“Bank account for ladies’ nice things”

[MissyCooper]

My friend has two young kids and is married to a guy with a pretty good job. They are by no means loaded but seem to do ok. She works part time in a low paid role so she’s around for the kids. Fair dos.

Last time we were all out together she regaled us with talk of her “account for ladies’ nice things” that her husband has for her. Basically a separate bank account into which he transfers a sum each month so she can buy shoes, handbags etc. We were all supposed to be green with envy. The others made the right noises but I was a bit sick in my mouth.

Another woman I know has a professional job of her own and yet looks forward to payday every month when her well-off fiancé buys her a “payday present” - jewellery, designer handbag etc.

What is this shit??

My feminist side disapproves thoroughly, but my poverty-state side wishes...!

Eww. How embarassing.

She’s happy, leave her be

seems a practical way to gift really whatever weird fluffy label she wants to put on it and nothing wrong in gifting is there... it's her attitude/spin on it/label

Isn't that from Angels by Marian Keyes?

If she is happy and it works for her, then 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’d be far more concerned about a friend whose husband is financially abusive and doesn’t give her money than one who is given funds to treat herself.

Isn’t this the plot of a Marian Keyes novel?

Would you rather he questions every penny she spends on herself?

Not the best terminology to use but I don’t see anything wrong with the idea.

The wording is from a Marion Keyes book. "Angels" I think. Women are expected to spend more of their disposable income on things like that, except he's the one paying so fair play

The way she phrased it was weird, but every low earner in a marriage should have the same ability to pay for nice things as their partner. Her husband probably wants her to have / do nice things too and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Why? Would it be better if they had no nice things?

They work, pay their way, have partners with good jobs who earmark money for them to enjoy themselves.

It’s not the most deconstructed way of arranging things but I’d prefer to hear that then the opposite shit which is all over MN.

X-posted with everyone 😅

Why? Would it be better if they had no nice things?

It’s not the concept, its the sickly twee description.

It’s not the concept, its the sickly twee description.

I thought the post was about the concept, hence my reply.

What’s with the overreaction

Why were you sick in your mouth?

I think I'd react the same way OP.
It's the description of the bank account that is the problem. It gives the impression that it's for her to be frivolous when in reality she is economically disadvantaged because she is the one looking after the children.
They should be sharing their money equally anyway, and if she chooses to spend waste it on handbags etc then that's her decision.

You can guarantee this is how he justifies his own secret bank account for even nicer things.

I know someone who refers to it as her 'mummy money' which is even worse.

I had my own bank account - no shared bank accounts - when I was married and a SAHM that, obviously, my then husband put the money into.

I never thought of it as it as an account for buying myself 'laddies' nice things'. Admittedly as well as buying clothes etc for myself and the DC it was also for housekeeping and anything we needed for the house generally so not just for me, and was always kept very well supplied.

I would have been very hacked off if anyone had referred to the money in that account in the terms your friend uses; it's incredibly patronising - I wonder if her DH pats her on her 'pretty little head' every time he tells her the money has been transferred to her account.

I suspect it's something her DH said and she thought it was sweet and funny and has taken it up as her own. Yuck.

I think that in an ideal world women get to chose how they live their lives, despite what other women think of them.

The fact that this bothered you enough to post about it smacks of secret envy

I think it’s practical to have separate accounts for nice things. I can’t be doing with joint accounts for personal spends, assuming you have enough disposable income for personal spends. If it’s from a book maybe it’s done in a jokey way. Dh and I used to have a savings account under the name we were going to call our dog (which we never got) to save for baby things.

I just have the other half's visa and ask if I want something.

I haven’t read the book. Clearly she has 🤷🏻‍♀️

What bugs me isn’t her buying nice things!! It’s the fact that she shouldn’t need a label or a justification for it!