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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU - taking a dog to a dinner party unannounced is the height of rudeness?

145 replies

Vashna · 24/12/2018 09:30

AIBU to think if you’re invited to a dinner party, you don’t presume to turn up with a dog? Last night, I did a dinner party for 12. They were mostly people DH had invited (this is another issue) but anyway - one couple came with a little dog in a bag! Now I love dogs (it was a Pomeranian she said), but we have cats who we don’t really let out in the evening. The woman wanted to sit with the dog at the table and the husband seemed equally clueless, but the dog wouldn’t settle so in the end she agreed to put in in a room in the basement. It was yapping all night. The cats were freaked out and one peed on my daughters bed because he wouldn’t come down to use the litter tray. So my daughter had to share with my other daughter and her mattress is ruined with cat urine. This couple stayed until 1am and the woman was clearly very drunk by about 10pm. Meanwhile, another couple had a row and she stormed off in a taxi at about 12. I be told DH I’m not catering for his random contacts again and I’ve had enough. He says he thought the evening was “interesting” but thanks very much and not to worry about it. AIBU to think IANBU and people in their 40s should know better than to behave like this?

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 24/12/2018 09:31

I would have turned them away I'm afraid.

Strugglingtodomybest · 24/12/2018 09:34

Bizarre behaviour. Do they not realise that a dog isn't a fashion accessory?

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 24/12/2018 09:36

Er what? How bizarre!

YANBU, you can’t just turn up with a dog in a bag (don’t get me started on the ridiculousness of that) and walk into someone’s house. Would it be ok if I walked my staffie in on her lead? No of course it wouldn’t. Also, the fact you have cats and they still did it is extra rude

GlasgowWorrier · 24/12/2018 09:38

Card-carrying dog lover here, and I’d say definitely YANBU. Bringing any additional guest - Fido, Grandma Giles, your new boyfriend, the little baby Jesus - to a meal uninvited is just rude.

MyPoodleisWorthTenofYou · 24/12/2018 09:39

Why don’t you let your cats out at night? Mine loves going out at night way more than in daytime.

Suziepoozie · 24/12/2018 09:41

That’s so weird, I feel like people with teacup sized dogs don’t think of them as dogs. Nobody would ever randomly bring an Alsatian to dinner. She was being ridiculous.

Vashna · 24/12/2018 09:41

Thankyou. It’s not just me then. I was starting to wonder if this was a “thing.” She just walked in with the dog and didn’t really ask if I was ok with it. What if someone had an allergy to dogs?

OP posts:
Celebelly · 24/12/2018 09:43

That is so rude!!! Maybe she thinks that it's not really a dog as she carries it around in a bag?? I'm a huge dog-lover but unless going to a family occasion (where everyone is always welcome to bring dogs) or my dog was explicitly invited, there is no way I'd just pitch up with her.

Vashna · 24/12/2018 09:44

MyPoodles - they are quite rare cats and there have been cases of cats going missing round here. Also we had one run over a while ago. They’re not actually bothered about going out in the day much in this weather.

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 24/12/2018 09:47

Dogs should not be in bloody bags. They are not a fashion accessory. How very rude to take one to a dinner party. Having said that I am not surprised I work in a supermarket and plenty of people think the no dogs sign diesnt ount if you are carrying them or they are in a bag.

agedknees · 24/12/2018 09:49

That is so rude. I love dogs. Here’s mine dreaming of santapaws. But he goes nowhere uninvited.

agedknees · 24/12/2018 09:49

Dreaming of santapaws.

Ragwort · 24/12/2018 09:50

So rude, I would have been horrified, not sure what I’d do if someone actually turned up with one, I hope I would be confident enough to say I do not allow dogs in my home. I only know a few people with dogs & they all know not to bring them to my home.

ShadyLady53 · 24/12/2018 09:50

WTAF?!

No, this isn’t ok. I would have feigned an allergy and said “I’m sorry, I can’t have a dog in the house, DC is severely allergic. I had no idea you’d turn up with a dog.”

ShadyLady53 · 24/12/2018 09:52

@agedpaws - Look at that shiny, shiny coat 😍. Hope Santapaws brings lots of goodies.

C8H10N4O2 · 24/12/2018 09:53

but thanks very much and not to worry about it

I'd take that advice. Next time he wants contacts wined and dined he can take them to a restaurant because yours is closed to people you don't actively want to invite into your home.

As for taking a dog to another person's home without first asking - words fail me.

Wonkypalmtree · 24/12/2018 09:57

People are clueless, it’s rude and I would have probably turned them away.

I went to a restaurant on Saturday and a woman had her German shepherd with her, massive, squashed under their table.

Vashna · 24/12/2018 09:59

The thing that annoyed me most was that once it became apparent the dog was being too “frisky” (as the guest put it), the fact that it was alone in the basement and obviously scared because it was yapping, didn’t bother her at all. So I was the one up and down checking on the dog and the DC occupied it for a while. I told DH, the least he could have done is checked on the dog a few times and couldn’t he see I had enough to do without that. Or he could have sorted the bedding at least because I don’t know this woman from Adam and I wouldn’t expect him to deal with my friends if they were antisocial.

OP posts:
IRanSoFarAway · 24/12/2018 10:00

I take my hat off to you having a dinner party for people you didn't even know! How rude of that woman who didn't even know you to turn up with a dog without asking. Honestly. Also the other couple having a row in YOUR house- so rude as well! I wouldn't be inviting them back any time soon....

LostInShoebiz · 24/12/2018 10:01

I think we might know the same couple! Turned up at a mutual friend’s wedding with their Pom. The venue only allowed guide dogs so the couple gave an ultimatum of they all stayed or no one stayed. Absolute idiots.

missbattenburg · 24/12/2018 10:02

one couple came with a little dog in a bag!

Dogs almost always have four legs and those that do should use them. She doesn't think it's a dog she's brought. She thinks it's a cuddly toy.

She is stupid.

2Brieornot2Brie · 24/12/2018 10:09

My dog is my baby and all my friends know that. She gets invited with us to lots of places but if she's not I never ask and I would never ever just turn up with her.

BabySharkDooDooDooDoo · 24/12/2018 10:11

There are times dogs should stay at home and a dinner party is one of them

Whereisthecoffee · 24/12/2018 10:15

My dogs are big fluffy slobbering messes but even if they were tiny I’d never just turn up with them so rude. I couldn’t relax if I was worrying about my dog all night and the noise would be quite stressful too if everyone was drunk.

MrsSpenserGregson · 24/12/2018 10:17

OMG I am a dog owner and your guest was so rude! Of course you don't take a dog to someone's house without checking first. And she should be paying for a new mattress. And your DH should be telling her this, and buying you some flowers and doing all the pre-christmas prep today since you were busily cooking for his guests last night!

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