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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What do you want for xmas he asks?

108 replies

madmum5811 · 20/12/2018 15:40

OH wanted to buy me a car. But not any car, one he had chosen, a hybrid, low cc. no car tax, etc. etc. I said I would prefer to stick to my 12 year old mini cooper convertible, which is fun to drive. So am I being unreasonable, he gets to choose his cars and changes them every few years.

Mine needs a good service after six years and he is moaning about the cost. If his sneezes it goes to the garage. I could bloody scream.

OP posts:
eniledam · 20/12/2018 15:51

He's moaning about the cost because after 12 years, you're probably due a new car. He's being logical about this. The cost of a service/repairs/new parts could go towards your new car, and this new car will save you money by being a hybrid/no car tax etc. So yes - maybe YABU.

WhyDontYouComeOnOver · 20/12/2018 15:52

If my husband could afford to buy me a car, I wouldn't care what it was. I'm getting a ball of wool and a box of Ferreros. Perhaps be grateful?

Cherries101 · 20/12/2018 15:53

Is it likely that the cost of parts is greater than the value of the car? If so then just get a newer mini convertible.

Original poster
madmum5811 · 20/12/2018 15:56

He did this to me with my last car which I loved a toyota rav 4. Someone leaned on the wing and pushed it in, I just wanted it pulled out. He insisted on a new car. Took me to showroom and pointed at a car, I thought he meant the mini, he meant the boring box next to it. I did win that time. My mini has only done 35k miles so has plenty of life left in it.

I think it is the control factor, you will have the car I choose, rather than a car I like that I resent.

OP posts:
Original poster
madmum5811 · 20/12/2018 15:57

I should say he never buys me a new car, my last two cars have been six years old when bought. He has the new cars.

OP posts:
WhyDontYouComeOnOver · 20/12/2018 15:59

Oh you poor thing.

WakeUpFromYourDreamAndScream · 20/12/2018 16:02

YABU.

Magentaorwagenta · 20/12/2018 16:03
Xmas Biscuit
Original poster
madmum5811 · 20/12/2018 16:05

So I should do as I am told where my car is concerned. I really thought this forum was a bit more modern than that. Or have I morphed into gransnet by accident.

OP posts:
Stephisaur · 20/12/2018 16:08

Well... just say no.

If you were asking for a new car and expecting him to pay for it, then I could see why he would feel the need to be involved. If you don’t want/need a new car, then just tell him you won’t be changing yours.

If he’s truly insistent, the new mini convertibles are very nice ;)

QueenDaisy · 20/12/2018 16:08

YANBU, not a chance would I give up a car for another car that’s not of my choice Smile

HolgerLowCarbingLoser · 20/12/2018 16:10

I am totally with you on this, OP. I won’t be dictated to and I certainly would resent that attitude. Keep your car and tell him you would like servicing for it for the next without any of his whingeing. Keep a tally if you must so that you can accurately judge the cost vs. reward overall, but fuck no he’s not the big man of the house and you’re entitled to decide what car you want to drive.

BottleOfJameson · 20/12/2018 16:10

I don't think it should be your christmas present if you're not excited about it but it sounds like you should get a more environmental and cheaper can yes.

HolgerLowCarbingLoser · 20/12/2018 16:10

*Next year

Original poster
madmum5811 · 20/12/2018 16:13

He will not buy me another convertible, let alone a new car, I will get a second hand box with low mileage and be grateful.

I know it sounds silly but I have fun with the top down in the summer. I like the acceleration of a bigger engine. We live in a beautiful part of the world, mountains the sea, country lanes. My elderly neighbours have hybrid boxes and they are so boring imo.

OP posts:
Rhiannon13 · 20/12/2018 16:13

That first sentence. Spoilt much? I'd just take the gift and be grateful but if you really don't want to change cars, tell him. How does he get to choose cars if you own them though? Or are they really his and he doesn't want to waste money paying for repairs on older cars? If you want complete control you'll need to buy your own.

jobbymcginty · 20/12/2018 16:14

Yanbu bloody loved my Mini Cooper s convertable had to sell it when ds 2 came along as I couldn't fit a pram in it.maybe he's jealous that's you have a great car?

Elllicam · 20/12/2018 16:15

Does he get his (new) cars as a present? Or is it just something he gets. I don’t think a present you don’t want is ever a good present,

Original poster
madmum5811 · 20/12/2018 16:15

Holger I have not needed to keep a tally in six years have had new tyres. OH changes the filters, oil etc. So only costs are MOT ones.

OP posts:
HolgerLowCarbingLoser · 20/12/2018 16:16

No fucking way. Keep the car you love! Is he your boss, or are you equals in your relationship??

HolgerLowCarbingLoser · 20/12/2018 16:17

Is he turning into an old man before his time and expecting you to be the same? I hate that. Stagnate if you like, and make everything as boring and dull for yourself as you like, but leave me the fuck alone!

LannieDuck · 20/12/2018 16:18

Do you share finances? If so, what's all this "he'll buy me...." rubbish?

Perhaps he has a point that it's time to upgrade your car. If you like the current one, why not buy a newer version of the same model?

Grimbles · 20/12/2018 16:18

I get you op. My DH gets to buy himself a new car of his choosing and I get to have his old one. Yay...

adreamofspring · 20/12/2018 16:18

OP - you’re getting some grief for being ungrateful but reading between the lines is this about a battle for control? And a long-running marital difference of opinion? No one on AIBU can help you with that. You need to have a long talk with your hubby about how his seemingly well-meaning approach makes you feel overpowered and that your opinion doesn’t count.

The car is a secondary issue.

If you earn your own money and have the means to keep the car you love running and it is safe for you and your passengers ask for something else for Xmas. Job done.

NeverHadANickname · 20/12/2018 16:19

YANBU. Yes it is a nice problem to have someone wanting to buy you a car but that's not to say you should just shut up and go with it! Your DH should not get to dictate to you what car you drive.

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