Christmas Eve last year, when you made that joke about me being a cheating whore and cuckolding your son?
MIL: mmmmkay ...

A fair whack of mn make out they’re in a mannered drama,just waiting for cues,quips and killer lines to deliver
So they can waft off in an indignant haze after the killer dodo yiu mean to be so rude
Or the “I’ve never been so insluted” ,before stamping off

I think it's the kind of joke you'd make with long time friends and close family but not with those you don't particularly get along with.

I expect she just wanted to make you feel awkward. Don't let her have that satisfaction.

If DH and I take a while to answer the door we are told we were clearly shagging. My Mum would never joke this lent Dad but hey, I can't tell others how they should make jokes unless their outright nasty.

I'd have looked at she and said "yo momma"

Not she DH!!

“Oh he knows, he gave me the ride of my life last night....didn’t you darling?” Should shut her up

Sorry but you are way overthinking.

My (lovely) ex mil made a similar joke re dd is the absolute spit of her dad but looks nothing like me at all! "Well we know who the dad is who's the mum!"

It's not meant critically it's just a comment on the phase he's going through.

My bro's eldest went through a phase of calling EVERYONE dada, many jokes made about this.

Best way to handle it would've been to come back at her with

"Who's X [one of her kids who looks nothing like her or dad]'s mum/dad it's a mystery!"

Or "well dh always has competition for my affections good thing I like him"

Or something similar.

You gotta toughen up and quicken your wit, geez you'd not last 5 mins with my lot!

I'm a ghost skinned redhead with piggy eyes among a family of near Arab looking (black curly hair, dark olive skin, dark brown almond shaped eyes) immediate family I've had jokes all my life about being adopted! (I'm the spit of one gran, seriously photos of us at same age are frequently mistaken one for the other - genes can be funny things)

I have to say given this example if maybe the reason you don't see "eye to eye" is you need to relax a little?

The only time I've known such a joke to fall flat in real life is when the paternity WAS in question! (Joke makers unaware of this).

And even aside from ALL that

If she meant it innocently shrugging it off as not meant maliciously is the right thing to do

And

If she didn't - then shrugging it off takes the wind right out her sails!

Oh he knows, he gave me the ride of my life last night....didn’t you darling
And exactly when,where,is one going to slip that sidesplitting bawdy riposte in?
Pass the gravy Oh he knows, he gave me the ride of my life last night....didn’t you darling
Eastenders was good tonight Oh he knows, he gave me the ride of my life last night....didn’t you darling

Kick her out??? No wonder you don’t see eye to eye, it’s a joke FFS. Long term it’s better for you, your son and your husband to have some tolerance and not take everything to heart. One day you will hopefully be a MIL and you want to hope your future DIL isn’t as sensitive. Honestly life is too precious and short to cling on to the negative.

"Oh he knows, he gave me the ride of my life last night....didn’t you darling?” Should shut her up

But the baby wasn't conceived last night, so that makes no sense at all.

Giving your missus a Grade A fuck almost a year and a half after a baby was conceived doesn't make it indisputable that you're that baby's father.

Unless she's (non-jokingly) accused or implied that you've been unfaithful in the past, I don't think it's anything to be annoyed be.. sounds like banter to be honest.

I think it’s tasteless, but probably just an off the cuff remark she probably regretted saying afterwards

Please don't judge me by your personal standards ... would work in that situation 😉

No it wouldn’t, it’d be clunky and daft
And worse if yiu had to elaborate upon it,and explain what you’re insinuating

All I could think of was father ted: pat mustard and the hairy babies.

I would have laughed tbh, but I suppose it depends on your own sense of humour and the relationship you have with your in-laws.

Not worth worrying about imo- have a lovely Christmas instead!

Op:Please don't judge me by your personal standards
MIL: pardon?what do you mean dear
OP: I’m lamely suggesting you’re a bike. Whose the daddy?
...yes I can see that playing out well

I think it’s a cheap joke. It wouldn’t go down well in our family at all, and I’d be very angry if my mil said it to me.

These milkman jokes can stick though. I'm 50 now and my sisters still joke I'm the fish delivery man's. I remember him, he was tiny and Chinese. I am not tiny and Chinese.

Haha, our DD has orange hair (red but she calls it orange :-) ), my husband did too as a child but as an adult his hair is now brown as is mine.

When people notice neither of us are red heads often the question comes up as to where the red hair came from or ask if the milkman/post man etc have red hair... I just wink and say to them 'well if I am not telling him (pointing at my husband) I sure aint telling you' then laugh. People think it's funny and generally mean nothing by it.

Don't let it bother you unless in context you think she actually meant it.

Spit on her turkey and open her bedroom window to freeze her when she’s asleep. CF.