‘Equality’ in relationship AIBU

[BaeBae]

My boyfriend says we are equal financially. He takes home 48k after tax and pays £8k maintenance a year to ex. He lives in a 4 bed detached house and drives a new BMW 5 series. I earn £23k (9k salary, the rest maintenance from my ex and benefits). I have 2 kids to support and a mortgage. He wants us to pay equal share for holidays and weekends away and moans about his credit card bill (which he pays off in full every month) when I can’t. We don’t live together and I ask for no financial help from him ever. He’s just started to moan about how I’m ‘ ungrateful’ as I don’t give him enough thanks for the things he does for me... like feeding me when I go to his house every other weekend. He comes to me once a week and I feed him etc. Is this just a high maintenance moaner of a man or AIBU? I’m not sure I can afford to be in a relationship if the man wants 50/50 equality and I have so little spare cash! Is this the way of the world now?

I’m in agreement with monstertequila and make a house. Me and my now DH were in a similar earning situation when we first met but I would never have split finances any other way than 50/50. Holidays, meals out etc would be chosen on what I could pay half of, if I’m getting half of the benefit of it I would want to pay half the price of it.

He sound horrible!!! Totally horrible!!

RUN!

That made me laugh. You could have been a CEO. Well I prefer to earn less and have time to myself.

Holidays, meals out etc would be chosen on what I could pay half of, if I’m getting half of the benefit of it I would want to pay half the price of it.

But that’s the point - OP has clearly said she’s asked for cheaper options but he won’t compromise and then moans or constantly tells her how grateful she should be. The man is a cunt.

And she’s not a freeloader - what a nasty thing to say.

Why am I a freeloader when I pay my way as much as I humanely can? I own my own home, with mortgage and work hard for me and my 2 kids. I think he’s freeloading off me a little tbh!!

And I work part time because I have two children and am a single mum!!!

Being so money obsessed is a very unattractive trait in him.

When I met DH we both had nothing, used to take it in turns to buy each other dinner when we went out etc but never mattered if one meal/trip was more expensive than another.
Now he earns more than me (maternity leave set my career back 🙄) and we have joint finances. He never asks how much I spend on myself or the kids. It's never "his" money. We are equal partners. I'd not be able to do it any other way.

I hear no end of it

That's enough of a reason for me to get rid OP

AS for being "grateful" that actually sounds a bit creepy to be honest

He sounds horrible. Never stay with a man who puts a price tag on everything. If you live with him he'll become financially abusive

I've taught my children to expect 50/50 from a person they are dating as I don't want them taken advantage of. Income doesn't come into it, the person with the higher salary shouldn't have to shoulder the costs of dating.

It sounds like he wants somebody more career oriented that can match his lifestyle. He's right in that your choices job wise were your own to make. Lots of people have children and manage to work more than part time regardless of their relationship status.

Hmmm I’m beginnng to feel the same. That it can only end badly. When I said to him that I’d never ever in 2 years asked him for financial help with anything, he said I had... I asked when, and he said the times I’d asked him to pay back money he owed me!! Small amounts, for example last weekend, £15 I’d spent buying things I’d got him for his kids stocking fillers and wood for his fire!! Specifically bought on the understanding he’d give he the money! I said sorry, I can’t subsidise your kids Xmas gifts or wood for your fucking fire!!!

He had lots of gf’s before me.. high and low earners. He was dating for 4 years but ‘not found the one’. Many relationships, none lasting longer than 6 months.

Many relationships, none lasting longer than 6 months.

Uh-huh. I tend to think this says something about him.

He’s tight . Very unattractive quality

Anyway he’s coming over soon, I normally iron his clothes for work the next day, I think I’ll get the ironing board out and tell him, ‘there you are, we’re equal, so you can iron your own clothes’ ....

And be gratefull for the use and for electric!!

I had one like this. Tight arse manchild forever moaning about how much things costs despite me paying out far more than he ever did. Get rid. You don't need someone like him in your life.

I completely agree with the 50:50 principle of cost sharing initially - but only if the higher earner accepts that s/he will need to do things within the lower earner’s budget and not once in an established relationship where an equal percentage contribution is fairer by far.

You iron his fucking clothes? Oh FFS love. He likes equality? Like bollocks he does.

yup equality is what he wants apparently... so I won’t clean his house again, or help decorate his kids rooms..or unload his dishwasher ... he wanted me to buy the Xmas food shopping too (giving me the money, I’m going to his for Xmas) but he can go fuck himself on that front too. I’m taking the booze and fun bits for the 4 days I’m there, I think that’s fair enough.

He sounds awful!

Hope Father Christmas brings you enough sense to dump this twat. Why are your standards so low ffs? I'm cringing that you are going to continue to see him when you have realised how awful he is.

You clean his house and iron his shirts? What is wrong with you?! Is he very good at the sex?