DP left in a huff

[CatAnnoyance]

Am I going mad here or what?

DP is 40 today. For weeks I've been asking if he'd like a doo or a party or anything like that and he's said no, anything like that is his worst nightmare.

He did say he wanted a game for the Xbox. So I got him that. And tonight we went out for a nice meal with champagne etc.

I've been ill with a cold the last few days and can't seem to shake this tension headache. Probably as our DC (2) has been poorly too, and I've had to do the Christmas shop on my own whilst feeling like shit and also working full time. All of which has resulted in not many hours sleep the past week.

We get home from the restaurant tonight and he's sulky. I think maybe he's tired as he's been up with DC too the last few nights. Then out of nowhere he asks me if I've bought any sexy outfits for tonight?! I'm like what are you on about?

Apparently whilst shopping a couple of months ago we walked past Ann Summers and he said jokingly 'now that's what you can get me for my birthday' and I joked back the usual 'don't think it's suit you har-de-har'. Thought nowt more of it.

Until tonight. He'd thought I had this slutty surprise planned for him when we got home from dinner. When he realised I hadn't and even if I had I feel way too ill to even contemplate it, he said 'so the only thing you've got me for my 40th was a 25 quid game??' Proper incredulous. I'd been asking for months what he wanted and that's what he said.

Anyway he's walked out of the house. Dunno where he's gone. I'm in bed now on pins till he comes back. I just feel like shit now. Guilty that I only got him a game. Happy to be told IABU but it's pissed me off none the less.

Wow thanks everyone. Some great points here.

We woke up this morning and he gave a speech about how disappointed he was and because he always puts thought into my gifts he thought I'd do the same. Although he said he's chuffed with the game, the slutty outfit wouldn't have cost that much either so he's really, really put out that I didn't spend time arranging some birthday delight. I said sorry, I've been a bit busy working, shopping, having a poorly DC clinging onto me like a baby monkey, doing all the household chores, and being ill. All the while assuming I had bought you WHAT YOU FUCKING ASKED FOR. But whatever.

At this point I nearly hacked up a lung laughing/coughing because not once in 13 years has he bought me anything that I haven't asked for.

Oh apart from once. My first birthday as a mum, I didn't get a card or anything 'from' my DC who was only 1 at the time. Bear in mind that for his first birthday as a daddy in the December, I made him a personalised photo frame of pictures of him and DC and got him a 'daddy' card from DC.

But anyway. I got nothing. Wasn't too arsed tbh but would've liked a first birthday card from the little one. He was at work, I sent a text saying 'how rude! DC didn't get me a card, we mustn't be paying her enough pocket money!' A few jokey messages later and that was that.

Then he came home from work with a card and a weird ornament of a faceless woman holding a faceless baby when I saw the receipt, turns out he'd nipped to Clinton's on his dinner hour.

And he says I don't put thought into gifts, cheeky fucker.

But that, and the palaver yesterday are the only two times either of us have been a bit weird over gifts. As I said usually it just isn't a big deal. I mean he bought me a new keyboard and mouse for Valentine's Day one year. Cos it's what I asked for

Whoa that was long. Sorry.

He still sounds like a massive bellend, OP

What a baby.
I hope you have a nice Christmas op.
Make sure you sort yourself a d d's out.
I hope he's got you something wonderful for Christmas.

He definitely acted like a twat

If it was a woman on here saying their husband had got them a DVD for their 40th and taken them for dinner then everyone would be up in arms that he hadn't done something more special.

Bullshit! People's first question would be if they had financial issues and then if she told him what it was she wanted.

I wouldn't have apologised for not wrapping up my body is some slutty underwear I didn't want or found uncomfortable as a gift but I'm not married to a gaslighting dick who also expects me to do all the lifework whilst we both work FT.

He's still stropping and sulking, putting the blame on you that he's disappointed and expecting more than he puts out.

At this point I nearly hacked up a lung laughing/coughing because not once in 13 years has he bought me anything that I haven't asked for. I hoped you pointed this fact out to him once you stopped coughing.

Has he ever put on a slutty outfit for your birthday OP?

He's a massive nobhead. Some of the responses on this thread are If my husband ever requested that I dress up in skimpy nylons missing their crotch or nipple coverage then he'd be told to get over himself and grow the fuck up.

What a dickhead. Ugh. Sulky, tight, entitled. Unpleasant prick.

The worst part for me is that a 40 year old man wants a game for Xbox for his birthday

I’m laughing at a PP who suggested handcuffing him to the bed while going to slip on something more comfortable - pjs, a lemsip and bed on your own! Brilliant.

Bless him he's having a crisis, get him a (model) sports car.
Bay blonde, didn't you ask him where are they now?

It was about sex OP not gifts the fact that you did not put yourself out for his pleasure and he still is making you feel you should say sorry

Yeah you shouldn’t say sorry because he’s sulking that you didn’t dress up as he wished and be available to have sex on. When you have young DC and a cold and are exhausted from sorting Christmas. And bought him exactly what he asked for.

I hate that consent-averse shit: ‘but the man wants sex now and the woman should give it to him and if she doesn’t the man is ANGRY’.

That is using someone for sex and it’s not ok.

Imagine it the other way round.
I ask my wife of 13 years what she would like for her 40th birthday. She told me not to make a fuss and all she wanted was a game for her xbox. I bought her that and took her out for dinner and bought her champagne. TBh I could have gone straight to bed after working full time, being full of cold and looking after our young child. Plus she hasn't helped at all with the Christmas shopping or picked up any of the slack looking after our child.
Anyway when we got home she went mental. Shouting at me that I was a shit husband. Apparently several weeks ago we walked pass a shop which sells sex clothes for men and she made a comment about how I could buy some clothes and stuff from there for her birthday and dress up in them for her.
I thought she was joking but oh no, she meant it.
Now she has stormed off saying that she expected more from me, that I should have dressed up for her and been ready in bed waiting to please her sexually.
I'm so tired, I can't handle this right now. Aibu?

The gifts here aren't the issue. Not even if the Ann Summers suggestion if you are happy with it. The issue is his attitude.

Both your health AND you being just as into it as he is should be critical to him. That teamed with you feeling you have to do everything suggests this relationship serves him far more than you right now. And that's worth a serious conversation when you're up to it.

Masterandmargarita plenty of adults like Xbox.

He sounds like a massive twat. TBH, if mine did this, he'd be listening to the sound of his own voice for the rest of holidays.

I'm nice and chilled at my mums house now, I've come to collect DC. Hanging out here for a bit as I really CBA going home.

He came in earlier as I was getting ready and said "can we draw a line under my birthday now". So I said yes, gladly.

He feels that now he's let me know how disappointed he is in me, that he's said his piece and now we can move on.

Oh ffs. Buy him the most tacky male (or even female!) Slutty get up and tell him once he goes first then you'll return the favour. Dickhead.

I get he was a knob op but what he was trying to say, in a stifled idiotic way, is that he genuinely wanted a surprise for his 40th birthday and in his mind a nice surprise and someone to make an effort for him would've been a bit of spontanious 'fun'. He wanted to feel special.

I get that he shouldn't feel that way as you make an effort every day with everything else in life no doubt, wifework, mental load etc. But sometimes blokes forget that stuff as they dont have to do it so it's by the by.

I'd just call him an idiot and start offloading half the mental load to him so it's equal and he can see how much you do every day to keep things ticking over. Then next time maybe he wont be such a bloody muppet.