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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have just sent this text

58 replies

Monty27 · 23/12/2018 02:20

My ds was 23 last week.
I know it hurts him.
His df, my xdh for 21 years has bought hself a farmhouse in France and more or less is domiciled there, coming back to this country from time to time to sort stuff out and show his face to his elderly relatives.
How the hell is a df so casual about parenthood?

OP posts:
user1473878824 · 23/12/2018 02:21

......what?

Doyoumind · 23/12/2018 02:22

Eh?

Original poster
Monty27 · 23/12/2018 02:22

We have been separated and then divorced for 21 years. Just for clarity
I hurt for ds and DD who is 25

OP posts:
Redglitter · 23/12/2018 02:23

Youve lost me.... what text did yiu send

Original poster
Monty27 · 23/12/2018 02:24

Any clearer? Blush

OP posts:
Batiste · 23/12/2018 02:24

Bet your DS is going to be really pleased you texted on his behalf :)

Lovingbenidorm · 23/12/2018 02:25

So your 23 yo son is hurt by the fact that his father lives in France?

Original poster
Monty27 · 23/12/2018 02:25

I understand you are spending Christmas in France. No cards for Christmas and nothing for your son's 23rd birthday. What sort of am asshole are you.
You selfish low life bastard.
I have no other words

OP posts:
Doyoumind · 23/12/2018 02:25

We can't say if YABU as we don't know what the text was.

ElizabethMainwaring · 23/12/2018 02:25

'Just for clarity' ! You need to be clearer than that op!

curiousierandcouriser · 23/12/2018 02:26

What text did you send?

Unfortunately, you can't force your EXH to spend time with his adult son. If your DS is missing his father, suggest spending some time over at his house during a holiday?

Doyoumind · 23/12/2018 02:26

There's post on Monday.

Fattymcfaterson · 23/12/2018 02:26

Sorry what??
When did he move to france?
The kids re in their 20's!! Hardly every other weekend territory?!

SD1978 · 23/12/2018 02:28

So he's been absent for 20 years. I'm surprised he still has your number and vice versa. You can't force someone to parent. Just concentrate on your own parenting and then knowing that it's not their fault.

DioneTheDiabolist · 23/12/2018 02:28

Well that was clear OP.Xmas Grin YANBU at all.Flowers

Original poster
Monty27 · 23/12/2018 02:30

That's the text I sent. Sorry I hope you can bear with me
I feel a bit ashamed of the text as it's sweary. But I am so hurt for DC's

OP posts:
curiousierandcouriser · 23/12/2018 02:30

I understand you are spending Christmas in France. No cards for Christmas and nothing for your son's 23rd birthday. What sort of am asshole are you.
You selfish low life bastard.
I have no other words

Well I understand what you are feeling, but you can't force someone to be a good father. FWIW my parents divorced and I still get birthday cards (though we don't send Christmas cards).

YANBU to text your frustrations to your EXH, but I wouldn't expect any change.

user1473878824 · 23/12/2018 02:31

So three posts in you actually post the text. Well, yeah. You are being unreasonable. And now your son is 25? Were you as drunk as you were when you posted this when you sent the text?

Fattymcfaterson · 23/12/2018 02:34

Were you as drunk as you were when you posted this when you sent the text?

Says the person who can't read that DD is 25 and DD is 23

user1473878824 · 23/12/2018 02:34

You’ve been divorced for over two decades. Your son is an adult. You’re allowed to be upset for him but texting his dad abuse after 21 years of divorce is just... leave it.

user1473878824 · 23/12/2018 02:34

@Fattymcfaterson point taken

Original poster
Monty27 · 23/12/2018 02:35

He only bought the place in France a couple of years ago. Before that he lived locally. And he wasn't great then. I don't understand how someone can be such a crap parent

OP posts:
user1473878824 · 23/12/2018 02:37

OP, it’s shit. My dad is shit. He moved to Spain when I was 16 without telling me. But nothing you will do will change that.

jessstan2 · 23/12/2018 02:38

I can understand how the op feels. I imagine she is used to her ex not being available for his children all these years but birthdays and Christmas bring it home forcefully.

Flowers for you op, another day tomorrow.

BumbleBeee69 · 23/12/2018 02:40

Was the house in France a trigger OP?