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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask where you keep your parents?

117 replies

FishFingerseveryday · 18/12/2018 19:13

My dad died a few months ago and we could only face picking his ashes up last week. But where do I put him? Eventually he will be scattered at sea until then he’s in a very ugly brown plastic container (from funeral home) wedged down the side of the fridge. It needs to be somewhere small children can’t access and empty him down the floorboards. So where are your top places to stash a deceased loved one?
(Also is it in bad taste to put a Santa hat on him?)

OP posts:
DogMamma · 18/12/2018 19:50

@pktechgirl is it rude of me to ask why Hindu tradition meant you could not bring your father's ashes into the house? Im Not saying it is wrong or criticising, please don't think that I'm just curious as to why. I always love finding out little bits of info like this from other cultures. Of course if you don't want to explain I completely understand, x

BlackeyedGruesome · 18/12/2018 19:51

Dm is in a nursing home. Df is buried in one of the last plots in the cemetery. DM will join him when her time comes.

I think I want to go to the graveyard my uncle and aunt are in as they still have room. If the children are old enough they can d cide where I should be buried.

furrymuff · 18/12/2018 19:51

We had dad on the sideboard in a cardboard box for 3 months, and then we scattered him at the Mull of Kintyre in June. I found it quite comforting having him in the house and often chatted away!

My first dog is in an urn in the chest of drawers in the hall, have never quite managed to scatter him, can't bring myself to do it!

BlueUggs · 18/12/2018 19:51

My grandma is down the side of the chair in my grandad's sitting room....she's never been moved since she was bought home.....

thegreylady · 18/12/2018 19:52

Mum was scattered on her parents’ grave as she requested. I don’t know what she did with dad! Dh was scattered in cream memorial garden.
I want to have a bit of me in a Roses Lime Marmalade jar marked Mum at the back of a cupboard somewhere and the rest of me scattered at the bottom of the garden.

thegreylady · 18/12/2018 19:52

Crem not cream!

Chesntoots · 18/12/2018 19:54

My dad is in my sideboard next to several bottles of whiskey which he never got around to drinking.

I will send some of him off to be a paperweight at some point and will get a nicer container.

Is don't think he would care - he told me to have him stuffed to use as a hat stand...

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints · 18/12/2018 19:57

Top of the box unit. He's been there since April & probably won't go anywhere for a good while yet. I've decorated him with tinsel & an indoor wreath for Christmas. I even dusted him first Xmas Grin! he'd be very impressed.

I did find it comical that when the undertaker dropped him off he was in what is basically a large bottle (obviously the urn is inside). The bags a rather nice maroon colour that was the colour of his favourite jumper though Smile

EatsFartsAndLeaves · 18/12/2018 19:57

I found a lovely round bamboo pot with a lid in TK Maxx for about £7. There were two sizes and I didn't know how big human ashes would be, so I got both. Mum is in the big one on a shelf in my bedroom. My beloved cat who died years later is now in the small one.

IME anything sold as an urn is crazy expensive, but there are lots of other suitable and beautiful containers much cheaper.

DogMamma · 18/12/2018 19:58

@furrymuff I always chat to my girl too I still say goodnight to her when I leave the lounge my DH thinks I'm nuts. He misses her terribly and has chatted to her a few times when we first lost her nut hasn't done in a while

furrymuff · 18/12/2018 20:00

@DogMamma your post earlier made me a bit emotional - I think I'm going to get Buster out of the drawer and put some fairy lights around him Sad

Dippysnowoman · 18/12/2018 20:00

My dad is in a lovely box with a beautiful coastal scene on that we ordered from the undertakers and currently sits on the side in my dining room til we scatter him next spring.
This box is sealed so you cant see the actual ashes.
In fact it doesn't look like ashes at all more a fancy alcohol gift box, which he'd love.

FiveNightsAtMummys · 18/12/2018 20:01

Oh I forgot I have some of his ashes in a ring and so does my mum too.

Dockray · 18/12/2018 20:01

MiL is on the dining table that is never used, next to the post pile and FiL's meds. She's waiting for a rose bush in the garden. will be waiting a while as none of us are green fingered

It was a bit weird picking the ashes up as we weren't sure whether to put her in the boot to keep her safe. We then went to Ikea for the day before taking her back home. I was worried in case the car got nicked...

gruber · 18/12/2018 20:01

My mum carried Grandma around in her car boot for months. Meant she went everywhere but mum didn’t have to deal with having the container in the house. Eventually in the summer we had a family picnic in the slot grandma and grandad had taken all of them as children, and scattered her in the rose bushes there.
My Great-Nanny (grandma’s mum) was scattered in the memorial flower bed at the sheltered living complex where she’d lived for 12 years. We planted a rose bush too. I still cycle past the garden now and can see the rose bush growing nicely. It’s a little link to her.

Sickoffamilydrama · 18/12/2018 20:03

Sorry for your lose OP Flowers
I'm in the funeral trade. Just to reassure you in my experience all ashes are in plastic bags inside the plastic urns so should be harder for children to accidentally spill.

Floralnomad · 18/12/2018 20:04

My dad ( died in 1990) is in a cupboard at my mums in a wooden casket where he has since been joined by 2 dogs , 4 horses and a cat .

Trumpton · 18/12/2018 20:05

My mum died in August some years ago. She died on the Sunday morning and was cream aged on the Tuesday whilst my brother was still here from overseas. We scattered her ashes on the Wednesday . Someone asked me if she was still warm! She would have liked that !
My dad died the following April and I drove him round in his car for 3 weeks until the time felt right . I scattered his ashes in our shared garden he loved so much .
Both felt right to me and you will do what’s right for you .
Ps the hat is a great idea

Trumpton · 18/12/2018 20:06

Ffs she was NOT cream aged !
Cremated !

CaptainPovey · 18/12/2018 20:06

Both on top of the wardrobe

If I die they will go to my niece to look after

SiliconHeaven · 18/12/2018 20:07

Not parent, my husband is a coffee table by my settee (well, gin and tonic table)
He’s noth prettier and more useful than when he was alive
(Widow humour, sorry)
It’s called a scatter tube

To ask where you keep your parents?
EleanorShellstropper · 18/12/2018 20:10

I love your post title OP.

Family dying really sucks (pointing out the obvious). If your DF would have found it funny then bloody well put a Santa hat on him. Even better, add a scarf and give him a whiskey. Xmas Grin Remembering him should be a happy thing. Until he's scattered have him as a family talking point. A "raise your glass to Grandpa" type thing.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

DogMamma · 18/12/2018 20:11

@furrymuff I'm sorry it wasn't Intended just her ashes are the only ones I have all my relatives are buried and OP said loved ones, forgot to say she also had her favourite teddy next to her. She used to groom it's back end like she did when her pups where new born to get them to open bowels we used to say awww mamma are you playing dollies hahaha and she would look over with a smile on her face like she could understand every word.

@Floralnomad horses... i dont mean to be inventive but I bet those aren't small urns

caringcarer · 18/12/2018 20:12

If my dh dies before me I shall have him made into a diamond to wear around my neck forever. My parents are both buried so a grave. You can have ashes buried and then have a small grave if you wanted to. Personally, I would not want an urn of ashes around the house.

DogMamma · 18/12/2018 20:14

This could out me if any froends relatives on here but so what, Here she is collar and all had to cropped it as some family photos on shelf below

To ask where you keep your parents?