AIBU - taking a dog to a dinner party unannounced is the height of rudeness?

[Vashna]

AIBU to think if you’re invited to a dinner party, you don’t presume to turn up with a dog? Last night, I did a dinner party for 12. They were mostly people DH had invited (this is another issue) but anyway - one couple came with a little dog in a bag! Now I love dogs (it was a Pomeranian she said), but we have cats who we don’t really let out in the evening. The woman wanted to sit with the dog at the table and the husband seemed equally clueless, but the dog wouldn’t settle so in the end she agreed to put in in a room in the basement. It was yapping all night. The cats were freaked out and one peed on my daughters bed because he wouldn’t come down to use the litter tray. So my daughter had to share with my other daughter and her mattress is ruined with cat urine. This couple stayed until 1am and the woman was clearly very drunk by about 10pm. Meanwhile, another couple had a row and she stormed off in a taxi at about 12. I be told DH I’m not catering for his random contacts again and I’ve had enough. He says he thought the evening was “interesting” but thanks very much and not to worry about it. AIBU to think IANBU and people in their 40s should know better than to behave like this?

I would have told them to tie it up outside.

that’s 15 jobs I’m not doing
problem is that you are still framing yourself as the default person for domestic work
default=right & 'natural', the things that we do automatically without conscious deliberation

you want the others to do a fair share of domestic work and you have framed it in such a way that the consequence (aka punishment) for them not stepping up is that you have to do it.

This doesnt matter to them because you are clearly on board with being the default doer of housework and therefor it is natural and right for you to do it.

Things need to be set up so that they suffer a cost if they dont do a fair share

Also, if he doesn't think some of the jobs need doing, and it's his family... why bother? If he does think the jobs need doing, he needs to take half.

handbag dog woman knew damn well that she was taking the piss and he let her take the piss out of you in front of all his friends

they all got the message loud and clear that you are just a dogsbody

when will be the right time not to have weird atmosphe ethough-he goes out on a boke ride and u h ave to cook his lunch he then pretends to be doing stuff with the kids whilst u cook some more for later

at what point do you say enough is enough

goes out on a boke ride
is that a portmanteau of bike ride and bloke ride :o

( I dont think there is actually a cyclist element to this sage though...is there?)

come on, help now - your mum’s getting stressed”,

He doesn't care that you are stressed, he cares that by including him in the tasks, you are giving him stress. He expects you to do everything quietly and not bother him about it at all.

I agree with everyone else - guest was rude. I like dogs but I have 4 cats who don't feel the same way.

My friend who visits (always during the day in summer) brings her dog, but he is kept in the garden so my cats have the whole house. And of course I'm expecting him.

Ridiculous to carry it in a bag as well!

Sorry I had to come upstairs. In response to some of the posts about DH, it’s not so much that he won’t do anything for me because he will, but it’s become habit, I guess, that household stuff falls to me because he works very long hours and I’m at home mainly. And he doesn’t factor in cleaning or housework or cooking because he thinks it’s covered beyween me and the cleaner and he probably doesn’t factor it in anyway because of his background (cultural) and also his personality. He’s very kind and generous in other ways and he’s good with the DC, but I feel as if I can’t ask him to get involved round the house, rightly or wrongly (probably wrongly). It’s hard to explain exactly what it is. Mostly it’s fine, it’s just 3 events on the run feels too much.

Hmmmm.

Dress it up like that, then.

It’s hard to explain exactly what it is.

Not hard at all. He sees you as the little woman and all household chores are wife work. You seem to agree. That's a shame.

I would have stopped enabling his dinner party whims long ago.

Next time he announces you're having a dinner party, ask him what he's cooking. Just keep asking him that. Then mention that you're visiting your mum/best mate/the Pope that week.

It's weird but it wouldn't bother me. I'm just basically always happy to see a dog.

My FIL is visiting us for Christmas. He has been doing odd jobs around the house since he arrived. Both of them cooked a lovely feast on Christmas Eve and I cooked with their help on Christmas day. DH works long hours. Still does his fair share.
Please realise that he's taking the p*ss. He is BVU.
You need to sit down and explain this. Also, explain exactly what he's doing when he portrays You as a stress bunny in front of the DC.
Rude guests treating you and your house like rubbish is one thing. DH letting them get away with it and portraying you as the villain is another thing entirely. Massive disrespect to you as a person.

OP, that sort of passive aggression (where he does stuff he knows is unfair but then acts surprised when you get grumpy) is unacceptable. My H does this. I have started calling him on it. My mantras are "I am not being unreasonable", "I won't be doing that" and "Why do you think it's OK to behave as though we are not a team?" (this last when he does the whole "oh kids, we all have to work now because you mum is getting all stressed, let's humour her til we can go back to letting her do everything"). It's shit and I sympathise.

Horrible, all of it!

I love my dogs but don't take them to other peoples houses ffs.

Also they would be so scared if i put them in a bag then a basement. They'd be so much happier at home with a dog sitter.

Why the fuck are you living like this? He sees you as a domestic appliance. Send him round to me and I'll tell him a few home truths!! Seriously op, this is how your life is going to be forever unless you shake things up in the new year. Your NYR should be to withdraw domestic services with effect from 1st January. He's a lazy, entitled, man-child and it needs to stop.

She sounds like she's either a dick or pretending to be very 'hollywood' .. again a dick lol!

My ILs often turn up with their dog ... fucking hate it as my cats hate her (dog is a chasy cat type of dog) and she's been known to see in my house too) and one time she was a puppy and turned up to their best friends with the dog ... as your story OP they had cats too - it didn't go down well - they didn't do it again there but often they'll still take the dog to family events as it's 'too long to leave the dog alone' and more than once turned up at a family Members house with dog knowing that their child had an allergy ... fucking unbelievable - but they're so self centred ... it's not about anyone else it's all
About them (MIL really actually)

Incredibly rude. We have a "no dog in house" rule (allergies and the dogs we know jump up constantly and are not calm, generally get everywhere!). They can be in our garden but nowhere indoors. But a small minority of dog owners we know have judged us as rude and "unaccomodating" for not allowing dogs in. Not to our face but we know it's been said!

When we get invited to places with a dog we would never expect them to put the dog out/keep it away, because it's their house, their choice. Unfortunately we don't always get our choice respected