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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What do you want for xmas he asks?

108 replies

madmum5811 · 20/12/2018 15:40

OH wanted to buy me a car. But not any car, one he had chosen, a hybrid, low cc. no car tax, etc. etc. I said I would prefer to stick to my 12 year old mini cooper convertible, which is fun to drive. So am I being unreasonable, he gets to choose his cars and changes them every few years.

Mine needs a good service after six years and he is moaning about the cost. If his sneezes it goes to the garage. I could bloody scream.

OP posts:
Cherries101 · 20/12/2018 22:40

It’s not a real job. A real job is one in which you get paid Confused

MarthasGinYard · 20/12/2018 22:41

'I guess looking after four grand children doesn`t count as a job. It sure feels as tiring as one lol'

Do you pop your GC on your roof rack??

llangennith · 20/12/2018 22:42

How do you fit four kids plus you in a mini?

Original poster
madmum5811 · 20/12/2018 22:43

I had a real job for 42 years, I do not think anyone would hire me at my age. I have health issues. Was self employed in family business so tell me how would I get a reference?? I have done bits of volunteering over the years. I will get a state pension in a few years which will be lovely.

OP posts:
Snog · 20/12/2018 22:44

A gift of what HE wants you to have is a pretty shitty gift imo.

Original poster
madmum5811 · 20/12/2018 22:45

I go to their houses. I do have a child seat in the mini. To be honest taking more than one child out at a time would be a bit much for me.

OP posts:
kalefire · 20/12/2018 22:50

Omg I can't believe the grief you're getting here OP.

Let's phrase it another way....

You have a beautiful ball gown you love to wear but DH wants to get rid of it and buy you a shift dress. Doesn't matter if you don't like it, JUST BE GRATEFUL SOMEONES BUYING YOU A GIIIIIFT!!

Ffs. Insanity.

Notrusthere · 20/12/2018 22:52

My whole life it has been obvious that my older brother is my mum's favourite child. It's something I accepted at a very young age and we as a family usually make a joke of it.

My mum is disappointed in me. I'm overweight and don't have a good job. I also have mental health issues which she doesn't get, but tries in her own way to be supportive.

I don't know of its because it's coming up to Christmas but today it's really gotten to me.

These are the examples of what she's said today but it's just a snap shot.

  1. She told me to stop sitting with my.legs up on the sofa, said I was bending my spine
  1. I showed her pictures of the parents of the puppy we are on a waiting lost for. She said the mum looked gormless (both dogs are stunning)
  1. She said she'd had a brilliant idea for my brothers Christmas present, and that was the present she was most excited about this year.
  1. She asked where I wanted to go for Christmas eve walk (tradition) and when I gave my opinion she said it was a rubbish idea.

I realise this all seems very petty but small things like this add up and it's been going on 30 years!

I've told her before how it makes me feel and she says I'm being oversensitive.

I don't know how to deal with this and I'm worried I'm going to end up in tears over Christmas

Notrusthere · 20/12/2018 22:53

Oh shit OP sorry that was meant to be a new post!! Oops!

TeaByTheSeaside · 20/12/2018 22:56

Oh gosh no, there's no way my DH would be choosing my car for me!

moredoll · 20/12/2018 23:04

Had three children have been through the family practical car stage, now I would just like a bit of fun, which I have with my little mini.

Tell him again. I'm sure it's not his intention to make you unhappy.

It’s not a real job. A real job is one in which you get paid

Of course it'si a real job. If OP wasn't doing it a childminder or nursery would be doing it. The government recognises this and gives grandparents nationalnal Insurance credits.
[[Looking after the grandchildren? Make sure it counts towards your State Pension
Grandparents caring]]

Iizzyb · 20/12/2018 23:07

Keep the mini! Loved loved loved mine!

Had to give mine up when I went back to work after Mat leave.... if mine wasn't the family car I'd have another tomorrow xx

Original poster
madmum5811 · 20/12/2018 23:07

That is interesting moredo, I did not know that. I did check with works and pensions, because I still get family allowance for youngest until he is 18. They said that helped with insurance stamps I think. I cannot really remember now.

OP posts:
BusterGonad · 20/12/2018 23:38

I've not read the full thread, but it must be amazing to live a life where a car with 35k miles on the clock needs replacing!

BarbaraofSevillle · 21/12/2018 05:14

You can check your national insurance record online OP, but as you say you've worked for 42 years then you should have already paid sufficient NI for a full state pension, as you need 35 years for that, so I'm not sure if there's any benefit to the grandparent carer scheme.

I also assume that you've received credits in the past as a recipient of child benefit, although it's always worth checking because you can buy extra NI credits if you need to top up, and in most cases, it's well worth doing.

JeezYouLoon · 21/12/2018 06:04

YABU not to service your car for six years, should be done yearly Wink

Gina2012 · 21/12/2018 06:11

I really thought this forum was a bit more modern than that. Or have I morphed into gransnet by accident.

And your husband buying your car for you, over the years, is modern is it?

Grow up

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 21/12/2018 06:19

He's buying you a CAR? Are you in the royal family? That sounds very generous.

StatisticallyChallenged · 21/12/2018 06:32

Op likes her car. She doesn't want to replace it at all - it's not like she's demanding her OH buys her a new mini and they are disagreeing because he wants the hybrid box. There's no need to buy a car at all.

Why are so many people acting like op is being a demanding princess when she wants the cheaper option of the status quo?

Buying someone a present they don't want is one thing and normally you slap a smile on. But not when the gift requires you to get rid of something you have and love.

And the environmental side is bollocks, she's doing a few k miles per year, there's no way it's worth the environmental impact of producing a whole new car just to reduce her emissions for those miles.

Her husband sounds like a bit of a bully, and I'm shocked by how many people think this is ok.

gonzo77 · 21/12/2018 06:38

Looks like quite a few people have green eyes!

OP I'd just tell him that you really don't want to change your car. Is the V5 in your name for the mini?

CustardOmlet · 21/12/2018 06:52

Completely get you, tell him you don’t need a new car, he can save some more and buy you anothe mini next year if he’s that desperate.

My DH did exactly the same but with my laptop. Old one was a bit slow but did what I wanted it too, DH insisted it needed replacing. I saw a nice light weight netbook, he said no and bought a heavy 15inch that didn’t fit properly in my rucksack. Many years on, I now have an iPad with a hard keyboard case, it’s my posh netbook!!!

HoneyBumpkin · 21/12/2018 08:14

Another one shocked at the hassle people are giving OP here. Regardless of whether or not other people would like a car, you don't want one.

YANBU. He is being unreasonable to patronise you by saying he knows better than you what kind of car you should have, override your wishes and pretend he's doing something nice by calling it a present. The fact that he earns more than you doesn't mean he gets to dictate your decisions.

I earn more than DH, he doesn't drive and I still consulted him over what kind of car we got because it's family money and I want him to feel comfortable with how much we spend, and comfortable as a passenger in the car we chose. I wouldn't dream of dictating that we have to have one he would hate because "I earn more and know better"

beachyhead · 21/12/2018 08:49

My DH chose my car once. I drove it for six months then appropriated his 😀 it was a horrible big box, not automatic, shit colour and now he gets to drive it! He won't do that again.

WhiteVixen · 21/12/2018 09:04

OP I feel if you’d posted this in Relationships you’d be getting completely different answers! He should absolutely not be dictating to you what car you should have. Insist you are keeping your fun car and let him sulk.

I’d also address the fact that he gives you an ‘allowance’ rather than you having full access to a joint account, that’s really not ok that you have to scrimp and save and scrabble around to make ends meet while he gets to just go and buy himself whatever he wants.

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