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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To regret helping a stranger

292 replies

regrethelp · 19/12/2018 19:58

I was stopped by a lady in a 2 seater convertible that she forgot her purse in a building nearby. Building was locked and she had not enough fuel to drive all the way home (outside London).
She wanted money for fuel. She drove me to nearby ATM machine and I withdrew money to lend her.
She told me she is an artist, I can find her online. Only told me her first name. I trusted her and didn't check details. She said she comes to my area 2 times a week to work on a stained glass project.
She promised to call in 3 hours. It's been over 2 days I haven't heard from her.
I sent her text and called her and got no response (her number is valid, she gave me missed call for me to have her number).
I feel stupid. Amount is not that big (£40) but I told her politely I am out of work and would need money back.
I usually help people (friends/family)going out of my way and most times I have found those people unappreciative.
I don't want to chase the lady but I feel very upset for being taken advantage one more time. I am feeling worse also because I am in abusive relationship and already feel pretty depressed.

OP posts:
SnuggyBuggy · 19/12/2018 20:28

I guess a con artist is a kind of artist

TheyBuiltThePyramids · 19/12/2018 20:29

There are scammers everywhere these days it seems! Some people are just unbelievable in their attempts to fleece the gullible.

MrsDrudge · 19/12/2018 20:29

So sorry this happened when you were trying to be kind.

I think you have probably lost your money.
I do think it’s mean of other posters to call you stupid or gullible it’s totally unnecessary. It’s so easy to be taken in, especially if you are sympathetic to other people.

rubaduhlo · 19/12/2018 20:30

Unfortunately these things happen. In that situation I'd either give a small amount if I have cash on me or possibly withdraw some. I would only do it though if I knew I had the money to spare because there's a chance I wouldn't see it again. I'm sorry this happened. There are good and bad people in the world

Neweternal · 19/12/2018 20:30

I am sorry you have gone through this. No one deserves this. Why don't we all chip in £5 each to you for Christmas goodwill that we're not all like that?. Be kind to others, she let herself down. I would contact local crafts fairs and exhibitors telling them you're trying to get in touch and you need to money for Xmas coming up. Or put out a Facebook notice to share with her name, saying she "may" have lost/given wrong phone number.

PurpleDaisies · 19/12/2018 20:31

Seriously new? Confused

Babygrey7 · 19/12/2018 20:32

It's easy to fall for these kind of scams

It's a lesson learnt Sad

I am worried about your awful H...can you get away from him?

SoupDragon · 19/12/2018 20:34

put out a Facebook notice to share with her name, saying she "may" have lost/given wrong phone number.

You think she gave her real name??

Neweternal · 19/12/2018 20:35

@SummerGems That's harsh! We shouldn't have to live in a world mistrusting of people unable to do a good turn. I don't lend money and some people are scum but it's the scammers who are to blame.

Augusta2012 · 19/12/2018 20:37

That’s a very well known scam. Tot it up to experience and just feel secure in the knowledge that at least you’re a nice person who tried to help someone.

SummerGems · 19/12/2018 20:38

If you google petrol money scam there are warnings all over the internet. It’s an internationally recognised scam.

There are countless warnings all over christmas time about people asking for money to buy this and that (there’s one asking for money for formula as well apparently)

And yes, people who are had should feel stupid not be pandered to with “you did a kind thing,” because every time someone falls for this scam you are enabling these scammers to continue and to next time scam someone potentially far more vulnerable. The more people who recognise it for what it is and cut these criminals off at source the less incentive they have to continue doing so.

The signs were all there. Fancy car, iPhone, and yet they felt able to stop a complete stranger to not only ask for a bit of cash but to offer to drive them to an ATM to draw it out for them?

If she had an iPhone why couldn’t she ring for a lift from a friend or family? Or even ask someone to meet her to give her some cash? But no, she asked a stranger?

It’s one thing falling for the ones where people just ask for a few quid because they’ve fallen on hard times, just want a couple of pennies to drive home etc. It’s quite another to go down the route of being driven to an ATM (was there not one nearby then given it was a town centre?)

I’d be thinking that the ATM is probably rigged and that the OP will be lucky if her bank account isn’t emptied. She ought to speak to the bank at least to ensure that she is issued with new cards etc.

Unfortunately though the police won’t do anything as the OP handed over the money willingly. It’ll be reported to action fraud but only as a statistic.

Augusta2012 · 19/12/2018 20:38

You can report to the police though. A well known scammer did this in my home city and was eventually prosecuted.

Waytooearly · 19/12/2018 20:38

I've heard that these crimes often go unreported because the victims feel so embarrassed afterwards.

regrethelp · 19/12/2018 20:39

Lettermethis, it's not physical. I am worried about that too.

But I am really sadden by the fact how easily I can be conned.

I just called her and she disconnected. I have sent her a text that I need money back. She hasn't replied. I have googled her number (also on facebook), I didn't find any information.
I am not sure if she told me her real name. I will wait and use police threat as last resort, I am not sure police will be able to find her. I will call her from a different number tomorrow and ask her for her name. Not sure if I can do much.

OP posts:
Heartofglass21 · 19/12/2018 20:40

I bet she's not the person she's pretending to be. And I bet you weren't the first person she took to the cash machine to get money out, that day. She'll be well practised in the art of scamming.

When I worked in Manchester, there was a man who hung around the bus station, claiming to be 27p short of his busfare - most people gave him 50p or a £1, because he was asking for such a small amount of money. It was only when I kept seeing him, day after day, I realised he was actually begging and probably making a fairly lucrative amount every day.

CandyCreeper · 19/12/2018 20:40

I wont be chipping in any money, I dont give money to strangers. This could also easily be a scam aswell. People really are very gullible.

BumDisease · 19/12/2018 20:40

"I just called her and she disconnected. I have sent her a text that I need money back. She hasn't replied. I have googled her number (also on facebook), I didn't find any information.
I am not sure if she told me her real name. I will wait and use police threat as last resort, I am not sure police will be able to find her. I will call her from a different number tomorrow and ask her for her name. Not sure if I can do much."

She almost certainly did not tell you her real name. The money is as good as gone, OP. Lesson learned!

PurpleDaisies · 19/12/2018 20:42

She isn’t going to give you her real name. Calling from a different number will make no difference. Think how many others will have her number because she’s done the same thing to them.

HebeMumsnet · 19/12/2018 20:42

Hello everyone

We've had a number of reports from people concerned about this thread so, as we usually do in these circs, we're putting our heads round the door with some important reminders.

Exactly as many of you have advised the OP, we always ask everyone here to remember that not everyone is who they say they are (especially on the internet) – and we remind folk not to give more to another poster, either financially (in cash or gifts) or emotionally (in time or care and support) than they'd be prepared to lose if things went wrong.

We've no reason at all to doubt the OP but unfortunately we aren't able to vouch for anyone here, as we just can't know for sure.

Sorry to hijack your thread briefly there, OP – we really hope you get it all sorted soon.

littlemeitslyn · 19/12/2018 20:43

Horrible to call someone gullible and stupid ☹️

PoisonousSmurf · 19/12/2018 20:44

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Lifeofsmiley · 19/12/2018 20:44

The time now is the last resort, how much longer do you need to wait.

cheesywotnots · 19/12/2018 20:45

don't waste your time or money sending texts or trying to call her, tell the police and your bank, and don't fall for this again.

Ragwort · 19/12/2018 20:46

Heart I live in a very small town and we’ve got a guy who does a similar thing every single day, I’ve been living there seven years and see him most days and he just carries on asking people for money and they give it to him, last time he approached me for a bus fare, I offered to walk with him to the bus stop and pay the fare but he then changed his mind.

happinessischocolate · 19/12/2018 20:46

For future reference OP I can drive 100 miles to London and 100mikes back again on £25 so she certainly didn't need £40 to get home.

Sorry you've been scammed, don't let it make you not help people in need in future just don't give more than you can afford.

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