To consider kicking my MIL out for this 'joke'

[radioactiveimagination]

MIL arrived to spend Xmas with me, DH and DCs. DS 6 months has recently started babbling, 'dada' being a regular noise he makes (much to my chagrin ). Five minutes into stay, DH is saying to DS, 'who's your dada?' as DS has also started pointing/reaching for people he likes the look of. MIL looks on fondly. So far so cute. DH asks DS again, 'who's your dada?' To which MIL pipes up, 'we may never know.' WTAF? DH assures me this was meant as a joke, but I find it coarse and off-colour. We don't make jokes like that in my family and I don't understand the humour - 'haha, DIL, your child is probably illegitimate as you are clearly shagging around'. I feel like it was just an excuse to be bitchy (me and MIL don't get exactly see eye to eye). AIBU to be fuming?

I think it depends on the tone of voice. It might be just a really crap joke, or it might be a warning of future spite and undermining.
Either way I would have been furious and they would have got the Death Stare/Slow Head Turn combo (works even on teenagers!).

It's certainly not a joke I would make and my sense of humour has gotten me into trouble a few times

I can't see whats 'hilarious' about being a bitch to a new mother who you don't have a great relationship with. Sounds like she saw the opportunity and couldn't help herself. Because she's a bitch

Genuinely surprised by some people's reaction on this thread, I wouldn't assume it was anything other than a joke. "Who's your daddy" would not be left hanging without mockery in my house. I would be the MIL from hell if one of my sons married one of you lot!

Its a jokey banter that's as old as the hills!
Usual come back is something like ' the milk man has a lot to answer for or something else equally banal.
Unless there's a back story it's a comment that's usually said when babies dont look like dad at that moment.

Also the whole 'it's just a joke' , 'it's just banter' nonsense needs to fuck off. It's only people who are too cowardly to say what they really mean or think say. Can't stand it.

@Furiosa as if the MIL is actually challenging the child's paternity come on, I get what you're saying that banter shouldn't condone bullying, but when it's so far fetched (assuming it is...?!) it's clearly a joke.

Me and DH joked our dd was either the milkman's daughter or the postmans daughter because she has lovely blonde curly hair. I have dark blonde hair, his is a brown colour. Neither of us have curly hair. Our regular postie has blonde hair and the milkman has dark curly hair.

This was of course lighthearted and he has no doubt she is his!

It wouldn't bother me if another family member joined in on the joke / said a similar joke. I would probably laugh and join in.

If you didn't like the joke, YANBU to tell your mil not to make the joke again because you didn't like it. YABU to kick her out because of it. I think your opinion of your mil has made the joke more distasteful then perhaps if someone you liked made the joke.

It's clearly a joke because the baby keep saying it at random. OP you are being oversensitive, laugh it off and have another gin.

I’d be offended too.

Revenge is a dish served cold. Wait until the moment arises and get someone to ask your DH who is your dada- that’s when you say, ‘we’ll never know will we DMIL?’ With a merry little laugh of course.

Yes, before someone says it, I am a bitch sometimes.

@MatildaTheCat you think that's bitchy? I would laugh along at that. Beginning to think there are 2 people in the world....

Not a joke if MIL has form for being unpleasant. Just a passive-agressive 'dig'.

Yes absolutely kick her out. She shouldn't be forced to spend Christmas with anyone so bitter and who is quite so keen to find imagined fault with her.

Or get over yourself and enjoy having a loving family around you who make terrible jokes.

Comments such as that help your child to develop the cognitive ability and recognise their surroundings and people. If you don't teach children these sort of things from the start you are being negligent.

Shitty joke. Bit of a slur on your dh. I'd give her a hard stare and be glad to see the back of her once she'd gone.

It was a joke but a bit too familiar if you don’t get on imo. I think you should have said something that implied your dhs father was also unknown as pp have said. Or you could have played your own joke and shot a look to your dh and in your most serious voice said ‘great, I thought we weren’t mentioning it to anyone until we get the test done’.
But it’s easy to think of good responses in hindsight. I’d definitely be planning on how you can jokily imply she’s got loose sexual morals in future since that’s the kind of humour she seems to enjoy.

I don’t think it’s a particularly nice joke.

However, for,the sake,of harmony, I would let it go.

Unless there's a bit more history/backstory I'd let it slide as a play on the old "milkman" joke.

Look, I don't think she was actually implying I have been unfaithful to my husband, it was just a chance to make a joke at my expense. Might be a generational thing but it's not funny to me and believe me I do have a sense of humour. 'Kicking her out' was a bit OTT and was meant to be tongue in cheek. I am getting stuck into a nice bottle of Beaujolais now so I'm sure it'll all seem fine soon. Happy Christmas!

Shitty joke. Bit of a slur on your dh

How? It's a slur on the OP not DH!

I can see how it might be a slur on him, for being 'cuckolded' or whatever. That was a hilarious idea back in Tudor times wasn't it? But nowadays not so much.

Very ill judged joke. My family would not make jokes like this either OP so I also struggle to understand the humour.

It IS funny. Unless you actually don't know, it is in no way "off colour", ffs.

Either it's a crap joke or she thinks you've been shagging around. It's probably the first OP. Have a wine and don't let it ruin Christmas.

Well it’s all in the delivery and the relationship you have with her. Clearly, it’s offensive to you as you don’t have that kind of humour and her delivery was off. I don’t think I’d find it funny either. I don’t blame you for being angry.

Surely the point was that DS, when asked the question, pointed to random things or people. That's the joke. Ha ha - we may never know. If you want to take offence go ahead but if you had asked DS "Whose your Mummy and he'd pointed to Mil or DH I'm sure there would have been a joke too. It's obvious