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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask where you keep your parents?

117 replies

FishFingerseveryday · 18/12/2018 19:13

My dad died a few months ago and we could only face picking his ashes up last week. But where do I put him? Eventually he will be scattered at sea until then he’s in a very ugly brown plastic container (from funeral home) wedged down the side of the fridge. It needs to be somewhere small children can’t access and empty him down the floorboards. So where are your top places to stash a deceased loved one?
(Also is it in bad taste to put a Santa hat on him?)

OP posts:

lucydo · 18/12/2018 20:15

my mother in has been in a cardboard box at the back of the wardrobe for over 20 years (some kind of record, I think). My DH was the only child of a single mum and just doesn't want to think about what to do with them.

UghFletcher · 18/12/2018 20:16

My Grandad has done the rounds at everyone's houses and is, for now, settled in the corner of my Nans living room in a scatter tube. Once my Nan goes we will scatter them both together somewhere.

My other grandad is interred in a lovely graveyard on top of a hill, overlooking the local village.

WhatALearningCurve · 18/12/2018 20:18

My dad passed away 10 years ago this year. He's currently in my mums wardrobe. Not because of any sentimental reason but because we haven't yet found anywhere he wouldn't judge us for scattering him ha

Bubblysqueak · 18/12/2018 20:19

Dfil spent a year in the garage on a shelf before he was scattered, it seemed appropriate as he spent most of his life in there

Chasingsquirrels · 18/12/2018 20:24

Late-DH's ashes are in a (rather nice) cardboard tube container from the undertakers.
Well 1/4 of them as they were split four way between his children, his mother and me.
It's in a bag in the dining room, and has been for over 18 months. I've no idea what to do with them.

The Christmas before he died he had a turkey hat - I like the idea of putting that on the tube!

0hT00dles · 18/12/2018 20:25

Santa hat sounds lovely! I’ve not had any experience with ashes as all close to me have been buried.

But you keep him where you feel like he’ll be closest to you.

Angie169 · 18/12/2018 20:26

My DHs ashes were kept on top of a book case for about 8 months , i scattered half of them at a bench we loved sitting on by a lake we both loved , the other half got scatted a few weeks ago ( so just after the 1st anniversary of his death ) in a park on the north east coast , that we went to a couple of time a year .

for everyone that is missing a loved one , it is particularly hard at this time of the year.

Tarrarra · 18/12/2018 20:30

Mum is in the lounge, in the plastic pot we got from the crem. I scattered some of her ashes near her place of birth but can't quite work out what to do with the remainder. So, she liked watching tv, and consequently I've kept her here. She's been here for nearly 2 years. You reminded me that I wanted to get a better urn.

Phillipa12 · 18/12/2018 20:30

My dds ashes are kept in a toy chest with all her belongings. When we moved house she went on a sleepover to a friends house as i didnt want to lose her, she was very well behaved! At the moment she has decamped to my bedroom as her toy chest is being ousted to the garage to make way for seating 18 at xmas. Thought the garage would be a tad chilly for her.

MovingNextYearHopefully · 18/12/2018 20:32

In the boot of the car before being taken on a family outing to the beach to be scattered at sea a few days later. Sorry for your loss.

tryinganewname · 18/12/2018 20:33

My grandma won't tell anyone where my grandad is, she says that they're hers alone. All we know is that she has them in the house with her.

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 18/12/2018 20:33

I was going to scatter my dog in his favourite place, but couldn't bring myself and only scattered some of him.

The rest is in a cupboard, I like to think he's home.

The two dogs I have now are going to have to wait for each other, so they keep each other company, just like in life.

BadlyAgedMemes · 18/12/2018 20:36

Sorry for your loss - I do like the santa hat idea.

All my relatives have been buried soon after death, so I haven't had to think about this aspect.

My friend's father passed away in the 80s, and his ashes reside in his old sitting room, on top of his bookshelves, among his beloved books. Then again he lives in his parents' old house, which is big enough to have had separate living rooms for each parents. So father's room is still father's room.

WooYa · 18/12/2018 20:37

My Nan and two grandads are in their own 'scatter urns' which look lovely (trees, sunset and something I can't think of right now...) on top of a corner unit within my DMs lounge

tryinganewname · 18/12/2018 20:39

@DogMamma that has brought tears to my eyes. I can't even bare the thought of 'when the time comes' for my two but I hope I'm strong enough to have such a lovely home for them as you do.

AnotherOriginalUsername · 18/12/2018 20:39

My humans all have plots in the local crematorium.

My beloved mutt of 17 years is on the shelf in the living room, in his biscuit jar (that always did look suspiciously like an urn!)

MamaLovesMango · 18/12/2018 20:39

I left my Mum in the back footwell (drivers side) of the car

YoThePussy · 18/12/2018 20:39

I had all my pets buried in the back garden and found it very difficult when I moved house. The last cat we had cremated and I split the ashes with most in the garden with his Mum who had died a few years before. The rest went into a plant pot with the forgetmenot seeds the cremation people sent back with his ashes and I brought it to my new garden. I may have to go into the garden tomorrow rain or shine to put some fairy lights there.

knittedjest · 18/12/2018 20:39

My dad is mostly at the training grounds of his football club but a little part of him is in our bar room in between the beer pumps and chocolate tin. I think he would be happy to spend eternity right there and when we have get togethers it's nice to think of a part of him being there too.

MamaLovesMango · 18/12/2018 20:40

That is until we scattered her at sea, I should add. She’s not still there....

bushtailadventures · 18/12/2018 20:41

My DM is in the 'shed', it's where people go to smoke and as a dedicated smoker I think she would like to be there. Eventually she will be scattered at her favourite holiday spot, but I haven't been able to do it yet. It'll be 4 years this Christmas, I just like being able to go and chat to her still.

AlphaJuno · 18/12/2018 20:44

My dad is in a box in a carrier bag in a cupboard in the hallway. He died in may, I had a 2 week old newborn at the time. My auntie was looking after him but was having her kitchen re done so he came to me. Eventually he is going to be buried in an urn and put in my nans coffin when her time comes and they are both going to go in grandads grave. He used to say that I could chuck him out in a bin bag for all he cared, so I don't think he'd mind too much!

Badcat666 · 18/12/2018 20:44

Mum is in the garden in a lovely HUGE plant pot with the dog ashes (we both loved the dog more than Dad. Its bloody lovely plant pot it is, wild flowers come up every year) , my sis is in the corner of a bookcase with a sleepy cat ornament on it next to her fav cats ashes (must plant them out next year but keep forgetting) and no bloody idea where dad is... gathering dust in a crappy cardboard box which is being touched nightly by spider willies in one of my relatives garages I think....

Almostfifty · 18/12/2018 20:47

My pal spent two years in the driving seat of her classic Merc before her family scattered her ashes in the Lake District. It was absolutely perfect for her as she loved her car.

ToeToToe · 18/12/2018 20:51

My DSis (his youngest child) has my DFather's ashes. She keeps him on her mantlepiece in a nice urn. We have discussed scattering/burying them - and maybe we will some day - but as long as she wants to keep him, she can. She finds it a great comfort and, at the moment, I rather like the thought of Dad being at her house, rather than scattered somewhere.

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