To ask DM if she will track my whereabouts to do it subtly

[trackedbymothership]

Ok I know what you're gonna say, I should never have allowed this in the first place... but DM is one of those that will want a text or call "when you've got home" always, allowing no time for traffic/ stops for food toilet etc or you know just doing normal getting home activities like putting tea on, feeding pets, unloading car etc. A text if not replied to within 5 mins turns in to a call if not answered (not ignored just busy) she'll call DH and if that unanswered again not ignored, landline and of course panic stricken messages left on each.

Soooo as so to avoid this I signed myself and her up to one of those family tracking apps, great I thought !!! She gets a notification straight to her phone when my phones tracked down my street. Sorted !

However I work away a lot for work, sometimes at short notice often a good couple of hours from home. If she's not received prior warning I'll get messages saying... what you doing in Manchester? (for example) and I'll explain... not too bad if it's an isolated event. It it happens most shifts.

The past 48 hours I worked away, originally for one day then another shift in a London borough came up so I found a cheap B and B and stayed over as really need the money. Mums already clocked yesterday's area so I tell her I'll be in London today.

This afternoon she texts me and says, you're not in London you're in Kent!!!!! I say that place is a London borough (backed up with google screenshot saying as such!) but silently rage to myself that I shouldn't have to be justifying my position in the country !

En route home tonight I stop at the local 24 hour supermarket so I don't have to drag DD out to shops tomorrow.

You guessed it...
DM: why have you stopped in x?
I text back, "stopped at supermarket"
I'm in no rush but 20 minutes later...
DM: are you still at supermarket?

So I call her and say half joking stop tracking me !!! Oh I just wanted to see you got home she says, I say that's fine but I'll turn it off if not used for it's original intended use. She apologies and literally hangs up on me.

Then I get a text. "Just checking you got home ok- sorry to be soooo caring. Goodnight"

So she's a lovely person but just over anxious I guess. Worrying about me getting home doesn't bother me but Aibu to not want the constant questions about why I'm places (99.9% always for work anyway !) and if she will follow my whereabouts to do it without me knowing?!

"And tell her it's always better to text as she'll definitely get a response (in due course)"

She might say that she won't know if it's definitely you. If that's the case, then come up with a code word. Or she'll bring up cases were the murderer/kidnapper has text from the victims phone.

You're pandering to her anxiety. It won't help - it will never, ever be enough, because that's how anxiety works. It's not helping her, or you.

You need to set boundaries. It sounds like you are really emotionally entangled with your mother - you can suggest that she get counselling, but don't find her a counsellor yourself (if she only goes because you ask her to, it won't work either).

She is living like you will die every time you leave the home. Which when you have young DC who are navigating the world alone for the first few times it makes sense to be on the end of the phone, but when you're grown up and actually also got your own DC, let go!!

Even long journeys or leaving hers to come home
I think you really can't see how weird and over controlling this is,because you are so emotionally entangled wir her that you actually think it's normal for someone to worry something dreadful is going to befall you every time you leave hers and she will not settle until you confirm you made it home safe yet again.

She is infantilising you.

As I say, even doi g this to teens is weird and controlling. I don't need to know where mine are!
Love is based on trust. I trust them to come to me if they need help with something or get lost, or something befalls them that they need help with, and I have made emergency dashes to places when needed. But these awful controlling APS make people continually stalked and normalises stalking.

I used to think that she didnt have a life of her own or any kind of hobby so I was her hobby.

This.