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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask where you keep your parents?

117 replies

FishFingerseveryday · 18/12/2018 19:13

My dad died a few months ago and we could only face picking his ashes up last week. But where do I put him? Eventually he will be scattered at sea until then he’s in a very ugly brown plastic container (from funeral home) wedged down the side of the fridge. It needs to be somewhere small children can’t access and empty him down the floorboards. So where are your top places to stash a deceased loved one?
(Also is it in bad taste to put a Santa hat on him?)

OP posts:
JohnLapsleyParlabane · 18/12/2018 19:15

Santa hat sounds excellent

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 18/12/2018 19:15

I’m sorry for your loss OP Flowers

My Dad (who is very disorganised and messy) lost my Mum’s ashes and we discovered her in an empty biscuit tin (no I don’t get it either) and were just thankful he hadn’t given the tin to visitors!

I’d say do what feels right (Santa hat included)

Bluewidow · 18/12/2018 19:19

Please release him from the side of the fridge. My husband is in our dining room, on the lovely corner unit from the 70s I inherited from my mum. We like him close to us, and the dining room is perfect as we often talk about him over dinner.

QueenArseClangers · 18/12/2018 19:21

Have you seen the Ashes to Glass etc. Jewellery you can have made?

RaininSummer · 18/12/2018 19:22

Can you put him into a better looking container and h

Smallhorse · 18/12/2018 19:22

In the loft or under floorboards

AlpacaLypse · 18/12/2018 19:22

My brother is on a table in this room (my office aka the spare bedroom/junk/anything else that I don't want cluttering up downstairs). He's eventually going in with our mum when she finally goes to join our dad. We did our goodbye to him 8 years ago, on what would have been his birthday three months after he lost his battle with depression and vodka and liver failure. All my siblings and their DPs and our various children know where he is should I not be capable of dealing with the situation myself.

Santa Hat is fine by me... you know your dad's sense of humour better than we do!

RaininSummer · 18/12/2018 19:23

Ave him somewhere more cosy. Pressed send too soon.

jarhead123 · 18/12/2018 19:23

We had my aunt sat in the garage for months. They were scattered eventually.

Oddsocksandmeatballs · 18/12/2018 19:24

Mum carried dad around with her until his scattering.

The Santa hat is a must have.

FiveNightsAtMummys · 18/12/2018 19:25

My dad is in the living room on the fire place. Altho I've just moved him on the table next to his photo. I want to spread his ashes one day I just can't yet.

ChristmasFluff · 18/12/2018 19:26

I have Dad and Mum in similar but different urns on my mantelpiece. I was going to scatter them when Mum died, but I couldn't bear to part with Dad yet, so I've kept them both.

SleepySofa · 18/12/2018 19:26

We had mum in a Tupperware kind of jar for ages while we were renting. Once we bought a house, we scattered her on the rose bush. It turned out that we didn’t quite scatter her enough and the rose was poorly for about a year afterwards! We thought it was very apt as she’d always had a brown thumb.

CMOTDibbler · 18/12/2018 19:27

My grandad was in mum and dads porch for years. We used to talk to him quite a lot and joke about him spinning in the jar when something was going on that he wouldn't have approved of (quite a lot of things)

UpsideDownAndRoundTheBend · 18/12/2018 19:28

Well if it was me (and I want to be scattered on a mountain eventually), then until I get my scattering, I'd like to be placed among photos of my beautiful family, or by a window, or maybe among some wine or chocolate 🍫 Wine but definitely not squished in by the fridge :) If your dad is a scattering man, I'd say he wouldn't want to be squished either! Santa hat's cool though! Xmas Smile

SerenDippitty · 18/12/2018 19:28

Mum’s ashes are interred in Dad’s grave as she requested.

YoThePussy · 18/12/2018 19:30

To all other posters who have lost someone they love this is a hard time of year so Santa hats, mistletoe arrangements or whatever you feel is right is to be done. I am sorry as know myself how shit it feels at times. My DF was on top of DM’s wardrobe for 18 months until he was interred. DM was in her bedroom then travelled with me when I moved house and guarded the boxes in my bedroom. She is now with DF.

Scattering at sea sounds lovely, great send off.

DogMamma · 18/12/2018 19:32

My dog is on the book shelf right next to me, she has fairy lights around her urn at the moment and her old stocking hanging below her. Sorry i know it's not the same but sorta is, she was my loved one. I

MrsSpenserGregson · 18/12/2018 19:33

Awww I love the Santa hat idea OP Flowers

My parents' ashes are both interred together in a churchyard (well, only half of my dad's ashes are there - the other half we scattered at sea, and may I suggest that you check the tides and the wind direction/speed before you do this with your dad!). Tbh, I'd have liked to keep their ashes at home and, if I had, I'd have put them in a gorgeous antique family heirloom pottery vase and displayed this on a very visible but high-ish shelf in the lounge. Next to photos as a pp rather beautifully said upthread.

pktechgirl · 18/12/2018 19:40

Hindu tradition meant I could not bring my father's ashes into the house. So he spent three weeks in my car traveling up and down the county which is what he would have done if he was alive. He also spent some time in our garage on a high shelf before being scattered into the sea. Santa hat sounds lovely.

ReanimatedSGB · 18/12/2018 19:41

My dad is mostly on a hill in the Lake district, but a little of him is in a box in my mum's bedside cabinet. Along with two separate boxes, one for each of her parents. When it's Mum's turn, I think my brother and I will probably scatter her and her parents somewhere together.

Bluetrews25 · 18/12/2018 19:43

'D'PILs are still in the funeral director's garage (after 6-8 years!!). As devoted and devastated Hmm SIL has not bothered to pick them up yet. I don't want them - they were not nice to me, ever. FD is a friend, otherwise they would probably have been scattered in cemetery by now.
DDad was scattered in the rose garden that replaced his veg patch, and DMum was scattered in her much loved garden.
Beloved DDog is in our garden, near her favourite lying and looking at the view place.

BarbaraofSevillle · 18/12/2018 19:43

DFs ashes are buried in a nice plot at the cemetary.

DFIL's are all over the place. MIL took portions of his ashes and scattered them at local beauty spots, his golf club, UK and overseas beaches and probably other places with fond memories for them too.

Some are in a plot in the cemetary. DP has some in his garage/mancave and MIL, BIL and SIL probably have some too.

HotInWinter · 18/12/2018 19:45

DB used to sit on the armchair in my parents bedroom. He is in a small wooden box.
Now they have moved, I think he is on the bookcase in their room, but I'm not 100% sure - things get shuffled around to fit us in when we visit.
I'm sorry for your loss Flowers

redexpat · 18/12/2018 19:48

Mum kept dad on top of the tumbledrier in the garage until we scattered him.