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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP left in a huff

123 replies

CatAnnoyance · 23/12/2018 22:13

Am I going mad here or what?

DP is 40 today. For weeks I've been asking if he'd like a doo or a party or anything like that and he's said no, anything like that is his worst nightmare.

He did say he wanted a game for the Xbox. So I got him that. And tonight we went out for a nice meal with champagne etc.

I've been ill with a cold the last few days and can't seem to shake this tension headache. Probably as our DC (2) has been poorly too, and I've had to do the Christmas shop on my own whilst feeling like shit and also working full time. All of which has resulted in not many hours sleep the past week.

We get home from the restaurant tonight and he's sulky. I think maybe he's tired as he's been up with DC too the last few nights. Then out of nowhere he asks me if I've bought any sexy outfits for tonight?! I'm like what are you on about?

Apparently whilst shopping a couple of months ago we walked past Ann Summers and he said jokingly 'now that's what you can get me for my birthday' and I joked back the usual 'don't think it's suit you har-de-har'. Thought nowt more of it.

Until tonight. He'd thought I had this slutty surprise planned for him when we got home from dinner. When he realised I hadn't and even if I had I feel way too ill to even contemplate it, he said 'so the only thing you've got me for my 40th was a 25 quid game??' Proper incredulous. I'd been asking for months what he wanted and that's what he said.

Anyway he's walked out of the house. Dunno where he's gone. I'm in bed now on pins till he comes back. I just feel like shit now. Guilty that I only got him a game. Happy to be told IABU but it's pissed me off none the less.

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 23/12/2018 22:16

What an ungrateful git. You are not unreasonable at all.

Weenurse · 23/12/2018 22:17

Put it back on him.
You asked and offered and he refused.
You are I’ll do a reasonable partner would pack you off to bed with a hot toddy.
Maybe plan a weekend away in the new year, or a visit to a special event

Nothisispatrick · 23/12/2018 22:18

He’s actually walked out over this? What a pathetic baby.

HollyandIvyarelivingitupagain · 23/12/2018 22:18

Can't believe you thought you were being unreasonable when it's him.

comedycentral · 23/12/2018 22:20

Your body is not a fucking gift to him! What a sleazy dirty git. Let him sulk!

Fashionista101 · 23/12/2018 22:21

Tbf for a 40th I would have thought of a nice surprise myself even if he said he didn't want anything

abbsisspartacus · 23/12/2018 22:22

Lock the door turn off your phone and catch up on your sleep

ItWentDownMyHeartHole · 23/12/2018 22:22

Bolt the door.

MrsJane · 23/12/2018 22:25

Sounds like you should've got him a dummy and rattle to go with his game!

ferntwist · 23/12/2018 22:26

YANBU. So selfish of him. You asked what he wanted and got it for him, offered to throw a party and he wasn’t interested, so instead you went for dinner & champagne. You’re not well and you’ve been up with your DC, rushing around getting Christmas ready and working full time! Unbelievable that he’s this angry with you and has actually walked out. Let him stew.

CatAnnoyance · 23/12/2018 22:26

Thanks everyone. I'm just really fucked off. We're not ones for big birthday celebrations, never have been in the 13 years we've been together. So when he said he wanted the Xbox game it didn't seem odd to me. We've never gone hog wild with gifts. We ask what the other person wants and we get it. Job done.

Can't believe he's walked out over it. I've come to bed. I feel like shit anyway, he's made my tension headache ten times bloody worse.

OP posts:
MustShowDH · 23/12/2018 22:26

This isn't about you, you've done nothing wrong. He's turned 40 and has shit going on in his head about getting older.
He'll get over it.
Go to bed and enjoy having the bed to yourself to watch a film or whatever.
You can talk about his reaction another time, just don't react to his sulk.

Belindabauer · 23/12/2018 22:26

I'd ask what he plans to wear for you.
I hate all this crap that women should wear impractical, uncomfortable underwear that does go with your clothes.
Men aren't expected to wear itchy, nylon, lacey stuff which rides up your arse and doeSn't cover your privates.
Oh no they can wear cotton full coverage boxers.

SimplySteve · 23/12/2018 22:28

Nothing for you to feel shit about. This is all about him I'm afraid. You shouldn't feel at all obligated to dress up for him on his birthday either. I wonder what else he was expecting, sexually, for his birthday if you had.

You should tell him he's acting like a petulant child who can't get his own way.

Don't wait up, tbh.

Insomnibrat · 23/12/2018 22:30

I agree entirely with @MustShowDH

It's just hit him that he's turned 40 and his delicate male ego needed massaging by you making a big show of how desirable and vital he still is.

Ugh. Men. Confused

bruise · 23/12/2018 22:31

Order some dummies and a rattle on Amazon, screenshot the order and send to him. "The rest of your present is on it's way"

NoShelfElf · 23/12/2018 22:31

He's disappointed. He's behaved like a dick. Get some sleep, I hope you feel better soon and have a lovely Christmas. Maybe make time for a chat about some sexy time fun (assuming you like it too!!). Enjoy the planning. Enjoy the doing. Send the little one away and have some fun!!

BottleOfJameson · 23/12/2018 22:32

Did you mistype his age as 40 instead of 14? I think he's grumpy about turning 40 and taking it out on you.

jessstan2 · 23/12/2018 22:32

He sounds very, very immature. I'd hate that sort of thing. Can't bear men who sulk either.

InspectorIkmen · 23/12/2018 22:33

What Belinda said. Yucky, sleazy and demeaning expectations from your childish and ungrateful partner. I'm not sure I'd want him back after that.

Returnofthesmileybar · 23/12/2018 22:35

Yanbu

Stick a note on the door
"I asked what you wanted, you told me and got it. As it was with your birthday gift my crystal ball is broken and I'm not sure if you'll be home or not so I have locked up. Come back when you can behave like a 40 year old"

happinessischocolate · 23/12/2018 22:36

I agree that the big 40 is hitting him hard, you were obviously together for his 30th birthday without him sulking so 40 is obviously affecting him more.

If he really wanted you buy Ann Summers shit why didn't he remind you when you repeatedly asked ?

RubyPreciousJewel · 23/12/2018 22:38

He is being ridiculous. As a PP said your body is not some toy to be used as a birthday treat. You are a human being, not a sex doll ffs.

SimplySteve · 23/12/2018 22:39

Did you mistype his age as 40 instead of 14

Being a bit generous there aren't we? 04 didn't you mean? ;)

posthistoricmonsters · 23/12/2018 22:39

I had an ex like this.

It's part of the reason I dumped him. The general r*pey vibe he had was awful, can't believe I spent 2.5 years with him either.

Get well soon, OP, and if he comes back I hope you don't have any bother but do get a huge apology from him.

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