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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU - taking a dog to a dinner party unannounced is the height of rudeness?

145 replies

Vashna · 24/12/2018 09:30

AIBU to think if you’re invited to a dinner party, you don’t presume to turn up with a dog? Last night, I did a dinner party for 12. They were mostly people DH had invited (this is another issue) but anyway - one couple came with a little dog in a bag! Now I love dogs (it was a Pomeranian she said), but we have cats who we don’t really let out in the evening. The woman wanted to sit with the dog at the table and the husband seemed equally clueless, but the dog wouldn’t settle so in the end she agreed to put in in a room in the basement. It was yapping all night. The cats were freaked out and one peed on my daughters bed because he wouldn’t come down to use the litter tray. So my daughter had to share with my other daughter and her mattress is ruined with cat urine. This couple stayed until 1am and the woman was clearly very drunk by about 10pm. Meanwhile, another couple had a row and she stormed off in a taxi at about 12. I be told DH I’m not catering for his random contacts again and I’ve had enough. He says he thought the evening was “interesting” but thanks very much and not to worry about it. AIBU to think IANBU and people in their 40s should know better than to behave like this?

OP posts:
AWishForWingsThatWork · 24/12/2018 10:19

The woman was rude, and so is your DH dumping all the hard work on you when it's his random friends that are being entertained.

Please make your DH sort out the bed today, deal with the pain of going to the store for a new mattress, etc. I sincerely hope he's cooking your Christmas meals, too.

HoppingPavlova · 24/12/2018 10:19

No, this isn’t ok. I would have feigned an allergy and said “I’m sorry, I can’t have a dog in the house, DC is severely allergic. I had no idea you’d turn up with a dog.”

This. No idea why you let them in with the dog? I would have qualified the above to say ‘anywhere in the house’.

orangecushion · 24/12/2018 10:21

Rude people. Don't ask them again.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 24/12/2018 10:25

The only surprising thing with someone like this is that she agreed to it going in the basement; I'd have thought she'd consider that out of the question

Maybe I've read it wrong, but FWIW I wouldn't have been too keen on your DH's rather dismissive attitude either ...

PuppyMonkey · 24/12/2018 10:25

“ He says he thought the evening was “interesting” but thanks very much and not to worry about it.” Confused

I don’t even understand what your DH means here, but I reckon you should LTB.Grin

Purplecatshopaholic · 24/12/2018 10:33

I have a lovely, well-behaved dog who my friends probably love more than me frankly! But I would never turn up with him without checking first, that is the height of rudeness - what if people are scared of dogs (he is large and defo would not fit in a bag, lol) or have allergies.

whatnametouse · 24/12/2018 10:36

Yes rude - drives me up the wall

I have a friend with a large dog that likes jumping in water - I hate damp dog smell - it’s me that gets in the bad books if I say no (we have cats & DD who’s slightly allergic).

How can you say no without looking bad, dog owners?

AnnaMariaDreams · 24/12/2018 10:37

If someone turned up at my house with a dog they would either have to leave or I suppose we could shut in the garage with food, water and a bed for a few hours? We have cats so couldn’t have a dog inside the house but the garage isn’t integrated.
I don’t have rude friends so never been an issue.

Purplecatshopaholic · 24/12/2018 10:39

Whatnametouse - I think most dog parents would be fine with you just saying politely that you would rather they didn't bring their dog with them. I think most of us understand dogs are not for everyone. Just because I love my dog to pieces doesn't mean I expect others to. That said if you come to mine, the gloves are off, lol and the dog and cats will all over you!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 24/12/2018 10:40

Ridiculous. I have started seeing women walking around department stores and shopping centres with a small dog in a handbag recently. Must be a thing.

Purplecatshopaholic · 24/12/2018 10:40

will 'be' all over you

LittleOwl153 · 24/12/2018 10:42

The dog wouldn't have got I to my house.
I was at a meeting at someones house not so long back. One of the participants turned up with her dog. She was most put out when the house owner said no she couldn't bring it in as 2 of the house residents were allergic to dogs/dog hair. She lasted about 10 mins then said she was worried about the dog in the car so it was suggested that she go and we'd catch her up later. She was not Impressed - but what could anyone do. Very rude to bring without asking.

I'd also look to her to pay for the mattress or at least for it to be properly cleaned - and on Christmas eve too!!

SerenDippitty · 24/12/2018 10:43

Extremely rude. And I love dogs. Someone at the party might have been allergic for all she knew.

Regnamechanger · 24/12/2018 10:47

You are a very nice person. I would have told them they couldn't stay. That's because I am allergic to some dogs (and even if I wasn't I'd have been inclined to say I was) and also because I won't have an animal badly treated on my watch. So shutting it away, or in the car, wouldn't have been an option.
I run some training events outdoors in the summer. There is a no dogs rule. I have turned a couple of people away and given them a refund when they ignored that.

Vashna · 24/12/2018 10:48

What triggered to write this this morning is that, after the whole shenanigan last night, DH had the cheek to ask me why I was “banging dishes around this morning” when it’s his day off and he’s trying to sleep! He has no idea how much effort is is to cater for people you don’t know and it’s all very well to think its “interesting” or hillarious when weird, socially inept people come over when you do sod all! He is telling me to relax. I be told him to go online and order a same day mattress. He asked what size so I told him to go and measure it. I have his relatives coming later and I’m feeling stressed enough already! Sorry, this is turning into a general rant.

OP posts:
44PumpLane · 24/12/2018 10:50

I have a small dog that I like more than most people and would never do this- it's so rude and unacceptable.

YANBU!

DarlingNikita · 24/12/2018 10:50

I'd have turned them away on principle for keeping a dog in a fucking bag. And of course it was yapping; who would be happy dumped in a basement?

They clearly don't give a shit about it beyond its status as accessory.

And to the more general point: I love dogs and welcome them in my house IF their owners ask if they can bring them. I've never met anyone rude and entitled enough to presume.

I think your DH needs his arse handed to him about this.

Jaxhog · 24/12/2018 10:51

Bringing any additional guest - Fido, Grandma Giles, your new boyfriend, the little baby Jesus - to a meal uninvited is just rude.
Absolutely right. And you have no idea whether someone might be allergic to your fur baby. I'd have asked them to leave. I have a friend who does this, so she no longer gets an invite to my house. Ever.

Why don’t you let your cats out at night?
Because they kill small animals, get run over etc. Ours have got into the habit of sleeping at night, so are also more active during the day too.

TooTrueToBeGood · 24/12/2018 10:52

Why are you doing the dishes? They were mainly his guests, let him do the washing up. Let me guess, I bet you did most of the cooking and serving too.

DadJoke · 24/12/2018 10:54

Wow! YANBU. Your DH isn't to blame for them bringing a dog, but not dealing with it and brushing it off afterwards is just shitty.

Is there an exciteable great dane you know you can take to their house for a surprise visit?

whynotgetalong · 24/12/2018 10:56

I'm mortified to say my DH would and has done this OP. Blush He just doesn't think. We have a large dog and apparently one weekend when I was away with work DH was invited to someone's house for dinner. He apparently turned up with our large dog and proceeded to go in, let the dog off his lead, chat to people whilst our dog ran around getting into everything. DH was apparently blissfully unaware of the looks, stares, suggestions about the dog. All he told me later was, 'I went to dinner at X's house Saturday night.' I didn't think anything of it, until about a month later when X was having another dinner party and said 'Please don't bring your dog, it was total chaos last time.' Eh? What are you on about, I said.
I was and still am mortified.Blush

Chamomileteaplease · 24/12/2018 10:57

The dog was a gift to highlight the fact that you need to stop doing all the things your husband should be doing . As you said, - it should have been him checking the dog and him changing the sheets. Why did you do it?

Time for change. The mattress is a good start. Don't stop there. Smile

Figlessfig · 24/12/2018 10:57

You rant all you want, Vashna. You’re entitled to. Your husband’s a pillock, I’m afraid!

Loyaultemelie · 24/12/2018 10:57

I love dogs until recently had 4 (farm) now 2 however my 2 house cats are my babies, half a step down from my dds and way above all guests. Guests and dog would have been turned away. Mind you 75% of my guests are complete animal nuts and the rest are prewarned what they are walking into.

NonaGrey · 24/12/2018 10:57

I don’t like dogs. I find the sound of barking very difficult to cope with.

Anyone turning up
at my house with a dog would politely, but firmly be told that it wasn’t welcome.

My single exception to this is my PILs dog which I tolerate in the spirit of family harmony and they take total responsibility for him.

As for the rest of the drama that sounds quite entertaining. I wouldn’t be in a hurry to invite them back though!