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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To bring this up with school - DS accused of 'rape'.

148 replies

MadMumx1 · 18/12/2018 11:34

DS, in Yr4, was a little upset last night and told me that a girl in his class has been horrible to him all day. One of the things he mentioned was she said that he'd 'raped' one of the girls in his class.

Cue me having to explain what it meant as he didn't know, which I really didn't want to have to do at age 8!

Obviously the girl didn't understand what it meant either but isn't this language at bit worrying at this age?

Considering bringing it up with school but not sure it's worth it?

OP posts:

Madein1995 · 18/12/2018 20:58

Glad the incident was properly dealt with 😀

It's important they deal with the bullying too. I understand you want to move schools but that shouldn't need to happen, the school he's in and the staff there should deal with things. Do you think they will be able to do something about the bullying?

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 18/12/2018 20:59

Report to teacher

It could be a safeguarding issue for the child that said it sadly . Or they are a silly little child .

That said my children know what the term means , in a purely factual way

starcrossedseahorse · 18/12/2018 21:01

Sensitive boys get a hard time in our sexist society and it is very sad. Gender roles are so restrictive and that is getting worse at the moment for various reasons.

I hope that you find a way to help him OP and if that means moving schools then so be it.

Greatorb · 18/12/2018 21:02

So now we need to start assuming that all boys are potential rapists even if a girl likely too young to know what the word means says so.

This is mumsnet, so yes, all male children (regardless of age) are not only potential rapists, but also potential abusers and murderers, and will most likely grow up to be one/all of those 3, if they are not already.

starcrossedseahorse · 18/12/2018 21:04

BertrandRussell · 18/12/2018 21:09

“This is mumsnet, so yes, all male children (regardless of age) are not only potential rapists, but also potential abusers and murderers, and will most likely grow up to be one/all of those 3, if they are not already”

Oh, don’t talk such utter, utter bollocks.

Greatorb · 18/12/2018 21:13

Oh, don’t talk such utter, utter bollocks.

You're obviously not a regular here...

HotSauceCommittee · 18/12/2018 21:19

Greatorb, Bertrand is a regular here. The upshot is, kids are still experimenting with language, meaning and new words. It means the school have it right; gentle unpicking before people turn up with burning torches and pitch forks for the rapist 8 year old boy or the lying 8 year old girl. These are children. We know horrible things happen to and between them, but let’s not silence them by knee jerk reactions to what they’ve said without examination of the circumstances .
OP, that is not a nice sounding school/cohort for your boy, calling him a “girl” or “gay” is just the pits. The school has a problem with that which they need to address.

Ohyesiam · 18/12/2018 21:20

I’m a bit surprised by the responses on this thread tbh. It seems that 'we believe you' goes out of the window when the narrative doesn't match what we're used to.
I hear what your saying dancingbear but a pre pubescent boy is not capable of penetrative sex, whether it’s consensual or not. There are some endocrine disorders which cause early puberty , but they are rare.
I’ve worked on safeguarding , and this does not present as a safeguarding issue, but still needs investigating.
It’s is also stated in the op that the girl accused him of raping another girl, not her, which puts a different slant on we believe you. It is seems likely that she’s heard the word on the news and is bandying it around. But everyone is right, it needs investigating.

BertrandRussell · 18/12/2018 21:27

“You're obviously not a regular here...”

You obviously haven’t read the thread!

U2HasTheEdge · 18/12/2018 22:02

at Bertrand not being a regular here.

Flowerpot2005 · 18/12/2018 22:10

They're 8, no idea what it means.

Defo speak to the teacher as the girl clearly needs some understanding of the words she's using. It's minor for now but later could be worse.

BusyMum47 · 18/12/2018 22:11

I'm a Primary School TA & would say absolutely tell the teacher ASAP. It needs exploring/explaining with the little girl in question & potentially any other children who heard it at the time, it probably needs bringing to the attention of the girls parents & could even be a safeguarding 'flag' that the girl in question knew to use that word in the 1st place.

strawberrisc · 19/12/2018 06:40

I used to watch soaps when I was 8. They all cover rape storylines so the child may have picked it up from there.

Hohocabbage · 19/12/2018 06:54

I remember learning about rape for the first time watching the soap Crossroads. Unfortunately it was portrayed as a completely made up allegation - but you could get away with that shite in the 70s.

AuntMarch · 19/12/2018 07:04

I haven't read the full thread but did notice lots of concern that the girl knows the word rape.

It is not unusual to have it written on the front page of a newspaper. She is highly likely to have seen it.
I don't think abused children tend to be told that is what happening, so I still don't think she would know what it meant if there were cause for concern in that respect.

SilverApples · 19/12/2018 07:08

Reporting any incidents like this...accusations, bullying, homophobic language, to the school in writing is the best way to go.
Everyone involved at a personal level will naturally prioritise their own agenda and children, but the school has designated safeguarding staff who are neutral and have all of the children as their priorities. There will be a record kept, and they can escalate and involve other professionals and agencies as necessary.
Otherwise it can become a rumour mill or a wild hunt, causing immense harm.

Curlyshabtree · 19/12/2018 22:45

Definitely bring up with school. My DS was in a similar situation, he was being bullied and they used the same word. The school dealt with it very effectively,

DeepanKrispanEven · 19/12/2018 23:39

Both children should be listened to and taken seriously.

Why "both"? Why discount the third child involved - the one who's supposed to be the victim?

BertrandRussell · 20/12/2018 06:45

Yes, sorry, all three children of course.

N0rdicStar · 20/12/2018 07:07

Yes definitely report. If it is established to be untrue I would be expecting the girl saying such things to be dealt with severely and wouldn't be surprised if it was a bullying issue.

Said alledged concerned friend didn't go to a member of staff with her concern and fear re the op's son she is taunting him. If unfounded the accusations are malicious and yes a safe guarding concern.

Either way reporting it to school is the right thing to do.

bruffin · 20/12/2018 07:13

Yes definitely report
Definitely bring up with school
If you are not going yo be bothered to read whole thread, at least have the courtesy to read OPs updates. Op has reported it and got a reply

azulmariposa · 20/12/2018 07:25

There has been loads on the news and radio recently and my 8yo dd has asked what it is. Now obviously I don't want to go into too much detail so I said it's when something touches you or makes you do something you don't want to.
She's probably been told the same thing and perhaps she felt your ds did something that made her uncomfortable?
If it was a safeguarding issue, at that age she probably wouldn't use the word rape anyway, if a child makes a disclosure then they usually use words that they are familiar with. Or there are many other signs, but I don't think that would be one.
However, you should still speak to the teacher so they can get to the bottom of it and let them know how serious that comment can be.

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