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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU - taking a dog to a dinner party unannounced is the height of rudeness?

145 replies

Vashna · 24/12/2018 09:30

AIBU to think if you’re invited to a dinner party, you don’t presume to turn up with a dog? Last night, I did a dinner party for 12. They were mostly people DH had invited (this is another issue) but anyway - one couple came with a little dog in a bag! Now I love dogs (it was a Pomeranian she said), but we have cats who we don’t really let out in the evening. The woman wanted to sit with the dog at the table and the husband seemed equally clueless, but the dog wouldn’t settle so in the end she agreed to put in in a room in the basement. It was yapping all night. The cats were freaked out and one peed on my daughters bed because he wouldn’t come down to use the litter tray. So my daughter had to share with my other daughter and her mattress is ruined with cat urine. This couple stayed until 1am and the woman was clearly very drunk by about 10pm. Meanwhile, another couple had a row and she stormed off in a taxi at about 12. I be told DH I’m not catering for his random contacts again and I’ve had enough. He says he thought the evening was “interesting” but thanks very much and not to worry about it. AIBU to think IANBU and people in their 40s should know better than to behave like this?

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 24/12/2018 11:02

i'l say it-u have a dh problem

stop catering for him and his cronies-get him to do it if he wants to so much is he not capable

MinecraftHolmes · 24/12/2018 11:03

Nah you can't just take a dog with you. If you like going out for more than 4 hours at a time and cba getting your dog looked after, don't get a dog.

Willow2017 · 24/12/2018 11:04

Never mind him doing nothing at all re dinner for his friends. You have his relatives coming yoday and he wants to lie in bed?

Down tools and go out and let him get on with it all and see how much work he has passed on to you.
He needs a reality check . His friends his relatives he gets stuck in and pulls his weight.
Lazy git. He thinks its more important to impress his friends than consider you and his kids.
Sort that attitude out for him.right now.

And anyone who puts a dog in a bag is an idiot i wouldn't want near me anyway i would have told them to sod off and look for some manners, who brings a dog to.a dinner party and expects to have it at the table?
Your dh.should have backed you up he is an arse.

Vashna · 24/12/2018 11:05

I’m not in a hurry to ask any of them back no. Certainly not. One man told us a story about how he’d been out midweek in a “nightclub” (bearing in mind this man is late 40s) and decided it was too far to go home. So instead he ended up sleeping in his offices and actually vomiting in there! He reckons he cleaned it up, but the next day the cleaners complained and now he’s been suspended. He was telling this story as if it was hilarious and his wife got very upset and ended up going home in an Uber. It was so awkward.

OP posts:
haloumi · 24/12/2018 11:05

YANBU. That's very unsociable.

I say this a commited dog-lover!

Vashna · 24/12/2018 11:09

Willow, DH will do nothing for Christmas no, because he will claim he doesn’t want to “get in the way.” He has not even wrapped one gift as usual and I’ve wrapped about 100.

OP posts:
CaptainsYuleLog · 24/12/2018 11:17

Very rude to take a dog when you go visiting. I would have told them to leave it in the car.

Missingstreetlife · 24/12/2018 11:17

So rude. Bicarbonate will get rid of stains on the mattress, leave it and then brush or hoover out later. Febeze, carpet cleaner or disinfectant may help so the cat doesn't go back to do it again, or cover bed in orange peel/zest, they don't like the smell.
Your husband should pay for you to all to go out to apologise. Hope he is cooking tomorrow. Don't be a doormat, give him a warning.

beepbeeprichie · 24/12/2018 11:18

YANBU. And that comes from someone who loves dogs and striking random dogs. Your DH needs a kick up the arse in the New Year!
What on earth does he do to come across such a shower of weirdos?!?

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 24/12/2018 11:23

I have a v small Chihuahua,I've never once put him in bag.For that alone she is U

recklessruby · 24/12/2018 11:24

Yanbu. It was a dinner party. Animals shouldn't be at the table and dogs in bags is a stupid cruel thing in my opinion.
Also animals around a loud party. They won't actually enjoy it!
I never presume I could take my cat to someone s house and let her walk all over the table and worktops. Also she would hate party noise. Why would they think dogs are different? Presumably she wouldn't have towed in a Rottweiler and a few German shepherds and asked for them to be sat at the table?

ScrambledSmegs · 24/12/2018 11:27

Never mind the guests or the dog, your 'DH' is a pig.

Actually, I'm being unfair to pigs.

Anewchapter · 24/12/2018 11:30

I went to a cocktail party once where a guest had brought their very small dog along. The unfortunate dog had a coat on with a clip behind the neck and one at the tail end. The owner proceeded to attach a long shoulder strap and carry the dog around all evening with his legs dangling in mid air. He wasn’t in a bag, he was the bag...

Vashna · 24/12/2018 11:33

‘D’H has now gone in a bike ride. He has told me to try to not get in a state. His family are coming about 4, if not earlier. I do generally get on with them, but even so. Plus the DC have been revising since they broke up, so I’m trying to keep things calm for them.

OP posts:
Willow2017 · 24/12/2018 11:35

Vashna

New Xmas rule he gets stuck in or he gets nothing.
Stop letting him make excuses. Give him specific jobs to do and if he doesnt do.it leave it and tell everyone he was responsible for it but cba.

Time you made a New Years resution to stop being a doormat. He isnt doing anything because you let him get away with it. He presummably manages to do stuff at work so no reason why he cant do things at home.

Start putting yourself first from now on. And def no more dinner parties for his weirdo friends. [Flowers]

ResistanceIsNecessary · 24/12/2018 11:36

As is so often the case, you have a 'D'H problem.

He's lazy. And he's discovered that the best way to get you do to everything, is to be so deliberately clueless and inept that you step in and do it all.

Normally I'd be for a full and frank bollocking, but you don't have time for an argument if you have a houseful of guests turning up. So give him a list of very clear instructions and a firm direction that there will be hell to pay if everything on the list isn't sorted.

Post-Christmas visitors, it sounds like you need to set out your expectations of how he's going to pull his weight. Lazy man-children are incredibly unattractive.

ResistanceIsNecessary · 24/12/2018 11:37

Cross post - I'd be texting him to get his arse back to the house and help. Lazy little fucker.

Kaykay06 · 24/12/2018 11:38

Ridiculous I’d have told them to take the dog home tbb. You don’t sit at dinner with your or anyone’s dog at the table. Even more rude at someone else’s house. Your DH’s friends sound bloody awful tbh.

What breed of cat is rare?...we don’t have cats in bedrooms in case they pee in beds, we had one once who went under the covers and it was bloody disgusting so feel for you with that. Hope your DH makes it up to you as it sounds like you went to a lot of effort here to be treated like crap really

GabsAlot · 24/12/2018 11:42

stop doing everything-tell him hes not in the way and give hima list of things to do

why is it the woman has to do everything ffs

DadJoke · 24/12/2018 11:43

Strategic incompetence is the go-to approach of men wanting to avoid grunt work. Don't put up with it.

Willow2017 · 24/12/2018 11:43

Bloody hell just seen your update op!

Tell him not to.come back selfish lazy shit.

Telling you not to get in a state? Wtaff? There would be nothing done by the time he got backin my house i would be off out and leave a note to clean up.the mess his guests caused and what to.prep for his family coming.

Unbelievably selfish, self centred arse.

You really deserve better. Maybe next year have a good long think about what exactly you are getting out of this relationship as it sounds complete one sided.

Katinkka · 24/12/2018 11:44

Get the husband to order mattress protectors while he’s at it.

Vashna · 24/12/2018 11:45

What he did yesterday was go to the shop and get the drink. That’s it. I did ask him to chop something but he drifted off and then I couldn’t be bothered asking him twice.
To be fair, he has never met the wife of this associate of his before and had no idea about the dog. He reckons it was fine because the DC were delighted and he thought I loved those cute dogs. He says they haven’t been in the country long and we all have to live and let live and don’t get stressed and ruin your own Xmas.

OP posts:
DarlingNikita · 24/12/2018 11:52

Right, well going by your updates all I have to say (again) is he needs his arse handed to him.

Fuck off out for the afternoon and let him sort out his relatives.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 24/12/2018 11:57

I've had my share of dreary/difficult/annoying dinner parties with DH's guests (usually work related) but DH always did the organising and cooking, I only had to lay the table and help with the clean up (help with, not do, the clean up). If he didn't have time to do it then we hosted in a restaurant.

Does he coerce you to skivvy for him in some way? What would happen if he announced a dinner party and you said "no" and refused to cook for it?

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