‘Equality’ in relationship AIBU

[BaeBae]

My boyfriend says we are equal financially. He takes home 48k after tax and pays £8k maintenance a year to ex. He lives in a 4 bed detached house and drives a new BMW 5 series. I earn £23k (9k salary, the rest maintenance from my ex and benefits). I have 2 kids to support and a mortgage. He wants us to pay equal share for holidays and weekends away and moans about his credit card bill (which he pays off in full every month) when I can’t. We don’t live together and I ask for no financial help from him ever. He’s just started to moan about how I’m ‘ ungrateful’ as I don’t give him enough thanks for the things he does for me... like feeding me when I go to his house every other weekend. He comes to me once a week and I feed him etc. Is this just a high maintenance moaner of a man or AIBU? I’m not sure I can afford to be in a relationship if the man wants 50/50 equality and I have so little spare cash! Is this the way of the world now?

Whether he's tight or not it doesn't even sound like you like him that much tbh. You aren't equal in pay but it sounds like he's taking women's ideals to be equal and switching it around and you're losing out in the process! You don't sound very well matched (doesn't want to say 'ltb' but ...)

I think that’s the right decision OP.

Well it’s hard to like him when he’s being a cock. He is sorry and realises he’s been being an utter twat... but I’m just so tired of having to explain why it hurts when he’s being so vile.

I’m not suggesting you contact them, but if be interested to hear from his ex partners about why the relationships ended.

He probably is sorry, but it’s verybhard to change our nature, and I’d expect him to revert to form quite quickly.

Just dump and move on, new year, new start.

He has shown who he is, and will not change.

He isn't sorry he treated you badly, he's sorry you are dumping him. Tough.

I can't get over his thinking that paying back what he borrowed from you = helping you out financially! What a very strange attitude he has to other people's money. Still, not your problem any more, eh?

LTB, he sounds dreadful.

Have you dumped him yet or are you waiting until after Christmas? I'd do it now, return the gifts you got him and treat yourself with the refund money

Just can’t believe I’ve been so stupid not to see he cares zero about me! I just thought it was how things are now in the land of dating! I can get on board with most things but not being taken for a sap.

just read the thread got to the end and give an external "yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!"

I think you are doing the right thing this guy does NOT sound like a keeper

We've been together 2 years - honestly, you do not sound very "together." Is he worth the bother?

Ewww! What a total turn off, I would not find this attractive in a man at all. He sounds tight and mean. LTB and leave him to count his money in peace. Yuck

You clean his house (his house) You iron his shirts (that he wears) Why isn't he cleaning his own house & doing his own ironing or paying for a cleaner or to out source his laundry. Does he do anything for you in return ? STOP you don't have to do any of these things, because you have your own family and household to run. Equality -im not seeing much here...

I think you now know why he is divorced. The idea that someone who needs to rely on benefits is financially equal to someone with a net income of over £40K is ludicrous. His attitude to money is very strange - after paying for essentials (and saving) most people want to spend their money on pleasurable things - including with their friends and partners. He obviously thinks his flash car is more important. More fool him.

He's tight. I'm assuming kids are not his. Because it doesn't seem like they are at the forefront of his mind otherwise he would understand that you'd be strapped for cash.

You shouldn't be 'grateful' to him for treating you, for God's sake! You are his gf, he is supposed to want to do nice things to you.

Get rid now.

I’m feeling really down about it all. It’s worn me down. I know it’s not right that after almost 2 years he’s never done anything solely for me that doesn’t involve his pleasure too. I always have to ask for date nights, I organise and pay my share for weekends away etc. He’s not into romantic gestures etc etc. I feel like a doormat. A stupid foolish doormat.

Well it's up to you to change things by dumping him. Sounds like you're not going to do that though and will carry on being a self proclaimed doormat 🤷🏼‍♀️

I just don’t want to have a shit Christmas, I’ll wait till after.

Sounds like it will be shit either way. He'll think you only stayed with him until after Christmas so you got presents from him. He's that kind of man. I hope you find your strength soon.

Thanks x

This is the second thread today I’ve read where the OP is ironing and cleaning for a man she doesn’t even live with! I can’t fathom why on earth you would do that

You are doing the right thing OP, sooner this knob head is given his marching orders the better.

I agree, dump him; but I also say tell the person unequivocally why; some people are unbelievably tight, some people have their reasons for being that way; but you are not his therapist. Be very clear. The person who is right for you (and he could earn less) won't even be that bothered about the money, because you are the prize and the person who is right for you will genuinely want you and monetary issues will be a secondary consideration that you decide together as a team. There are better men out there.

Why waste YOUR time and energy cleaning and ironing a house that you don't live in ? If you enjoy cleaning and ironing, do it for someone who will employ you. If someone asks you in the future, just say NO.