To bring this up with school - DS accused of 'rape'.

[MadMumx1]

DS, in Yr4, was a little upset last night and told me that a girl in his class has been horrible to him all day. One of the things he mentioned was she said that he'd 'raped' one of the girls in his class.

Cue me having to explain what it meant as he didn't know, which I really didn't want to have to do at age 8!

Obviously the girl didn't understand what it meant either but isn't this language at bit worrying at this age?

Considering bringing it up with school but not sure it's worth it?

Where us an 8 yo even leaning that language
The news?
An 8 year who has been raped is lost likely to have had this be an adult. But touching girls inappropriately, pulling trousers down etc absolutely does happen between some children of this age.

I highly doubt the 8yo girl is 'accusing' him she probably also has no bloody idea what it means and has picked it up from someone at home, which is worrying!

Definitely bring it up with the school as I would be concerned about what the girl is hearing at home. Hope your son is doing ok.

Where us an 8 yo even leaning that language.

This. It's very concerning that an 8 year old girl is using this word and checks need to be made that she doesn't know what it means.

I have a year 4 child and I'd 100% bring this up with school. Your poor son!

Rape isn’t about sexual feelings surely? Look it seems obvious your ds hasn’t raped anyone but why not have an open mind about what actually happened. When he “bumped” into her he may have touched her bum/chest etc which she may have labelled incorrectly. As a mother of sons I do try to teach them to think of how their behaviour might be perceived by others, even though my instinct is just to believe everything they say!

I would be worried why the girl knew that word so yes to me a safeguarding issue to be brought up with the school.

Yes 8 year old boys can and do sexually inappropriate things.

To all the people saying oh 8 year olds don't do this, please read this article:

3 sexual assaults are reported PER DAY in primary school in England and Wales.

www.tes.com/news/our-kids-were-raped-classmates-dfe-wont-listen

Those are the ones that are reported.

In this situation, obviously, it sounds highly possible nothing happened, he doesn't know the meaning of the word, etc. However, there may be something going on at the school, who knows. So I'd definitely bring it up.

People saying an 8 year old can't do this.
**BBC Panorama freedom-of-information request, March 2017, to 43 police forces in England and Wales (30 responded). Assaults by under-10s on under-10s in primary schools increased by 123 per cent over three years, from 204 in 2013-14 to 456 in 2016-17. Extrapolated to all 43 police forces, the national figure for 2016-17 would be 654 assaults. There are 190 schools days in a year, meaning, on average, there are 3.4 assaults in primary schools in England and Wales every school day.

“The attitude that the girl needs a talking to for making a wrong allegation, without even bothering to establish the facts, sends a fucking awful message.

The attitude that an 8 year old boy should be deemed a rapist, without even bothering to establish the facts, sends a fucking awful message.”

Both of these statements are true.

There has been a lot on the news about rape recently (Brett Kavanaugh, Irish rape case, accusations against Ronaldo etc) so if the girl's family have the radio/news on ever she will have heard the word. She might even have asked what it meant and had an explanation of it being a man attacking a woman or similar. So I don't think her using the word is necessarily a red flag.

It should definitely be addressed with the teacher so they can try and understand what happened and where to go from there.

I would absolutely bring this up and this would be a red flag for me that the girl is using sexualised language to talk about minor physical contact. If he did brush her in a way that made her feel uncomfortable then she has every right to ask him to apologise. She has probably heard the word but not understood the context properly.

Please note that rape involves penetration but sexual assault doesn’t. But both require intent to violate someone else’s consent. Accidental contact with someone else is not rape and the confusion of these children in using that term so lightly is concerning.

NOBODY has deemed the 8 year old boy a rapist without establishing facts.
A LOT of posters have assumed that the girl is lying.

What happened to We Believe You?

It also applies to OP's son, particularly bearing in mind that it isn't even the alleged victim making this allegation. I don't think it applies to someone making a third hand accusation. Eight.

Abacucat, it's not an unreasonable assumption to make given that there is no suggestion that even the alleged victim agrees with her.

This is a big safeguarding concern. Not that your son did that - considering he didn't even know what it means, it's extremely unlikely. But is a serious concern that the girl knows what it means, and is thinking about it.

Abused children sometimes make accusations like this as a cry for help, even if it is subconscious. It is upsetting for your son. But this girl could be at harm, alarm bells are going off. Please tell the school asap. For the girls sake xx

But is a serious concern that the girl knows what it means, and is thinking about it.

Why? She's eight. She can read.

For all you know, she read the word in a newspaper article and asked her parents what it means, and they said "Oh, that's when a man touches a woman against her will, it is a very bad thing to do".

I would be much more concerned if she used words like "blowjob", which clearly origin from porn.

She used the word in the appropriate context of "this is a bad thing". Children pick up such things - using "nazi" as an allround insult likely originated from this.

Boys who boast about raping would be much more concerning.

I had something similar in summer term where a boy said my FS15 had raped him. As it is supposed to have taken place at my home when I was there it was total rubbish but my boy was so upset. The boy was hauled in front of the headmaster and deputy with his parents where he admitted he'd made it up and was "only joking". It's a SN school so maybe some leniency needs to be given but it's not nice. My FS was more upset because his older sister probably was raped before they were removed from parents by grandad and it opened up old wounds for him.

Have raised it with the school now, especially as the possibility of it being repeated to others, in and out of school, has been suggested.

Not holding my breath for a callback from teacher with previous experience of the school but great to idea to put it in writing which I will do when I pick him up.

DS is a very sensitive boy, not a 'boys boy' at all, has been called 'gay' and a 'girl' numerous times as he prefers to play 'girl' games rather than the more rambunctious 'boy' games. I try not to raise too much with the school as I want him to deal with as much as he can himself to toughen him up but this is a step too far.

He said the girl who he bumped into didn't accuse him of anything BTW and wasn't hurt at all.

The girl said something she probably doesn't understand.
All that's required in these circumstances is you mention it to the teacher so he/she can establish why it was said and whether the child understood the real meaning.
Any other speculation is ridiculous. These kids are 8 FFS!

Definitely bring it up. I knew a man accused of rape by a 5 year old girl. Turned out upon careful questioning she had no idea what the word meant but by then the police we’re involved and had to investigate, horrible for all involved

Very interesting responses on this thread. I hope that your little boy did nothing inappropriate OP and also that this little girl does not really understand what she has said.

However, I am afraid that sexual assaults happen all the time - even in primary schools, like it or not - and shouting girls down immediately is just mirroring what happens to us as adult women when we are sexually assaulted. The case highlighted above where the little girl was told off and not believed after being assaulted is utterly heartbreaking and disgusting.

I am in no way saying that this is what has happened here OP but I am saddened that the response on a parenting forum is to dismiss a little girl out of hand without even knowing the facts of the situation.

(By some, not all, posters).

The hysteria on this thread is unbelievable and ridiculous.

So now we need to start assuming that all boys are potential rapists even if a girl likely too young to know what the word means says so. “We believe you” is thrown about as if it’s some kind of holy grail and if someone says the word rape their word is sacrosanct?

We are talking about eight year old children here. And while there is a possibility that there is a safeguarding issue, people seem to have lost sight of the fact that words like rape are frequently used in mainstream contexts, on the news, on the front pages of newspapers etc, and that if a child knows that rape is something bad it’s something they can use as an insult.

Let’s not start getting to the state where an eight year old is automatically deemed a predator by virtue of them being a boy shall we?

Oh, and given even the law says that an eight year old cannot be held criminally responsible, there’s a lot to be said for throwing around unfounded accusations based on your own prejudices.

This is supposed to be a site where parents support each other fgs.

OP I’d ask for this thread to be taken down tbh, and good luck with the school.

It is still concerning that an 8 year old knows the word rape. She is 8, not 12. She shouldn't be reading things with the word rape in them, nor should she be routinely watching programmes where the word is used.

There could be an innocent explanation, yes. But it is a safeguarding concern. Knowledge/awareness of things, words and activities inappropriate for their age range, is a sign of abuse. The fact that she could have read it in. A magazine doesn't change that fact

And ignore people who are blaming your ds without knowing the facts. Also ignore people calling for the girl to learn consequences. They are both missing the point