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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP left in a huff

123 replies

CatAnnoyance · 23/12/2018 22:13

Am I going mad here or what?

DP is 40 today. For weeks I've been asking if he'd like a doo or a party or anything like that and he's said no, anything like that is his worst nightmare.

He did say he wanted a game for the Xbox. So I got him that. And tonight we went out for a nice meal with champagne etc.

I've been ill with a cold the last few days and can't seem to shake this tension headache. Probably as our DC (2) has been poorly too, and I've had to do the Christmas shop on my own whilst feeling like shit and also working full time. All of which has resulted in not many hours sleep the past week.

We get home from the restaurant tonight and he's sulky. I think maybe he's tired as he's been up with DC too the last few nights. Then out of nowhere he asks me if I've bought any sexy outfits for tonight?! I'm like what are you on about?

Apparently whilst shopping a couple of months ago we walked past Ann Summers and he said jokingly 'now that's what you can get me for my birthday' and I joked back the usual 'don't think it's suit you har-de-har'. Thought nowt more of it.

Until tonight. He'd thought I had this slutty surprise planned for him when we got home from dinner. When he realised I hadn't and even if I had I feel way too ill to even contemplate it, he said 'so the only thing you've got me for my 40th was a 25 quid game??' Proper incredulous. I'd been asking for months what he wanted and that's what he said.

Anyway he's walked out of the house. Dunno where he's gone. I'm in bed now on pins till he comes back. I just feel like shit now. Guilty that I only got him a game. Happy to be told IABU but it's pissed me off none the less.

OP posts:
youarenotkiddingme · 23/12/2018 23:15

Simply I just put them round the wrong way 🤦🏼‍♀️

dorisdog · 23/12/2018 23:19

Best way to deal with sulking is to completey ignore it. Don't reward bad behaviour -I learned that on a dog training course. I would never want to be with someone who expected me to wear uncomfortable, overpriced Ann summers underwear, but wouldn't judge anyone else for wearing it! But you should only wear it if you want to, imo, and if it makes you feel good too. You're not a sex doll!!

RomanyRoots · 23/12/2018 23:21

I understood when you said he asked for an x box game for his 40th Birthday, he's a grown up baby, eww
Tell him that it's not attractive.

EchoCardioGran · 23/12/2018 23:22

Suggest that he tries a bit of bondage. Tie him up in the spare room, hand cuff him to the bed, and say that you are going to slip into something more comfortable.
Put your comfy pjs on, have a lemsip and leave him there all night. Grin

Alternatively, perhaps it is time to move on from this man child, you deserve better than this.

elessar · 23/12/2018 23:24

Well although I think his reaction is definitely unreasonable and way over the top, and his expectation of sexy lingerie is tasteless - I do personally think just an Xbox game for a 40th is a bit mean.

You say that's par for the course for you with birthdays so maybe not, and if he only goes to a similar effort and spend for you then it's totally fair. But personally I would want to do something a bit more special and personal for the other person even if they said not to bother - not necessarily a party but maybe a nice weekend away together or tickets to something they enjoy.

dementedpixie · 23/12/2018 23:35

They've been out for a meal with champagne too so have celebrated the birthday. It want just the Xbox game

Mummyshark2018 · 23/12/2018 23:36

Why did you not talk to him? Now you're the one sulking. Tbf most people say I don't want a party/ fuss etc for a big birthday but really they do. I know how hard it is to but for men (especially when they have everything- like mine!), but a little bit of imagination probably would have been appreciated- a weekend away/ ticket for a show/ concert. I would be very annoyed if all I got was a cd/ video game for my 40th- unless money was an issue and that was all that could be afforded. Imo you need to apologise and offer to do something special.

dementedpixie · 23/12/2018 23:38

They went out for dinner! I wouldn't apologise

WilburforceRaven · 23/12/2018 23:41

Why did you not talk to him?

Because he walked out.

Imo you need to apologise and offer to do something special.

Yeah, indulge a sulky adult who doesn't say what he means so instead expects you to be a mind reader and not act like an adult and respond truthfully when asked what they want. Hmm FFS

EchoCardioGran · 23/12/2018 23:42

A champagne dinner IS special.
The OP has nothing to apologise for. Why is she supposed to put on a sex show?

Mummyshark2018 · 23/12/2018 23:43

Is going out for dinner special, depends how unusual it is. We go out for dinner usually twice a week as a family and then at lest twice per month as a couple. I would hope for a better than usual restaurant experience for my 40th

Dullardmullard · 23/12/2018 23:43

and expecting ann summers gear and her as a gift is sleazy

Mummyshark2018 · 23/12/2018 23:44

To clarify the sex bit I would've told him to beat it!

WilburforceRaven · 23/12/2018 23:44

Tbf most people say I don't want a party/ fuss etc for a big birthday but really they do. I know how hard it is to but for men (especially when they have everything- like mine!), but a little bit of imagination probably would have been appreciated- a weekend away/ ticket for a show/ concert

What kind of adult behaves like this? I'd hate to have to live with someone who didn't communicate openly when asked and expected everyone to read their minds. Some people really don't want a fuss and hate surprises of any sort and don't see the big deal about these so-called 'big' birthdays.

RCohle · 23/12/2018 23:45

He is behaving like a total child.

However if I'm being totally totally honest, I would expect a bit more fuss over a 40th. That doesn't justify him being a dick about it though and he had the opportunity to tell you what he wanted.

Mummyshark2018 · 23/12/2018 23:46

@WilburforceRaven
Op said in an updated post that he came into bedroom and asked to speak to her and she refused.... then he walked out.

Mummyshark2018 · 23/12/2018 23:49

@WilburforceRaven
Fair Enough then perhaps op doesn't know her DH as much as she thinks. I know when my DH means 'I don't want you to go to any trouble' as opposed to 'I'd be mortified if you threw a 40th party for me'. You don't need to be a mind reader but sometimes you have to read between the lines

WilburforceRaven · 23/12/2018 23:52

Op said in an updated post that he came into bedroom and asked to speak to her and she refused.... then he walked out.

Because she was ill in bed! She was supposed to pander to him further when he woke her knowing she is ill after he stormed out because she didn't wrap herself up in lingerie she doesn't want? Hmm

BottleOfJameson · 23/12/2018 23:55

Tbf most people say I don't want a party/ fuss etc for a big birthday but really they do.

I say I don't want a big fuss and I most definitely don't. If DH organised a big surprise party for my 40th I'd die of embarrassment and absolutely hate every second (because I personally wouldn't like it - I obviously have nothing against anyone else having a big party for their 40th!). I can't be the only one who is genuine when I say this!

BlancheM · 23/12/2018 23:57

There's always one to tie themselves up in knots to explain away pathetic behaviour in men.
Mummy, do you always have champagne on your 10-a-month meals out or is that too unremarkable?

SimplySteve · 23/12/2018 23:57

This is emotional abuse. Narcissistic behaviour, sulking like a child when he doesn't get sex... alarm bells are ringing beryls loud here

Exactly my thought @itsalmostfriday.

Mummyshark2018 · 23/12/2018 23:57

@WilburforceRaven
op said she was falling asleep. Fair enough if she doesn't want to speak to him but then she shouldn't be hypocritical by saying he was sulking when she's doing the same- cold or no cold. She did go for a champagne meal so may not have been 100% but I'm sure could have mustered a few words on another persons big birthday.

WilburforceRaven · 24/12/2018 00:02

Mummy she was bloody ill in bed with her eye mask on and said 'I'm in bed and I had my eye mask on (to help with the headache) and he walked in the bedroom and nudged me awake.' He saw her lain in bed with a mask on a 'nudged her awake' but you think she's a hypocrite for not pandering to him? Mind.blown.

EchoCardioGran · 24/12/2018 00:06

There's always one to tie themselves up in knots to explain away pathetic behaviour in men.

They always get a bit too over invested in insisting the OP apologises to her "man".
Can't think why BlancheMXmas Hmm

Mummyshark2018 · 24/12/2018 00:09

@BottleOfJameson
That's why I said that if you were with someone for more than a decade you should have a good handle on birthday expectations and a good idea of what your partner might like/ expect. No right or wrong.

And no I'm not a champagne drinker, more g&t which I have regularly so nothing much to upgrade it to.

Anyways op asked if Aibu and I'm just giving another perspective.

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