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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Getting accused of things by bf

125 replies

Puptup123 · 21/12/2018 08:25

apologise for long thread
My BF and I have been together for 2 1/2 years and we are 20 so work part time whilst studying. We have the same job as this is were we met. He accuses me 24/7 of flirting with other people I don’t even talk to (no exaggeration) even when he’s off I get abusive messages calling me a disgrace and a whore/tramp. It is my fault when someone looks at me also and he argues 24/7. I know in my head I don’t flirt with people or even talk to them. It’s getting to the point I have to walk with my head down so no one says hello to me just so he isn’t mad at me. But even still he will be for some reason and I believe I am going crazy. He says I look a mess in my work clothes because they are tight, I crave attention, or I look like a whore l. (I work in McDonald’s so have to wear a uniform). If I put some make up on and have my hair down and nice he would be in a bad mood that day. He even said if I got raped it would be my fault basically and I want it🤢.

I am a student nurse and I just feel I can’t cope with the stress anymore. We try to talk about it but when I make valid points he will block my number or hang up on me? But will call me back to scream more when he’s ready. I just feel lost and trapped. My parents hate him but I just can’t seem to let go.

Anyone able to give me advice on what to do/say? I’m going crazy

OP posts:

Squatternutbosh123 · 21/12/2018 08:27

Yeah, dump him

LuxuryWoman2018 · 21/12/2018 08:27

What to say? Goodbye and never contact me again comes to mind.

Dump him, nobody needs this wankery in their life.

HoneysuckIejasmine · 21/12/2018 08:28

Oh my god, leave him. You are already modifying your behaviour to please him. Christ, what's that going to escalate too.

It sounds like our parents will help you, so talk to them asap and dump him.

BunsOfAnarchy · 21/12/2018 08:28

You need to leave this disgusting person asap.
He is gaslighting you.
He is emotionally abusing you.
This WILL end badly if you allow it to carry on.

I think some MNers will give you advice on freedom programme etc. Please seek support.

Good luck xx

Coffeeisnecessary · 21/12/2018 08:28

I know this is easier said than done but you need to leave him, he is abusive and will not get better. Please find the strength to get away now, you deserve so much better.

sackrifice · 21/12/2018 08:28

Freedom programme.

or read 'why does he do that'...

You are in an abusive relationship.

My advice, get out of it and make sure you don't get right back into another one.

Bambamber · 21/12/2018 08:29

If you had a daughter and your daughter told you this, what would you say?

ForTheLoveOfDoughnuts · 21/12/2018 08:30

Leave him. From someone who has been there, don't waste your time with someone who treats you so badly.

AnyFucker · 21/12/2018 08:30

Get rid. He is abusive.

Loopytiles · 21/12/2018 08:30

He is abusive. Please end the relationship and before dating again read up on abuse.

CowesTwo · 21/12/2018 08:31

Read your own post. Does that sound like acceptable behaviour from someone who is meant to be your boyfriend? He sounds like an obnoxious idiot, and abusive as well. What will it be like when you qualify and your patients are men? Dump him. He’s horrible.

MrsExpo · 21/12/2018 08:31

You are being systematically emotionally abused by this moron.

Dump him and block all contact.

Soubriquet · 21/12/2018 08:31

Holy crap

Leave the bastard!!!

He is an abusive arse

Please don’t stay with him

YouTheCat · 21/12/2018 08:32

He's an abusive arse. Dump him and then block him.

You owe him nothing. Could you get transferred to a different branch of MacDonalds?

If he ramps it up, log it. There are laws to protect you from his behaviour.

Stepmum3 · 21/12/2018 08:32

Hi,

I would suggest maybe having some time apart this isn’t a relationship. More of a dictatorship.
You are being emotionally abused and torn apart by him. Maybe even blocking him yourself. Is he from the UK originally? I worry for you but you must do what’s right.

pinkdelight · 21/12/2018 08:32

Your parents are right. I hate him too. You must get rid of him and get some self esteem back before he destroys you. No man who claims to care about you should ever say those things or treat you that way. You're young and have your whole life to live and he's trying to make you trapped and lost and succeeding. You don't need him or any boyfriend at all at this point. You need to detox from him and learn your worth. There's all kinds of advice and help on here in Relationships including a book many recommend called Why Does He Do That? And a course called The Freedom Programme to unpick the damage done and liberate yourself. But essentially, and a million per cent, you need to leave this bastard. Don't spend Christmas, another year, or another minute with anyone who calls you a whore.

NonaGrey · 21/12/2018 08:33

You should have dumped him the very first time he called you a whore.

Dump him now.

He doesn’t love, he doesn’t even like you. That’s not how you treat someone you like. And it’s going to get worse not better.

Seriously get rid of him as a Christmas present to yourself.

Storminateacup1 · 21/12/2018 08:33

LTB and make it clear you want NC.

Then if he continues to contact you after you asking him not to, and also if he calls you names at work, report him to HR and the police for harassment.

Bluntness100 · 21/12/2018 08:33

Yeah you need to dump his jealous controlling arse. It's not going to improve, and you can't live your life like this until you become a shadow of who you were.

End it. For good. Immediately.

PerfectionistProcrastinator · 21/12/2018 08:34

You are in an abusive relationship and you will never, never change him. Get out, focus on yourself and in future don’t settle for less than somebody who treats you with nothing but love and respect.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 21/12/2018 08:35

This sounds very very controlling. It's a form of abuse. It doesn't sound like he makes you happy. He is dressing up his jealousy as love but it's not, if you love someone you trust them and want the best for them. You don't call them names and say they deserve to be raped. Every story I've read that starts like this only gets worse with the woman eventually not being able to choose what to wear at all, not being allowed to have friends, not being allowed to leave the house, then being physically punished for imagined infractions of increasingly crazy rules.

In a normal relationship if you put make up on and do your hair you get told you look nice. If people talk to you, your partner is glad you have friends. If you want to go out you get told to have a lovely time (I bet he isn't keen on you going out without him is he?)

Please end this relationship. You only feel like you can't as he has been working on making you believe you deserve this behaviour and can't manage without him. You will find out you can and you are happier than when you were with him. Please leave now.

BlueSuffragette · 21/12/2018 08:35

He is abusive. Dump him. You deserve so much more. He will wear you down to a shadow of yourself. You are young. Cut him out of your life and build a great future for yourself. Best of luck with the studying. One day you will look back and think why the f did I put up with all that shite. He is a low life bully. Run now. Finish it asap. Tomorrow can be the start of a new life.

MrsMoastyToasty · 21/12/2018 08:35

This behaviour wouldn't be acceptable from a stranger.
This behaviour wouldn't be acceptable from a friend or relative.
This behaviour is not acceptable from someone who is supposed to be emotionally invested in you.

Dump him. You are worth so much more.

deckthehallsred · 21/12/2018 08:36

Leave him for goodness sake. Today. Don’t look back. You are 20. Your 20s can be amazing. They are imo the main time you get to live how you want, do everything you want, before family commitments and careers etc etc. I know I’m generalising and people take different paths but seriously please don’t waste them on this ‘man’.

Qcng · 21/12/2018 08:36

You walk with your head down so no one says hello to you?
WTF, mate. For a start in your work environment at "have a nice day" McDonalds that sort of carry on could get you the sack, and, he's a dick.

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