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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU - taking a dog to a dinner party unannounced is the height of rudeness?

145 replies

Vashna · 24/12/2018 09:30

AIBU to think if you’re invited to a dinner party, you don’t presume to turn up with a dog? Last night, I did a dinner party for 12. They were mostly people DH had invited (this is another issue) but anyway - one couple came with a little dog in a bag! Now I love dogs (it was a Pomeranian she said), but we have cats who we don’t really let out in the evening. The woman wanted to sit with the dog at the table and the husband seemed equally clueless, but the dog wouldn’t settle so in the end she agreed to put in in a room in the basement. It was yapping all night. The cats were freaked out and one peed on my daughters bed because he wouldn’t come down to use the litter tray. So my daughter had to share with my other daughter and her mattress is ruined with cat urine. This couple stayed until 1am and the woman was clearly very drunk by about 10pm. Meanwhile, another couple had a row and she stormed off in a taxi at about 12. I be told DH I’m not catering for his random contacts again and I’ve had enough. He says he thought the evening was “interesting” but thanks very much and not to worry about it. AIBU to think IANBU and people in their 40s should know better than to behave like this?

OP posts:
Floofboopborkandsnoot · 24/12/2018 13:27

I have a Pomeranian and whilst I do pick her and carry her sometimes I have never thought to put her in a bag. Gosh I can’t even imagine trying tbh, poms aren’t really handbag dogs. Grin

I also would never just bring her along with out asking. She usually always gets invited anywhere I am, tbh they’re inviting her and I’m just the tag along haha, but if not I wouldn’t bring her and if it was an overnight thing or to long to leave her then I’d ask if I could bring her along and if they say no have to make other arrangements. You can’t just turn up with a dog so YANBU!!

Nanny0gg · 24/12/2018 13:30

You've got one of 'those' husbands.

They earn the money, sit back and let 'the wife' pick up all the domestic duties.

Suggest he gets a housekeeper.

AnOtherNomdePlume · 24/12/2018 13:43

He's right op .

Don't get stressed, go out on a bike ride instead!

Seriously though I'm sorry for your predicament.

For the future I'd tell him to pick himself a restaurant for regular entertaining.

OliviaBenson · 24/12/2018 13:45

Sorry op but you are making a rod for your own back here. Your DH knows you'll not let his family go without. Go out today and don't do any cooking. He sounds bloody awful but you do need to take a stand. How dare he say it's his day off and bugger off cycling.

AnOtherNomdePlume · 24/12/2018 13:45

Warren Buffet uses his local steakhouse, for example.

DarlingNikita · 24/12/2018 13:46

Your DH knows you'll not let his family go without. Go out today and don't do any cooking. He sounds bloody awful but you do need to take a stand.

Precisely this.

Bibijayne · 24/12/2018 14:00

We love our dog... But we wouldn't take her to a dinner party!

Sweak · 24/12/2018 14:22

My uncle brought his dog unannounced to my wedding! I wasn't too pleased but let it go as what could I do?

Sounds like your OH needs to pull his weight, after all you are catering for his guests. At the very least he should wash up

Jux · 24/12/2018 14:23

As soon as I saw the dog I'd've insisted it wait in their car. Ousr house is a dog-free zone - we have 3 cats and this is their home too, I'm not having them upset by someone, no matter how close a friend, bringing a bloody dog in. I've made people tie their dog up outside many times.

I like dogs, but not in my house.

Housework, cookng, prepping etc. are all learned things and unless your dh is seriously stupid he can learn them.

Write a list of things you need to do for HIS relatives and hand it to hi, then get your bike out and bugger off until 4.30.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 24/12/2018 14:27

My uncle brought his dog unannounced to my wedding!

The same happened at the wedding of a friend of mine ... which was bad enough in itself, but the owner hadn't been invited and simply turned up with a relative who had

You really do have to wonder what goes on in these people's minds Hmm

rabbitfoodadvocate · 24/12/2018 14:31

This is why dog owners get a bad name! Good god.

You ANBU at all. I would have turned them away and I’m a devoted dog owner and fan. Hence we always clarify well before time if we plan to take ours anywhere, take a basket, food and things to keep her happy.

Idiots.

rabbitfoodadvocate · 24/12/2018 14:35

When DH comes back I will ask him to hoover around. He will huff and puff but he’ll do it if he thinks I’m about to lose the plot. However, cooking is something he says he doesn’t do and he just won’t get involved. He argues there are things I won’t do and this is his “thing.”

DREAMY. I'm so upset that I married a chap who not only does his share but will do more when I'm clearly under pressure or needing help. I hope cleaning the toilets are one of his "things"...seems like a perfect fit for an asshole.

Travisandthemonkey · 24/12/2018 14:59

Clearly being an unhelpful nob is his thing. Oh and making out the op is a grumpy kill joy

Travisandthemonkey · 24/12/2018 15:00

And I could have guessed he’s the type of husband to go on a bike ride (it’s his hobby dontcha know)

Vashna · 24/12/2018 15:18

He came back at 1 ish and had a shower. I was making the DC toasties because we’re having a buffet-style thing later and he just sat down expecting one. I did make it because I didn’t want a weird atmosphere today, but I did tell him he needs to hoover the stairs. I said to the kids as well, if we all (5 persons) do 3 jobs each, that’s 15 jobs I’m not doing. I felt the need to phrase it like this so DH wouldn’t take the hump at being singled out and asked directly. This is how ridiculous it is. None of them see the point in what I’ve asked them to do, but DH is now chivvying the kids with “come on, help now - your mum’s getting stressed”, but the point is, I wouldn’t be in stress modest all if he helped without asking!!

OP posts:
agedknees · 24/12/2018 15:23

He’s a lazy twat. Don’t do the buffet, get him to do it. Sit down with a glass of wine - tell him your de-stressing.

Travisandthemonkey · 24/12/2018 15:27

It’s so passive aggressive.
Oh there’s you’re mother getting in a mood again.
Yet again you’re the bad guy and he’s the funny charming one, who’s on the kids side.

Can you not see that this is really awful.

Travisandthemonkey · 24/12/2018 15:28

100% stop doing anything this Christmas.
Just go to bed and don’t move.

Vashna · 24/12/2018 15:37

Yes It is quite passive aggressive Travis. I hadn’t thought if it like that. Maybe I should do a thread about DH at Christmas! He just gives off a certain vibe that there are certain things you can’t ask of him. It will be chaos here soon anyway and MIL will start busybodying. His brother is the same and he’s coming later - they will go off into a different room as soon as there’s any clearing away, no doubt.

OP posts:
DarlingNikita · 24/12/2018 15:45

they will go off into a different room as soon as there’s any clearing away, no doubt.

So you go off into a different room as soon as there's any cooking/clearing/sorting/hosting to be done.

Travisandthemonkey · 24/12/2018 15:51

I saw my dad do this to my mum her whole life. She would get stressed doing everything whilst he was the convivial host, who was always fun to be around.
Then she would get pissed off, and everyone would go “oh there goes mum”
Whilst he just sat there like some golden throned king of chill.

I fell for it as a kid. Bad tempered mother. Cool dad. Only now I’m older I can see through it.

arranbubonicplague · 24/12/2018 15:52

My all time favourite "bring a dog to a holiday dinner" story:

Meanwhile the woman kept talking a blue streak, mostly about the dog. “Nugget has a healing ministry with the elderly.” A what???? The husband seemed to be fine with this talk, so I just said, “Oh?” and she went on to describe how Nugget was nice to old people. Nugget, meanwhile, was yapping away in his playpen, and I couldn’t see how he could minister to anyone but his rodent self. “Yes, he goes to them, and he sits with them, and plays with them, and the old people are so blessed.”
...
I hadn’t said anything and was focusing on my dinner, but my Thanksgiving luck was still holding. This guy had it in for me. “Light cannot fellowship with darkness,” he decreed at the end of his story, staring pointedly at me. He was preparing a sermon; I could see it in his eyes. Here we go again. Why me? Is it so wrong to not have faith in dog healing?

sassysundry.blogspot.com/2006/11/thanksgiving-with-dead-and-chihuahua.html

It features many other splendid characters who will make everything in your life seem comparatively normal.

Nanny0gg · 24/12/2018 16:21

Why do you let it go on?

Ta1kinpeace · 24/12/2018 16:38

Dear OP
Your DH needs to wake up.
You need to stop facilitating him.
If he will not cook, he can order the takeaway / book the restaurant.

And if anybody EVER turned up at my house with a dog I'd not agreed to in advance, it would be put in the garden tied to a tree no matter what the weather or dog.
UNBELIEVABLY rude.

LannieDuck · 24/12/2018 16:55

You have a DH problem. If he doesn't cook, he doesn't invite people to a dinner party. End of.

He needs to do half of the prep work for xmas - try and make 'his' jobs the things that he'll see the need for (wrapping kids' presents perhaps? doing a food shop if you produce a list?) or stuff you don't really care about (cards for his side of the family?).

Don't pick up jobs when he doesn't do them; just leave them undone and look at him to solve any problems that causes. So you asked him to chop veg? Do the rest of the cooking, serve up and ask him where the veg is. Or perhaps that's a bit passive aggressive - maybe get to the point of cooking where you need the veg and ask him where it is. If it ends up late to the table, so be it. (But the general point is that if he doesn't do it, it doesn't get done. He screws up, he needs to realise there are consequences.)

Why were you the one dealing with the dog last night? You could have asked him to do it. Or left the woman to deal with her own dog. Don't make work where you don't need to.