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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you can be fat and happy and have no need to lose any weight

158 replies

nickiredcar · 21/12/2018 22:00

My friend is a secretary, she met her boyfriend at school amd has been with him almost ten years. They own their own home, regular holidays and have a land rover - all they want.

She is one of the happiest people I know. However she's annoyed that several people have suggested she should loose weight. She's classified as morbidly obese and is her mid 20s. No health conditions but she does breath very heavily.

She says that everytime she goes on a diet she's misserable so would rather just be happy and eat what she wants.

So really aibu to think how she is is probably the best for her? And people meaning well shouldn't say anything.

OP posts:
RedDwarves · 21/12/2018 22:20

It's not going to kill her and most likely she'll decide on her own to lose weight.

Statistically incorrect on both counts.

selkiesolstice · 21/12/2018 22:20

It depends, I think I'm happier now at 9 stone 5 ish than I was living on fresh air weighing 8 stone 10 but getting a kick out of being slim. it iddn't compensate and I think I've prioritised 'growth' and self development this last year that I haven't been so focused on my weight.

HOWEVER, I think there is a point where you have to ask yourself why you're over feeding yourself? There is a suppressed reason. Something you haven't dealt with .... It'd be better to deal with that.

OrigamiZoo · 21/12/2018 22:21

It is called morbidly obese for a reason.

WorraLiberty · 21/12/2018 22:21

It's not going to kill her

And you know this how exactly? Confused

UserMe18 · 21/12/2018 22:22

@selkiesolstice how tall are you out of interest? 9st5 is what I am now and 8st10 is what I'm aiming for after Christmas, so I'm just curious!

KnightlyMyMan · 21/12/2018 22:22

It’s all well and good saying ‘it’s no one’s business but hers how large she is’

I’ll tell my partner that next time he limps home having put his back out (AGAIN) trying to shift morbidly obsese patients around the hospital shall I? Awesome!

  • well they should put more staff in theatres with morbidly obsese people!

🤔 So it IS the NHS’s problem isn’t it? As they have to make extra provision out of the already overstretched funding

selkiesolstice · 21/12/2018 22:26

I'm only 5'1 so feeling a bit plump atm. I'm in the fat clothes. I felt I looked great at 8 stone 10 but it was a lot of work to be fair. I did work outs as well. I've really really relaxed the effort in the last year. I got a new job and I wanted to give it 100% and not worry if my sandwich had too much mayonnaise in it. But now my head is in a good place and I'm permanent in my job I want to try and lose a few pounds. I don't think I'll ever see 8 stone 10 again though because that was a job!

Junkmail · 21/12/2018 22:27

There’s a massive difference between being classed as overweight or even obese to being morbidly obese. It’s a really massive health risk and is itself a symptom of metabolic syndrome. I’d be very concerned if I had a friend who was only in her twenties and was morbidly obese becasue she’s setting herself up for a lifetime of ill health. She may be fine now but I guarantee she won’t be in the future. There’s nothing wrong with accepting your body will never be a size 8 and being happy in your skin in the overweight “category” but that’s poles apart from endangering your health with morbid obesity.

BlueJay1 · 21/12/2018 22:27

Hmm not sure on this one.
There will be health consequences of being morbidly obese, even if they haven't shown themselves yet.
Nice that she's happy 😊 don't believe she's healthy.

TheTroublesomestTribble · 21/12/2018 22:28

Morbid obesity is a health problem in itself though. It is already causing additional stress on every system in her body.

If she ever has an accident and requires surgery, her chances of survival are very severely limited.

Any form of fat soluble drug administered in an emergency situation (esp blood thinners) have the potential to kill her there and then - it becomes impossible to judge correct dosage.

Its a huge risk that she's taking, and tbh it sounds like she's hugely in denial.

theonetowalkinthesun · 21/12/2018 22:29

Contrary to quite a few other posters I think, but if you are happy with who you are and comfortable with your weight (i.e. it doesn't upset you), and find losing weight to be a miserable thing that you actually don't want to do and you'd rather stay 'fat', then yes I do believe it is better for you to be fat all your life and happy, than spending your whole life trying to lose the weight, not quite managing it, losing some, putting it back on, and as a result of all that, generally hating yourself. Even if that is 10 years less of life! I genuinely believe that. If she/anyone changed their mind- no longer happy with being 'fat', and do want to lose weight to see if it might help their arthritis for example, then it's absolutely their pregorative to change their mind. But ridiculous to bully people into it. Let people do what they want to do- as long as their choice is informed, leave people be.

theonetowalkinthesun · 21/12/2018 22:29

In short, I agree with you Op

italiancortado · 21/12/2018 22:31

Yes you can be fat and happy. You can't be fat and healthy though.

WorraLiberty · 21/12/2018 22:32

She's probably fat and 'comfortable' rather than 'happy'.

I only say that because she's only mid 20s and has breathing problems already.

No-one's going to be happy about that surely?

Bliss3333 · 21/12/2018 22:32

Dear thin people: mind your own f’ing business. Did you know that less than 0.8% of people maintain long term weight loss? Did you know than reducing your body weight by 3% reduces your metabolism by a whopping 17%?
People who are fat know they are fat. And they know the reality of trying to lose weight. Your condescension and disdain is because you assign morality to weight. You think you are better than someone overweight because you believe that you make better choices. But you just have more forgiving body chemistry.
Concern trolling is obnoxious.

UserMe18 · 21/12/2018 22:34

@selkiesolstice I lost 2 stone to get to 9st5, I've struggled to lose anymore as I've found this is quite easy to maintain eating what I want, I will try losing a bit more in the new year when there's less around to tempt me, but if it's too much effort or work to maintain I'll happily stay at 9st5!

UserMe18 · 21/12/2018 22:37

@Bliss3333 more forgiving body chemistry? I think that's a bit simplistic and ignorant, yes some people have faster metabolisms, but some people do just over eat. Obesity isn't naturally occurring (in most people) there's a reason it's on the rise.

Wincarnis · 21/12/2018 22:37

Each to their own, but she will eventually get arthritis in her knees. Plus very likely to have high blood pressure and possibly heart disease.

theonetowalkinthesun · 21/12/2018 22:38

@worraliberty I disagree with you on that for sure, ther e are plenty of people with breathing problems in the world, who are also able to describe themselves as happy, it's not mutually exclusive. And being fat and being happy aren't mutually exclusive either!

OhJustElfOff · 21/12/2018 22:41

Well I have always been a healthy weight until about three months ago when I began emotionally eating due to difficult personal circumstances, I'm now 5'1 and almost 10 stone, clothes don't look good on me and my energy levels have gone down, looking bad has added to my feeling down and I refuse to believe that being unhealthy can allow people to be truly happy. Part of this is societies expectations to look good, but mostly I genuinely feel bad in myself due to less healthy eating. she's kidding herself

bobstersmum · 21/12/2018 22:41

If she's genuinely happy then that's her choice it's her life. Why should anyone think it's OK to force their views on anyone else? I got fat years ago, I hated myself I definitely wasn't fat and happy, I spent all my time trying to hide my weight. But some people are happy to be big. I personally think it's rude to comment on anyone else's appearance.

WorraLiberty · 21/12/2018 22:45

@worraliberty I disagree with you on that for sure, ther e are plenty of people with breathing problems in the world, who are also able to describe themselves as happy, it's not mutually exclusive. And being fat and being happy aren't mutually exclusive either!

Wow that's quite a misunderstanding there Grin

ther e are plenty of people with breathing problems in the world, who are also able to describe themselves as happy

Yes I'm sure but if their morbid obesity is what's causing their breathing problems, particularly at such a young age, I very much doubt they're 'fat and happy', IYSWIM?

Sorry, should've made my post a bit clearer.

FlashByReputation · 21/12/2018 22:45

A more forgiving body chemistry? What guff. You do realise those with the largest mass have the highest metabolism don't you? Mass being lots of muscle or obese. As the mass increases so does the metabolism. Just wanted to debunk the classic "slow metabolism" myth.

WilburforceRaven · 21/12/2018 22:46

It's her life! One reason why I made sure never to get too fat is because when you lose it then you have all that horrible loose skin.

itsbetterthanabox · 21/12/2018 22:47

@WilburforceRaven
Apparently fat people can never win then.
They lose weight and you still think they deserve body shaming

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