“Bank account for ladies’ nice things”

[MissyCooper]

My friend has two young kids and is married to a guy with a pretty good job. They are by no means loaded but seem to do ok. She works part time in a low paid role so she’s around for the kids. Fair dos.

Last time we were all out together she regaled us with talk of her “account for ladies’ nice things” that her husband has for her. Basically a separate bank account into which he transfers a sum each month so she can buy shoes, handbags etc. We were all supposed to be green with envy. The others made the right noises but I was a bit sick in my mouth.

Another woman I know has a professional job of her own and yet looks forward to payday every month when her well-off fiancé buys her a “payday present” - jewellery, designer handbag etc.

What is this shit??

When working out our disposable income my dh offered for my to get more each month as he recognised that as a woman I have things I’m expected to buy that as a man he’s not. He works in a very corporate job and he thinks it’s really unfair that the women in his work are expected to spend money on hair, nails, high heels, a range of fancy clothes when the men don’t have to do any of that.
I said no because to be honest I don’t tend to do much of that stuff anyway but I was pleased he offered.

Off topic slightly, but does anyone else find Marian Keyes incredibly false?

The other option to ask him for money for things as he is the higher earner due to working full time rather than part time isn’t exactly better. I think it’s nice and the name probably came from your friend; i am sure he doesn’t check if she has spent it on woman things. Good for them I say.

I agree OP. But I guess it depends if the name for the bank account is just a joke and their finances are organised equally and he appreciates that she contributes just as much by looking after the children OR if the finances are balanced in his favour and she just has a bit of pocket money to buy her 'nice things', whilst he retains the financial power.

Ha. Misandry #1. Suggest someone is for male rights and therefore ignore their thoughts because, as we all know, male rights are for cunts.

No. I just noticed a couple of your misogynistic posts.

as we all know, male rights are for cunts.

haha it's the opposite.

What's the problem? - as he's the higher earner he's making sure she has her fair share of the family income to spend as she wishes.

My DH and I have a similar arrangement, although I don't refer to it as 'ladies nice things account', it's justly account into which my share of our disposable income goes for me to spend accordingly on myself or otherwise.

When the kids were born my ex suddenly realised that almost all the money I now spent was money he'd earned. He started examining my spending very carefully and decided that I was being frivolous with money. His solution? He said he'd set me up my own special account with a spending limit.

However, when he said what the limit was, I was delighted, and said so. I hadn't been spending the money on me, I'd been spending it on nappies etc. He just had no bloody clue how much it all cost. Now he was saying I could have all that, just for me?

He never mentioned the special account with a spending limit again. Was just one sign of his underlying sexism, though, alas.

You do sound jealous

Agree withjux

Far from being grateful for this patronising 'ladies' account she should have full & equal access to ALL money. It's hers too as she has facilitated his career at the expense of her own.

We call it "fun money" - dh gets the same amount of money as I do (he earns, I don't) to fritter away on whatever we fancy - I guess it's the same idea. Nothing unpleasant or controlling about it - we both decide how much it's going to be.

I think the character in the Marian Keyes novel who had such an account put her own money in it - it was just the name she had for her separate 'spend on treats' account, and I think her H had an account for his own disposable income, too.

I also think that it doesn't sound unreasonable for your friend to have a 'spends' account as well as the family bill-paying account: plenty of couples have a similar arrangement ie so much each per week/month that they can spend as they like, whether that's on clothing and footwear or beer and gig tickets.

Thank goodness for that - on first glance I thought a bank was offering girlie accounts with pink cards and glittery statements or something 😬
Essentially, this is the old You and Other People conundrum. Bat shit to you, normal to them. No one is hurt.
Personally, as someone who formerly earned good money but now works 1 1/2 days a week on minimum wage but coordinates childcare, school runs and house for 3 kids, if my husband compensated me for my lost disposable income, I'd happily accept. Not that I have time to get my nails done or anything as frivolous as that

Sorry OP, this didn’t go the way you hoped.😄

I find it weird too, OP. It sounds very Stepford wives to me. I thought in this day and age we’d got past all that.

I earn my own money and in my view, economic independence is the only way forward for women. I love it (and so does my DH). Wouldn’t want to depend on someone else giving me money regardless of what they call it. But that’s just me.

In her position, my 'ladies nice things' of choice would be pension contributions and investment funds.

I personally don't think couples should both have access to all money. Family money should be agreed, and individual accounts kept. I personally wouldn't allow my DH complete free rein with ALL the money as you never know what can happen. People have affairs, people change, people can and do take all the money and do a runner! I have my own security net which DH doesn't have free access to, because no matter how much you love and trust your partner, there's always an element of 'what if' which no-one can deny.

And all this about women facilitating the DH's career by sacrificing their own- well that is not necessarily the case in every relationship. Maybe the woman had a low paid job to start with which is true in many cases. Maybe she never wanted a high -paid job.

I wish a man (or anyone for that matter) would give me money for nice things. I know that I shouldn’t wish that but I do!

I think some women enjoy being looked after and don't see it as embarrassing. I have friends who are happy not to work. What ever makes you happy. It's not a good if example to set for kids, I want mine to see we both work.

If all people were to be completely financially dependent, then who will look after the babies? Who will be there for the children? It would mean every child in the country being in full time nursery and childcare from birth to secondary school age at least. It would also mean that every person had to earn a wage that was high enough to live independently on, regardless of that job. So the people providing the childcare would need a significant wage increase to be independent themselves, and then how would those paying afford it?
Financial independence for all is a hypothetical idea that in reality is unlikely to ever be achievable.

I ha e never called it that but I do have an account that my hubby puts money into for me but to be honest I hardly ever use it 🤣🙈

I forgot to add I work also so it’s not like I’m a kept woman

Fresta what I wanted was for exp and me to both go part-time, e.g 3-4 days a week, so babies (after maternity leave) would have a day a week with each of us, and 2-3 days of nursery.

It would have worked out fine - everyone can work and earn money without having to be full-time and have their DC in full-time childcare. We ended up with an unequal situation because exP wouldn't do that. I know some jobs won't allow it, but I think more should. In his case though he could have, just wouldn't.