To think you can be fat and happy and have no need to lose any weight

[nickiredcar]

My friend is a secretary, she met her boyfriend at school amd has been with him almost ten years. They own their own home, regular holidays and have a land rover - all they want.

She is one of the happiest people I know. However she's annoyed that several people have suggested she should loose weight. She's classified as morbidly obese and is her mid 20s. No health conditions but she does breath very heavily.

She says that everytime she goes on a diet she's misserable so would rather just be happy and eat what she wants.

So really aibu to think how she is is probably the best for her? And people meaning well shouldn't say anything.

If she decides to have children she'll have high risk pregnancies.

She is shortening her lifespan.

It's very rare to be that fat and avoid all health problems.

UserMe18 - simplistic and ignorant? As opposed to your ‘some people eat more’ argument?

First thing to go will be her knees, possibly needing knee replacements later on. Then will be her back and hips and not long before it's her heart.
That's if she's lucky, if not she'll have diabetes and risk the loss of limbs and quality of life.
Yes she's happy now, she wont be in a few short years.
I work doing rehab with people with health problems, 90% of the problems I see are caused by weight alone. If only people knew.

@bliss

It has nothing to do with morality and EVERYTHING to do with ‘choices’ making my partners career both hazardous and a million times harder than it needs to be!

• I used to be fat btw, as a teen I was morbidly obsese having learnt very bad eating habits but ‘shockingly’ as an adult I discovered that I actually had control over what I put in my mouth and my health.

People on here quoting facts and figures about how ‘sustainable’ weight loss is completely pointless...

‘0.8% of people maintain long term weight loss’

• e.g ‘99.2% of overweight people have self control issues and can’t stick to healthy eating- which is probably why they were overweight in the first place.

Fat people talk about weight as though it’s some mysterious magical lottery 🙄 and having been large myself I know it doesn’t feel healthy! ‘I’m happy being fat’ is just a mantra of those who don’t want to admit they have no self control!

Since being morbidly obese means you are so grossly obese that you cannot perform normal daily functions like breathing and walking without difficulty and are at a massively increased risk of dying a painful and youthful death, no I do not think she is right. She is eating so massively in excess of what her body can cope with in the long term that she is literally eating herself to death if she continues like this. When she is finally forced to face that reality, I don't think she will be happy about it.

If she was actually happy, she wouldn’t have stuffed her face to the extent she was morbidly obese, would she?

No one thinks ‘oooooh you know what, now I’ve got the man, the job and the house - I think I’ll get obese’.

I’m 30, I’m 18 stone but only eat twice a day.... work that one out.... I’m on lifelong medication that has side affect of losing weight. Luckily I stay at a steady weight due to the exercise I do everyday. It may not be enough but it works in terms of kids, work, housework.
It’s no ones else business but hers, people that fat shame are bang out of order but if someone maybe explains the risks she is taking in a more helpful manner she might take it in a bit better and start to work it out.

*gaining not losing 😬😬

It isn’t the best for her. If she doesn’t have health problems now, she will in the future.

How do you know she is morbidly obese? Did she tell you? If she’s bringing that up in conversation, it’s fair enough to say you’re very concerned for her health (if you aren’t, you should be). Random people telling her to lose weight won’t help at all.

FWIW, the reason people do notice and judge weight is because it is proven to be 'catching' in society.

Part of the reason for the obesity epidemic is the fact that obesity is so common nowadays it is becoming more normalised.

We all have a responsibility to each other to maintain society's weight at a normal level; it isn't just an individual thing.

If it were confined to the individual's appearance, then I think most people would be far less judgemental - unfortunately it goes far deeper than that.

She probably does need to come to the conclusion that she should lose weight herself before she loses weight. It's hard if you are happy and can put up with the discomfort. She may be forced into the decision or just get more and more immobile as she gets older and get fed up of it. Being morbidly obese and 20 is vastly different from being morbidly obese at 30+

Statistically her life will be shorter and more painful than if she were lighter. Up to her if that bothers her, but I'd be surprised if it hasn't crossed her mind.

You can be fat and happy.
But morbidly obese and healthy, nope. It will catch up with her.
She should lose weight.

If she was my daughter I’d be extremely worried and desperate for her to lose weight so on that basis, although this particular person is a stranger, I’d have to say YABU. It’s critical, literally that she loses weight, for her future survival. Great that she’s a happy person, it’s important that her happiness is not tied to her weight of food. Hopefully she can be a happy healthier person. And live longer with less pain than she’s storing up for herself.

@worraliberty it wasn't a misunderstanding! I'm saying if we all agree that it is perfectly possible to have a breathing problem, but be happy - then my logic is, it is perfectly possible for a 'fat' person to have a "self-inflicted" breathing problem and be happy.

I just think it's so wrong to look over at someone's else life and say 'well there's no way they can be happy'. Society treats 'fat' people like second-class citizens, like they're children who can't be trusted to make their own decisions. I just don't think it's anyone's place to say that just because you wouldn't be happy in their circumstances, it's not feasible that they're happy

theone that's quite some mental gymnastics you're doing there!

selkie unless you're about 3' tall, 9 stone 3 isn't morbidly obese.

@Bliss3333 yes, you are being simplistic and ignorant, are you really telling me the majority of overweight people are not so due to their own choices? Really? Thin people are thin because they got magic DNA? I'm not fat because I don't eat too much, it's nothing to do with "body chemistry" I've been the top end of a healthy bmi, I can put weight on, I recognised that and got it back down, it was over eating that got me up there and for the majority of people that is the case. (Yes not everyone, but let's stop dancing around the fact obesity is largely a lifestyle problem in the majority of cases).

This is where men and women differ.

It's fairly commonplace for a bloke to say "you're looking a bit fat, mate."

She knows it's not good for her, just like drinkers and smokers do.
Yes it will make problems later, but scare mongering about not living till 30 are ridiculous. I know several very large ladies in their 60s. They haven't got diabetes or heart disease. They may not make 100, but are not all going to die in the next 5minutes

“Ffs she sounds young”

Most youngsters are never skinnier or fitter than they will be when they are young. For the majority of people if you are obese when young you will just get fatter until your early death.

We'll have to agree to disagree then theonetowalkinthesun

Because I'd bet everything I own that if a morbidly obese person could click their fingers right now and become slim and healthy, they'd do it in a heartbeat.

But obviously that's not possible. The only way is long hard slog and when people aren't able to face that (understandably), they'll convince themselves they're happy, when in reality they've just accepted that they're unable to change.

Its perfectly possible to be both happy and morbidly obese. But its not healthy. I say this as someone who was heading towards morbidly obese for years and it took my already dodgy back to finally give in to lose weight. I'm far happier now because the pain isn't bad not constant. In my 20s I thought I was perfectly fine though, enjoying life. It impacts you later. If her breathing isn't down to another illness then it is likely its impacting her now though. If you're worried about her happiness then best leave her to realise it herself, if you're worried about her health its a different matter.

Can you be fat and happy? Yes.

Can you be fat and happy and have no need to lose any weight? No.

If you are obese you need to lose weight. Not on a social or aesthetic level but on a medical level.

I was 17.5 stone and happy but everyday life was a struggle. I don’t think you can be happy about being massively overweight.