DP left in a huff

[CatAnnoyance]

Am I going mad here or what?

DP is 40 today. For weeks I've been asking if he'd like a doo or a party or anything like that and he's said no, anything like that is his worst nightmare.

He did say he wanted a game for the Xbox. So I got him that. And tonight we went out for a nice meal with champagne etc.

I've been ill with a cold the last few days and can't seem to shake this tension headache. Probably as our DC (2) has been poorly too, and I've had to do the Christmas shop on my own whilst feeling like shit and also working full time. All of which has resulted in not many hours sleep the past week.

We get home from the restaurant tonight and he's sulky. I think maybe he's tired as he's been up with DC too the last few nights. Then out of nowhere he asks me if I've bought any sexy outfits for tonight?! I'm like what are you on about?

Apparently whilst shopping a couple of months ago we walked past Ann Summers and he said jokingly 'now that's what you can get me for my birthday' and I joked back the usual 'don't think it's suit you har-de-har'. Thought nowt more of it.

Until tonight. He'd thought I had this slutty surprise planned for him when we got home from dinner. When he realised I hadn't and even if I had I feel way too ill to even contemplate it, he said 'so the only thing you've got me for my 40th was a 25 quid game??' Proper incredulous. I'd been asking for months what he wanted and that's what he said.

Anyway he's walked out of the house. Dunno where he's gone. I'm in bed now on pins till he comes back. I just feel like shit now. Guilty that I only got him a game. Happy to be told IABU but it's pissed me off none the less.

Urgh he sounds repulsive.
Hinting for you to dress up for his sexual benefit then moaning / sulking when you don’t is also repulsive AF. It’s a shame you couldn’t lock him out.

You should probably wait till the morning to bollock him.....or you will be adding fuel to the fire. I can't believe he stomped out because he thought you had 'plans' for him ....even though you are ill and he knows it? Sounds very childish and a bit of a dick......go to sleep and in the morning rip him a new one.....something for you to look forward to lol

Why does everyone find it so awful that a husband might enjoy having sex with his wife on his birthday?? I don't think I'd be happy with a dinner out and a game for my 40th either. Your 40th is supposed to be special and I'd hope to be taken away. If it was a woman on here saying their husband had got them a DVD for their 40th and taken them for dinner then everyone would be up in arms that he hadn't done something more special. Sorry but I don't find it sleazy or in poor taste that he would want her to wear some nice underwear for him.

I cannot believe some posters using this as an excuse to boast about how many times they go out to dinner..looking at you Mummyshark. If the OP is tired and ill it is in VERY poor taste for her to 'service' her bloke whatever day it is. This isn't the 1950s. OP, leave him to stew, get rest and explain your pov in morning.

SB she bought him exactly what he asked for.

SB1013 it’s not awful to want sex on your birthday, it’s the expectation of ‘dressing up’ for it then the sulk and leaving the house when it didn’t happen. IMO it’s about the Op’s right not to be treated as an object of gratification and then punished when it doesn’t happen.

Be careful what you wish for you might just get it

Some strange people out tonight who can't read an opening post.
For weeks I've been asking if he'd like a doo or a party or anything like that and he's said no, anything like that is his worst nightmare
Clear enough?
The OP is sick, she is exhausted from working full time and child care, and he wants a floor show and shag?
He sounds a right charmer.

He was unreasonable, but he’s come back in and wanted to talk it out. You’re willing to sleep on an argument rather than work together to solve it.......... not ideal.

All this tit-for-tat is not helpful in a relationship.

And I’ve never understood women who think their husbands/partners are perverts for wanting to see them in provocative underwear. Sex between two loving partners is a wonderful thing. I’ve always wanted to give sexual pleasure to my partner on their birthday, as I think it is of far greater value than any shop brought gift can be, as it’s priceless and unique between the two of you.
Good sex is a mutually enjoyable experience. Sometimes I will give my partner a blowjob and expect nothing in return, simply for the pleasure of giving pleasure to the one I love. Equally, he will often go down on me and then be happy to sleep, knowing I’ve had a fab time.
I think when you are constantly weighing up who has ‘spent’ more in sexual favours and withholding or offering sex as a bargaining tool or reward/punishment you are simply and quickly destroying your relationship.
Sex is a wonderful thing to explore, enjoy and indulge in. Not a stick to beat someone with.

1 Ann Summers is NOT nice underwear.
2 Yes, there's the expectation of sex on a birthday but any decent person would take into account their partner being ill.

Good sex is a mutually enjoyable experience.

Agreed. Great sex also includes the mental experience and requires fabulous communication, true anytime.

I don't need a woman to dress up for me, anytime, to have sex that blows my mind. I do need amazing communication though.

What I'm saying is that if a woman wishes, at her own behest, to dress up - regardless of time of year - that is her prerogative. If she wishes to discuss it with her partner, as part of their relationship, same. You can bring sex toys, indeed any part of the sexual repertoire under the communicable umbrella.

Assuming that your woman will donate her, scantily-clad, body to you as part of your birthday is laughable and worrying.

I'm sorry but has he turned 40 or 4? Let him have his sulk, the ungrateful git!

3 Decent people don't disturb their ill partner when they're trying to sleep in order to continue an argument.

He's disappointed, clearly since he mentioned the "That's what you can do for my birthday" he honestly thought it was the plan. He thought you knew he was serious, you thought it was a joke and thought no more of it, its a misunderstanding.
He's built it up in his mind, getting all excited, for it to not materialise. Yes, he's sulking like a child, and walking out isn't on, but i can see why he's feeling let down.

Nobody here but you knows what your sex life is like, and if dressing up is a yes/no for you personally, or something you've done or discussed previously, but it seems he was under the impression you knew it was something he would like and he thought "big birthday, surprise".

Probably not best to refer to dressing up as slutty though, it really isn't "slutty" its just something some people enjoy, slutty gives the impression its dirtywrong.

From the OP though, seems this is an ongoing jokey-thing. Plus he'd obviously know she wasn't well!

"Apparently whilst shopping a couple of months ago we walked past Ann Summers and he said jokingly 'now that's what you can get me for my birthday' and I joked back the usual 'don't think it's suit you har-de-har'. Thought nowt more of it. "

Gross.

Why did you do all the Christmas shopping yourself?

And you say he gaslights you.

He isn't sounding great op.

Ok when you speak to him tell him for your birthday you want him to make more effort in the looks department. Suggest he starts now on teeth whitening and maybe a brace. Then I hope he has a full head of hair, if not gather leaflets about hair transplants and tell him to get booked in.I
Next show him pictures of male underwear, preferably ones with open backsides, I've seen them in Soho suggest he wears this for you so you can get worked up to Have sex with him. If he looks at all confused, upset , the nd him that this is how he treats you, like a sex toy.

Mummy 10+ meals out a month plus extra special ones for everyone’s birthday? That must be £500 a month on eating out minimum, probably more?

I'd be pissed off with a computer game for my birthday, any birthday, zero thought there and it would show me exactly what you think of me, nothing!

Ann summers he can fuck off.

I suppose he should be very grateful you got out of bed to drink champagne and eat a fancy meal when you were too ill to even talk.

You both sound tired

Yeah, sexually violate him without lube. That'll show 'im

There are some real handmaidens on this thread. The OP has done absolutely nothing wrong, other than marrying a sexually-entitled sulky teenager and daring to be ill, having organised Christmas solo while working FT.

My ex was like this. Would tell me how his exes used to have a ex with him twice a day everyday, that is what he was accustomed to so I should try harder to accommodate this

Pa ha ha ha.... oh my, I'm only three months post split but I am I glad to see that back it

OP you may very well be happy to manage him the way you do, but I would be seriously considering if this is a future. Can you see yourself with this man until the end?

*have sex