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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is NOT high maintenance

308 replies

Highorlow · 19/12/2018 10:09

NC For this...Went out for dinner and drinks last night with friends. And as we’re sitting chatting, friend A asks have I had my lashes done)? Me...yes I got extensions for the Christmas period (as I usually do) , conversation leads on to a full scale what else have you done then??then me saying that I usually get my lashes, hair and nails done at Christmas. Hair I usually get styled 3-4 times a year. Nails I get done quite often (every 3 weeks) and lashes for Christmas, holidays and weddings etc. thought it was fairly normal and that she does the same pretty much?? Friend B states that she hasn’t done it much since kids, friend A agreed and says I must be high maintenance whilst laughing. (I most certainly am not) it’s just something I do at certain times of the year to chivvy myself up. I have two kids so I feel I’m allowed to look after myself. AIBU to think this is not high maintenance??

OP posts:
Pernickity1 · 19/12/2018 14:07

I imagine there might be a little veiled jealousy going on here. Does either of your friends have self-esteem issues or have they struggled in anyway (mentally/physically) since having children?

My sister and I had children close in age, she used to mock me for continuing to blow dry my hair?! "Why would you bother after having a child, who has the time" etc. and little digs like that. I found this odd as she was previously a very vain person and put a lot of stock on appearance so it was strange that she stopped making an effort and mocked those who did. Turns out she was struggling with pnd. She felt bad about herself so she tried to bring me down too by making out there was something wrong with me not her.

cookingonwine · 19/12/2018 14:12

@Highorlow good for you ... I think your friend is jealous... carry on being fabulous 💋

Pursefirst · 19/12/2018 14:18

It is absolutely all relative and you don't sound overly high maintenance to me OP.

I get my hair trimmed and highlighted every 8 weeks, get waxed(legs, Brazilian, lip/chin and eyebrows) and mani/pedi every 4 weeks, have facials and massages every 6 weeks and get Botox/fillers every 12-18 months. I also work out 6 days a week.

HOWEVER, before every MNer comes for me with pitchforks I had cancer 6 years ago and felt so horrified with my body during and after treatment that I started doing all the above to feel good about myself. I also work in a job that involves a ton of travel and meetings with very high net worth individuals, so I feel as though having all those beauty bits done gives me confidence, I suppose like a kind of mask.

wink1970 · 19/12/2018 14:52

If they say it again reply with yes, but I don't like the idea of letting myself go and finish with a pointed stare and fake smile Grin

puppymouse · 19/12/2018 15:09

Love the "I haven't even brushed my hair since I was born" posts 😅

OP that sounds fairly normal to me. I have my nails done regularly and if I could afford it I'd have more. But spending the majority of my time with animals or children it really doesn't work to pay out for anything too flashy. I was going to have my eyebrows microbladed but I was nervous anyway and then the therapist was a dick about something so I cancelled.

Just do your thing and leave them to it.

Russiawithlove · 19/12/2018 15:15

Carry on taking pride in your appearance.

I have a spray tan, manicure, pedicure and cut and colour every 6 weeks.

If I'm high maintenance then so be it...but I work for it so it's nobody else's business.

Dieu · 19/12/2018 15:29

You should have just laughed back and said 'well, it beats being dowdy!' Xmas Wink

Bibijayne · 19/12/2018 15:32

I had my nails done and my lashes and eyebrows tinted for Christmas. Bit of a treat and saves me from doing makeup over Christmas if I don't have time. I have. 4 month old. I rarely wear make-up but used to tiny my lashes fairly often as despite being long and thick, they're very fair.

Knittink · 19/12/2018 15:34

high-maintenance
Adjective
needing a lot of work to keep in good condition.
also INFORMAL
(of a person) demanding a lot of attention.

A quick google shows both definitions.

BillywigSting · 19/12/2018 15:37

It's definitely more high maintenance than me. I hardly ever wear makeup, get my hair cut about once a year and can't remember the last time I did anything to my nails except trim them. I am a total slattern though.

BUT

It's far less than others and if it makes you happy and you can afford it then sod what anyone else thinks.

Southwest12 · 19/12/2018 15:41

I’ve only had about 3 weeks in the last two years where I’ve not had lashes on. I didn’t know they were a thing until I moved to Liverpool, now I can’t stand the sight of myself without them. I even had them topped up before major surgery last year and told the anaesthetist to look after them, and he did!

I get my nails done every three weeks, and hair cut every six. I get my eyebrows and upper lip waxed about every 6-8 weeks. I don’t see that as particularly high maintenance, though I never had my nails done professionally before. But I like having nice nails, and I like the down time of getting them done.

Bibijayne · 19/12/2018 15:43

Used to get my nails done more often but lack time/ money and when I do have time I enjoy weightlifting - which tends to kill nails :)

MrsStrowman · 19/12/2018 15:51

I had lash extensions for about six months before during and after my wedding as I loved the look and no need for mascara, but they started damaging my natural lashes which were naturally quite long, and the extensions were falling out quickly so I don't have them done anymore. I keep my nails very short and filed, don't really wear polish other than clear, I do always have painted toenails though. I did the whole acrylics/gels etc when I was younger and they just wrecked my natural nails and every salon I went to didn't share my opinion of short nails and would give me them longer than I'd like. I get my hair cut about every three or four months. My hair is very long so needs less attention than when it was very short and needed cutting often to maintain the style. I don't have any grey yet and haven't dyed my hair for more than ten years after some interesting choices in my twenties. I get my eyebrows threaded every few months and keep them in check with tweezers in between.
So your routine is more high maintenance than mine but isn't as rigorous as some people I know. I wouldn't worry about it.

Loopytiles · 19/12/2018 15:56

Your friends were rude to say that.

pantyclaws · 19/12/2018 16:06

Lots of people saying that's a basic level of grooming or the bare minimum nowadays. That's really depressing. Not even taking into account hair removal, moisturising, standard make up etc that we're all expected to do.

RedSkyLastNight · 19/12/2018 16:11

... and of course nobody "expects" a man to do any of this!

BehemothPullsThePeasantsPlough · 19/12/2018 16:20

Knittink is right, it’s a phrase with two meanings. Used of a person it’s pretty insulting (unless used by a negging man to describe a woman of whose self-esteem he disapproves). Used of a car, a house, or a beauty regime it’s a statement of fact - although where the definition falls is subjective.

My personal guess is that the median beauty regime for UK women is a haircut every 6 weeks costing up to 500 quid a year, maybe a manicure twice a year for special occasions, and makeup and skin care done at home, which puts the Op firmly in the top half but not necessarily the top ten percent or even the top quartile. You just have to look at the number of nail bars and beauty salons on the high street to know that there’s a lot of women using them regularly, even outside Liverpool and Essex.

DragonNoodleCake · 19/12/2018 16:25

All normal and not HM from my perspective. Just let comments like that slide off

Sashkin · 19/12/2018 17:44

It’s weird that people think having your lashes done is more high maintenance than wearing makeup every day - I get my lashes done (and dye/wax my own brows) because a) I have white brows and lashes so I look weird with no colour on them (think a less-attractive Tilda Swinton) and b) I’m too lazy to put mascara and brow pencil on every day. I can go to a salon for 30mins a month and then I don’t need to think about my face for another 30 days. It’s the lowest maintenance imaginable. It’s like getting a cleaner in once a week vs spending all day scrubbing my own kitchen floor.

Fantastiqueangel · 19/12/2018 17:54

I think it's loads, and none of my friends or colleagues or relatives do any of that.

abcriskringle · 19/12/2018 17:58

Yeah pretty high maintenance- I never get lashes done and only get nails done for special occasions (e.g. when I was a bride and bridesmaid as knew there would be photos). It's fine though- if that's what you like doing then no need to justify.

madcatladyforever · 19/12/2018 18:00

Sounds normal, I have loads more than that done.

Original poster
Highorlow · 19/12/2018 18:03

Yes I’m thinking it’s very normal, I have plenty of friends and cousins who do the same so I’m going to forget her comment and carry on! 🤣🤣

OP posts:
ineedtostopbeingsolazy · 19/12/2018 18:06

I don consider my myself high maintenance at all, I have my nails done a few times a year, I colour my own hair and mostly can't be bothered with my eyebrows etc
However I have Botox, I have regular massages, I have my teeth whitened and I spend shit loads on face creams.

So maybe I'm high maintenance just no one can tell!!

Tribblesarelovely · 19/12/2018 18:07

Definitely not high maintenance, just taking care of yourself. Ignore them.