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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked at this comment about poverty?

552 replies

abacucat · 18/12/2018 23:52

I have been thinking for a few days about a comment a MNer made on a thread about poverty. She said that she has nearly been in tears because a woman at the toddler group she went to had a hole in her shoe and thus had wet feet.
I have a hole in my shoe. I got a wet foot today. I don't think this is a big deal or worthy of "nearly being in tears". Surely it is pretty normal to have to wait a bit to be able to afford to replace things like shoes?
I just do't see it as a big deal at all, and I think this comment was OTT.
AIBU?

OP posts:
5fivestar · 20/12/2018 12:13

It’s not only poor people that booze of course it’s not but it’s relatively unaffordable for anyone who’s poor isn’t it. I found out a packet of cigarettes is £12 now, if you’re on benefits that’s an enormous % of your budget and who ever buys one packet

Skyejuly · 20/12/2018 12:16

I need new shoes! I class 30£ as expensive and it's 30 more than I have right now!

DrinkSangriaInThePark · 20/12/2018 12:55

According to the Irish Anti-Poverty Network, not having the the following 11 indicators are indicative of poverty:

Two pairs of strong shoes
A warm waterproof overcoat
Buy new not second-hand clothes
Eat meals with meat, chicken, fish (or vegetarian equivalent) every second day
Have a roast joint or its equivalent once a week
Had to go without heating during the last year through lack of money
Keep the home adequately warm
Buy presents for family or friends at least once a year
Replace any worn out furniture
Have family or friends for a drink or meal once a month
Have a morning, afternoon or evening out in the last fortnight, for entertainment

Unobtainable · 20/12/2018 13:03

back to the OP ...

Surely it is pretty normal to have to wait a bit to be able to afford to replace things like shoes?

No it's not. It may be your normal and the normal of those around you but in general society, no it's not.

I agree with other posters that it's normal to have several pairs of shoes suitable for the conditions you're living in, for example, sandals, trainers, wellies, boots, ballet flats, heels, pointed flats. The recommendation is that you shouldn't wear your shoes every day but rotate them with other shoes to allow them to breath (so they don't harbour fungus, bacteria, moisture etc.)

This post reminds me of other threads where people think that because they and their friends live a certain way then everyone else does. It just shows how segregated we've become as a society.

Bluntness100 · 20/12/2018 13:03

Fuck off bluntness

That's an impressively intelligent rebuttal and saysmore about you than you'd like.

Santasshoe · 20/12/2018 13:05

@DrinkSangriaInThePark

According to that list I'm living in poverty. We haven't had the heating on in 2 weeks as the meter just eats the money. Plus can't remember when I last went shopping. We rarely have meat or equivalent so live on pasta and beans alot of the time. Before anyone says it I don't smoke, drink, have tattoos or do drugs. I have a flat screen tv that I got before ex left and have internet because the kids need it for homework.

Santasshoe · 20/12/2018 13:06

Also own one pair of shoes. Kids have one for home and one for school but no wellies etc.

Philomensapie · 20/12/2018 13:07

DS2 wears through school shoes quickly. Shoes are expensive, so I wait until my CTC go in. Not really worth crying over.

Original poster
abacucat · 20/12/2018 13:29

As I already said I have a pair of sandals and a pair of canvas trainers with holes in the design. This was about winter style shoes. I have also not put the heating on when it was less cold, to save money. I wanted to use it for when I really needed it.

OP posts:
GOODORBAD · 20/12/2018 13:41

Agree you have to know more about their priorities.

I remember someone being really surprised and dismayed that I had a hole in my shoe a few years ago. I wasn't bothered at all and didn't want to use savings for a new pair as I was saving up for a flat deposit (which I did eventually manage to save). So definitely not in poverty.

However a few years on and I'm much more sensible about these things so I'd put something like a decent pair of shoes above almost everything except absolute basics like food, mortgage and heating. So if I had a hole in my shoes now and wasn't replacing them it would mean I was in poverty.

mathanxiety · 20/12/2018 16:48

Is it shameful for me to have to wait to replace my holey shoes?

That word again.

Why do you consider poverty shameful, OP???

It is a sign of poverty to have to wait to replace your worn out shoes. It is not shameful.

I am beginning to understand why people vote Tory now, when it is so obvious that doing so is completely against their best interests.

Original poster
abacucat · 20/12/2018 17:19

I am left wing. But it is shameful because people judge you. When people post on here about a lack of money they get told they should be taking an extra evening or weekend job, or that they are not doing enough to get a better paid job, or that they should never buy a bottle of wine, or that they could do without that chocolate bar. Few people judge those making lots of money by exploiting other people.

OP posts:
Fowles94 · 20/12/2018 17:26

Well I must be living in poverty according to some of you as I often have to wait to replace things. We haven't all got the money to buy £30+ pair of shoes/clothing randomly.

MrsPeel · 20/12/2018 17:27

In the great depression one of my relatives had to wear shoes to school with cardboard soles that disintegrated in the rain and another had to have charity boots. Sad to think we are regressing to those times.

Original poster
abacucat · 20/12/2018 17:29

I think most parents would prioritise shoes for their kids. It is much more likely adults with holey shoes.

OP posts:
Shepherdspieisminging · 20/12/2018 17:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pinkstripeycat · 20/12/2018 17:34

Hestia - I consider it poverty when someone can't afford to replace a washing machine

Really? It’s nothing unusual for colleagues, friends to say their washing machine has broken and they can’t afford to get it fixed and are washing by hand. It’s certainly happened to me. I have one pair of shoes bought for me by my DSis for my birthday 21 months ago. I wear them all year round as I can’t afford (and dont need) a 2nd pair. They are wearing but have a chunky sole so no holes

BlueJay1 · 20/12/2018 17:37

No, I'm sorry but I'd be concerned if a friend was walking around in the cold weather with holes on their shoes.
I'd think most people had a second pair of shoes they could wear in the meantime.
If they don't have a second pair of shoes or are unable to purchase a new pair then yes I would consider that living in poverty. It might only be a temporary thing until pay day etc, but I don't think it would be considered 'normal'.

KatyLovesKats · 20/12/2018 17:40

Maybe she was in tears because she wondered what else this person couldn't afford if she couldn't afford new shoes. I would say it's one thing to have to wait till payday to get shoes for yourself but quite another to have to wait until payday for food/heating/presents for your children etc. And if you can't afford those, when are you ever going to afford new shoes. (Assuming they are from Clarks, like mine usually are - although I do buy them when they are on sale!)

Lifesucksbutgorakeepgoing · 20/12/2018 17:40

My trainers are the only pair of shoes iv got they must be a good 3/4 yr old. They are in such a state they should be in the bin, my toes can be seen they leak and are falling apart. I can’t not afford to replace them. We’re on minimal benefits, but due to health issues neither my self or my husband can work. Iv also got 2 children that have special needs. We’ve been told that my son requires a private ot to fully diagnose him. I’m also worrying due to having to go in for a scan on Monday for a very large lump that has recently,ty been found in my side. Yet I’m more worried about letting my kids down and not having food in the cupboards for the next few week. My kids come first. I’d rather do without to make sure they have. So some footware is the last thing on my mind.

Dillydallyer · 20/12/2018 17:41

If I had a hole in my shoes this month I couldn’t afford to replace them. I’m on unpaid maternity leave until next month and have had Christmas and both my DC’s birthdays to pay for this month. Not in any debt, it’s just been one of those months. Also had car MOT last week and needed two new tyres. I’m not in poverty, just at the end of a very expensive year.

Nearly47 · 20/12/2018 17:42

It's is poverty if you can't afford something so essential as a pair of shoes. The average woman in the UK has 2 or more pair of shoes specially as adults don't outgrow their shoes. I don't remember ever not having an extra pair of shoes and I am not by any means rich. But there are different levels of poverty and it can be considered a dirty word as if it's shameful to not have enough money. It shouldn't be.

jane251 · 20/12/2018 17:44

Perhaps she had multiple money problems, and this was just the straw that broke the camel's back.

Lifesucksbutgorakeepgoing · 20/12/2018 17:44

Wow going by that list we’re screwed then, cause I couldn’t tell you the last time we had/did or got any of that.

pinkstripeycat · 20/12/2018 17:48

My grandparents were born and grew up in what they called “rooms” in a house in a village in the middle of nowhere. “Rooms” was where the whole family lived in a room in a house shared with other families. All those families shared a kitchen, no running water, water was collected from the pump on the green, no heating, outside toilet. My nan often went hungry so she could feed my mum and uncle, she had 2 jobs and certainly didn’t have spare money to drink, smoke, take drugs. Sometimes her children had sugar sandwiches as there was nothing else’s to put between 2 slices of bread. They all wore 2nd hand clothes/shoes and their life was a daily struggle to survive but all my grandparents couldn’t think about was making sure their children were as warm, clean and fed as they could possibly be with the little money they earned. No excuse for neglecting children because your feeling sort your life isn’t what you want it to be. Cigarettes are almost £10 a packet! You can do a lot with £10